February 2010 Update

Sorry I have not posted in a while. I guess I haven't had much to say.

I am still going up and down on the blasted scale. I have been doing this since July. It's frustrating. Talk at my support group meeting last night about this issue by many and the consensus is that now, 18 months post op, it is more a mind game than anything. I have to make a more conscious effort to stay away from the old habits of eating to comfort myself and eating the things that piled on the pounds in the first place. Healthy foods, like fresh fruit (which I love) is just so expensive. Then again, I can get my beloved raspberries or a box of 100 calorie snacks for the same price. Hmmmm ... but the snacks last days. I eat all the raspberries in one sitting. LOL It IS about choices, no?

I am staying within calorie range. I am burning calories daily so that I end up the day actually eating about 1000 net calories. I feel like I'm doing this all wrong now. I will talk with the nutritionist about this next month when I go for my 18 month post op visit with my surgeon. I sometimes wonder if I am not taking in enough calories. Then again, maybe I eat too many carbs. It doesn't seem like I am but ... something isn't working for me. I hope the NUT can get to the bottom of it. I would really like to lose another 40 lbs before my body decides is it done. OR has it already already done that seeing as how I have not lost anything really in six months? I dunno.

I am seriously considering doing this 'walk to run' program that runs for ten weeks starting in April. It meets on Saturday mornings. The first week you walk four mins and run for two (or as much of the two as you can). You build on that as you go, and by the end of ten weeks, you are supposed to be able to run for thirty mins. I dunno. Maybe I'd like running if I am not on a treadmill. I absoluetly HATE running on the treadmill. I'm always afraid I'll trip and fall. Is it worth a shot? What do you think? I still don't think I'll be able to do it. I am my own worst enemy.

So that is what is going on with me right now. Examining a lot of issues and learning I kind of sort of like the person I am becoming. I am also learning that I have to take care of me and everyone else is on their own.