Another day gone

I sent out two resumes today. Both are for jobs as teacher aides in a public school setting. Both will require traveling about 30-40 minutes one way. I enjoy kids so maybe one of these jobs will work out. If not, I also went to apply for a job locally in a group home for disabled adults.

There is something I just don't understand, though. I go to the group home and there are two women there. One gives me the application and tells me where to sit to fill it out. She disappears. The other woman is at a dining room on a laptop and ignores me. Eventually a third woman comes in and she and the laptop lady have a conversation about schedules and problems with the online program they are using.

I finish the application and laptop girl comes over and takes it saying she is the "application queen". Now I have no idea what this means. I included a copy of my current resume. She takes it and walks away. So ... I put the clipboard back where it was, put my coat on, and leave. I walk out feeling more than a little irritated.

Here I am ... applying for a job. There she is (along with two others) seemingly not doing much of anything. Why couldn't she take a few minutes to talk to me and tell me what they're looking for? Why couldn't she make an attempt to find out a little bit about me while she had me there? I wasn't necessarily expecting a formal interview, but a little consideration would have been nice. I do not understand employers at all.

Come in, fill out an application. We'll call you for an interview. Go to interview. Chit chat and maybe find out a little about the job. We'll let you know what we have open. Wait for a call. Maybe a call comes and maybe it doesn't. If it does, a lot of times it's for yet another interview. What the hell is that all about?!

I was a director of a daycare center for many years and I never messed around with people like this. I pretty much let people know right up front what the job was and if I thought they were qualified. Many times, I was able to make a decision as to whether or not to hire someone right then and there while they were still there. All this back and forth and I guess hoping someone more qualified comes in ... what? I am so tired of it all. I wish I would just find a job and get back to work already. This is crap!

That's my rant for the day. Another day is now gone and I still have no job. I know ... I'll find the right job eventually. I'll just keep hanging in there.

The Interview

I had an interview this afternoon. It was with Walmart and for a position as a cashier or customer service person. What I didn't know is that the job is a temporary one ... it could be full-time but no guarantee that I'd have a job with them beyond the holidays. ::sigh:: Not sure I wanted to work there in the first place and now this. Maybe it isn't meant to be.

The interview went okay. She said she would need to check references and could call me back for a second interview after the first. Why can't they just tell you if they want you or not? What's with all the darn drama? I really really hate that I am letting my college degree go to waste. I don't want to teach special education. Why did I let myself be influenced into that field to begin with? I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up ... IF I ever grow up!

In the morning, I'm going to be sending out resumes to a local public school district that is hiring an aide. I'm also going to apply for a position with a local children's home to be an aide. Lastly, there is a group home for people with developmental disabilities nearby that I'm also going to apply to. At least those jobs are near the field of special education that my degree is in.

Been feeling a bit discouraged today. I don't know exactly what triggered it. I guess it was a case of feeling sorry for myself. I don't do that often but today has been one of those days. I will say I had an excellent NSV while walking around Walmart before and after the interview. I did all the walking, no electric scooters and this is a supercenter so you all surely know how big this store is!

Watched the finale of "The Biggest Loser" and felt at a loss. It mad me kind of sad. Many of those contestants have lost 100 lbs. Some lost more. But they all looked amazing. Then I look at my before and 100 lbs gone pictures and just felt ... I dunno ... let down. Tim was great telling me I'm going to get there and I know I will. I just get tired of the process and not seeing the progress as I'd like. Onward, I will trudge, though.

Oh ... lastly, (at the encouragement of Michelle, Valerie, and Paul) I've made the decision to join the NS100 pedometer challenge. My pedometer read a total of 13,263 steps last week. The average daily was 1894 steps. So ... mathman Paul ... I know you're out there. If I'm going to challenge myself to do an average of 10% more steps per day ... how many total steps will I need this week, and what would be the average I should strive for. I can figure this out but am being very lazy tonight. I'm ready for bed and this post is the last thing I'm doing. Thanks!

A long day

It has seemed like such a long day today. I guess that's in part due to the gloom of a rainy day. Woke up early to the sounds of a major rainstorm and that went on until mid-day. It cleared off and was sunny for a couple hours and then right back to the gloom and doom. I don't mind rain but it's been raining here every day for the past 2-3 days and I'm tired of it. I hate to go anywhere in the rain. I had to go out today, though.

Tim and I had to go to the dealership where we purchased our truck to cancel extended warranties and gap insurance policies. That's pretty much been handled and now we wait to get the checks. Then we stopped at Staples and got a new print cartridge for my printer. Of course, Tim has an ulterior motive in doing this so I can print resumes and apply for more jobs. ::sigh::

Get back home to find that the department store I applied at last week had called. Their number was on my caller id (thank heavens for caller id) so I called them back. Ended up they want me to come in tomorrow afternoon for an interview. While this isn't the ideal job, it is a job I don't have right now and the money coming in would be a HUGE help right now. It might even mean we get to do a little Christmas shopping! So, cross your fingers for me and do a little dance of hope.

Going to drag out our little bitty Christmas tree after while. We got a very small fiber optic tree last year and I figure that's good enough to set up this year. It's going on one of the end tables in our living room. At least Ceci might just leave it alone there. I'm not counting on it, mind you, but she might! ;-D

My body aches. I guess it's from the darn rain. Rain, rain, go away! I feel like a child wanting the rain to end. And while I'm happy to interview tomorrow, it also makes me sad. If I get the job it means leaving Tim home to fend for himself while I work and that concerns me. I've also gotten quite used to being with him all day every day. Oh to go back and be a child with no cares for just a few days!

End of Week 43 Wrap Up

And so the week has ended. I watched the scale bounce up and down this week and wondered if I'd have a loss at all. It had been two weeks since I had seen the scale move and I thought this week may be the same. But, earlier in the week I saw the scale inching downward again so I knew if I could make it through Thanksgiving, I'd be okay.

I did indeed survive Thanksgiving, though I was bad yesterday. You can read yesterday's blog entry to find out what happened, if you missed it or are so inclined. Today dawns a new day and I'm pleased to report a one pound loss for this past week. I'll take it and be happy about it. I now have 101 pounds gone forever! That leaves me just 30 pounds to go to get to my next mini-goal of being under 400 lbs by March 1st. I will have to lose an average of ten pounds per month to get there. I'm pretty sure I can do that. I do need to make sure I'm getting all my water, I've been a little lax lately on it. And I really have to start moving around more. I'm asking my girls for the Walk Away the Pounds dvds for Christmas or my birthday. I'm hoping that will get me moving again during the winter.

According to a wonderful site my friend Paul referred me to it's going to take me anywhere from 75 to 225 weeks (18 to 53 months) to safely and reasonably lose my remaining weight at 1-3 pounds per week average. I'd love to think I'll be in the lower end of that scale, but I'm guessing I'll actually be somewhere near the middle or end of it. It doesn't really matter to me, though. The time is going to pass and I have nothing to lose but pounds!

That site also had this information about the 101 lbs I've already shed: To lose that amount of fat would mean to burn 353,500 calories. That is the equivalent of 11.44 gallons of gasoline. If you could dump this many calories into the tank of a Honda Civic, you would be able to drive it about 388 miles before running out of gas! (I thought that was pretty amazing info!)

Cutting 353,500 calories is the same as saying "no" to: 2,438 baked potatoes, 1,094 Snickers bars, or 686 Quarter Pounders with Cheese. All of these things used to be my favorite foods! In addition to that info here is what I'd have to do to burn that many calories: walk for 1,354 hours (56 days) at 3 mph straight, walk 4,063 miles, or jump rope for 431 hours (18 days) straight.

The site goes on to say: It could take anywhere between 34 to 101 weeks (8 to 24 months) to safely and reasonably lose that amount of weight. Well it took me just over 41 so I guess I'm doing just fine! Good to know, don't you think?

Onward and downward I charge!

Quiet Saturday

Today was a pretty quiet day. The kids went to work to help paint a room that will serve as banquet facilities for the holidays. Tim and I relaxed around the house and then headed out to run an errand or two.

We were going to get my eyes examined and order new eyeglasses. I suspect I may need bi-focals, but for sure my eyes are worse than they were when I got this pair of eyeglasses I'm currently wearing. We went to a facility that is supposed to take the state medical insurance. I was told I'd have to wait for an appointment in February. It really ticked me off because if I wanted to pay the $44 in cash, they would take me right then. This smacks of discrimination to me. "Oh you are a loser on state insurance. The state takes their sweet time to pay their bills so we're going to only take XX number of state insured patients per month and sorry. We just don't have any openings until February." Man! That's the main issue I have with this state insurance. The governor of Illinois has been saying how wonderful this insurance is and all children in Illinois should be covered by it, however, he doesn't tell you how damn hard it is to find a provider for anything you need to have done. I bet if his family was covered by it, he'd get off his ass and do something to make the providers take the insurance and stop treating people who are on the state insurance like they are lower class citizens. This has been an ongoing problem in this state for a very long time! I've been aware of it for at least 16 years.

We went out for lunch and I made good choices. Had a grilled tenderloin sandwich and a salad. Then I had a few onion rings. I won't feel guilty about it because I wanted them and they tasted good. What I do feel badly about is the turtle sundae I had after the meal. I can only say I must have lost my mind!

We went to see the movie "Yours, Mine, & Ours". It was pretty good, but not nearly as good as the original with Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda. Tim and I laughed and there were a couple somber moments but all in all, not a bad way to spend a couple afternoon hours. I did not have any of Tim's popcorn, though I did have a couple sips of his diet soda.

Mandi rented "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" for me yesterday. We'll spend the evening watching that so she can return it. I'm really looking forward to it as I know it will make me laugh more. I enjoy watching Steve Martin and having John Candy in it as well is a bonus.

I'll report my weight tomorrow because that's my official weigh-in. Right now I don't know what the scale is going to show. I was okay as of this morning, showing a slight loss from last Sunday. I have no idea what the scale will say on the morrow.

Today's a new day

I woke up this morning and my first thought as always is ... it's wonderful to be alive! My second was ... did I do any damage on my weight loss journey with what I ate throughout the day yesterday? Since I am one who weighs every day, I figured no other way to check than step on the scale and see. So I did just that!

I had a plan for my eating for yesterday. I stayed true to my program for breakfast, snack, and lunch. For dinner we went to HomeTown Buffet where Ceci's dad works. Here's what I ate ...a large salad with lettuce, cucumber, onion, carrots and low fat ranch dressing; 1/2 cup of corn chowder (decided I'd rather have this soup than mashed potatoes); about 4 ounces of turkey; one cup of green beans; small spoon of stuffing with a tiny bit of gravy on it (already had the gravy on it in the pan or I would not have had gravy); and for dessert I had a one and a half inch square of some kind of sugar-free lime jello/cool whip dessert. Given that there was a LOT of fat laden, high carb, high sugar foods there, I think I did pretty darn well! I was quite proud of myself last night. The question today is am I proud today?

I had been bummed going into this holiday as some of you may remember. I was bummed because I live very near my siblings and not one of them gave my family or I a second thought. I wanted a big family gathering and it looked like it was going to be just Tim and I spending the day together. I'm happy to say that Mandi came home from work and went out to dinner with us. Our oldest daughter joined us at the buffet and picked up Ceci but she visited with us for a while. So ... my family was together for the holiday, just not my whole family. I can live with that!

I didn't get to watch my movie "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles". We went to rent it at the video store and it was out. Darn! Tim said we'll buy our own copy on DVD and watch it in the very near future. I was disappointed, but all in all it was a good day!

So ... how did your holiday go? Did you have an eating plan? Did you stick to your plan? Did you wake up, and like me, just have to step on that scale to see if you did any damage? Were you shocked, disappointed, or angry at the number that popped up? Or were you pleased, proud, or happy with the magic number?

I want you to know that whatever the outcome, today is a new day. If you didn't do as well as you'd have liked, leave it behind you, in the past where it belongs. Start today as if it were the first day of your program. Get right back at it and move the numbers on the scale down again. It was one day out of the year. It will only ruin your weight loss journey if you allow it to rule today, tomorrow, and beyond. Thanksgiving is over. Time to knuckle down and keep the scales moving downward in preparation for the challenge of Christmas. Forgive yourself, if you slipped up yesterday. Jump back on the train and continue your journey. No man or woman will be left behind!

You're probably grumbling by now because I've teased you all through this post with how I did yesterday. I know ... I can be irritating sometimes. I like suspense. Let me just say, I was proud of myself yesterday ... and I'm proud of myself today. The scale showed half a pound less today than yesterday. Woo hoo! I had a plan and I stuck to it. My plan paid off. As my friend Paul said in my comments area yesterday ... if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Planning is important ladies and gentlemen. Let's plan to end this year with a bang of success!

Happy Thanksgiving to Each of You!

Just wanted to let everyone know I wish for each of you a wonderful holiday spent with family and loved ones. I know each of you has done some thinking about how you're going to spend the day and what you're going to eat. Some have probably even obsessed and worried themselves silly about it.

It's only one day, my friends. You can surely make it through one day without stuffing yourself like the Thanksgiving turkey! Take a bite or two and let it be enough. Drink lots of water and go for a walk. Talk to your family. Play a board game with the kids. Watch your favorite holiday movie. Relax, and just have a good day. Tomorrow will be yet another day and today will be gone.

In the spirit of the day here's a list of things I'm thankful for: *my wonderful and very supportive husband of 20 years *my beautiful daughters and granddaughter *my home (a lot of people don't have one ... think of those who lost theirs to Katrina) *my life (though some days I think it's a pretty crappy existence, I am alive and I'm thankful for that) *100 pounds gone to never come back *the wonderful people I've met and become friends with over the past ten months without whom I'd never have made it this far *the amazing friends who have been here for me through any and all ups and downs *my health *my smart and loveable Fancy Pants *the ability to touch others and encourage and support others and let them know that they are valuable and deserve to be happy and they can lose 100 pounds too if they want and need to!

I have a plan for today ... sort of. I've eaten breakfast. We'll be doing a light lunch at home. Cecilia (granddaughter) is coming about 11:00 to spend the day with us. We'll play and have a good time. Mandi (daughter) will be home about 4. We'll go out to dinner at the buffet where Ceci's dad and other grandma work. We'll meet Ceci's mom there and she'll take Ceci home. The plan after that will be to either return home and watch Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (which we can hopefully rent today ... forgot all about it until too late last night to run back out) or go to the theater and see Yours, Mine, and Ours.

Enjoy your day, however you choose to spend it. Remember that you are worth far more than one day of eating anything and everything. Practice moderation. Wake up in the morning proud of your accomplishment instead of feeling guilt, shame, sorrow, remorse, or anger at how today went. You can enjoy this day and still lose weight on your next weigh-in. I know you can!

Two in one day?

Wow! Can't believe I'm posting again today.

We ended up taking the paperwork to the dealership today. They did not get us financing where they said they would but it did end up okay. Everything is now signed and sealed and done so the car is now ours ... along with the payments!

I had an excellent day today. I woke up feeling lighter. You all who are in the process of losing weight know what I'm talking about. I dressed in nicer clothes than usual (applying for jobs) and Tim got up early to go with me. He waited in the car at the first stop. I had to park about half a block away from the place but managed to arrive there still breathing comfortably. That was a good NSV for me. I had to take a typing test ... scored 57 wpm with 4 errors. Unfortunately, though they still have an ad running in the paper, they didn't have any jobs right now. The owner seemed impressed, though and said he'd keep my info as he expects the business to grow soon. Woo hoo!

Then we went to that local department store for me to apply. Their application was on a computer system set up in the store. Again, I had to park quite a ways from the door but made it inside and where I was going without huffing and puffing. I felt so proud of me! Man, what a doosy of an application. Had to answer almost 70 ethics questions. Some of them were tricky but being as I'm not exactly stupid I knew what they were looking for. I guess now I wait to see if they call me for an interview.

We had the baby again for a couple hours this afternoon. She was so darn cute. She makes it awfully hard to stay mad at her. My house is beginning to look funny because we keep picking things up and putting them out of her reach. I would rather teach her to leave things alone but don't want to be saying NO all day long every time she's here. She has also learned how to open cabinet doors. Oh joy! Gonna have to get some rubber bands to keep those closed.

All in all, I had a great day. I'm proud of my accomplishments and feel really good. I felt better today than I have in a very long time. Oh ... and the scale moved down this morning. Now if only I can hold onto that number until Sunday. If not, it's okay but it would be nice.

I'll say have a great holiday to those of you who may be visiting before I make my official well wishes in the morning. Enjoy the day and know that it isn't about the food. Enjoy your family and friends ... look at yourself with gentle eyes ... forgive your slips ... make the best choices you can ... and keep on going! That's what I'm going to do!

The ten pound stall

Why is it that everytime I approach a ten pound milestone my body wants to hold onto the last couple pounds. Up and down the scale has gone this week like a doggone yo-yo! I just find it kind of irritating. This happens everytime I near a ten pound mark.

Yesterday was a frustrating day for me. The car financing is not completed, though they assured me when we picked up the car it was all good. I got a call on Monday saying they needed proof of income (Tim's SSI is pretty much it), and proof of residency. They said for proof of income we could bring in a copy of our last three month's bank statements because we have Tim's check direct deposited. Okay fine ...

So I gather what they want and we go to the dealership and now they want a copy of Tim's SSI award letter. I tell them that they asked for proof of income and I provided it. Right there on the last bank statements is the deposits and that they are from the US Treasury. They get all huffy and say well the bank wants a copy of the award letter. Now I'm hot! It isn't like this dealership is just down the street from us. They want me to run home and come back because they are too incompetent to tell me what they needed the first time. I said NO. I also don't think other info contained in the award letter is any of their damn business and tell them so.

The salesman we've been dealing with didn't appreciate my tone, I guess. Next thing I know, the original salesman we started out with (but didn't buy the car from because he was off last week due to a death in the family) comes in and starts apologizing. This just makes me more angry because none of this is his fault. It is the fault of the finance dept (who said it was all good and now it isn't) and the salesman who sold us the car. He must have apologized to me at least 20 times and every time I got more angry.

Ended up we waited there for an hour. They were trying to reach the bank (GMAC) to find out if what we had was going to be enough. As far as I'm concerned it is! After an hour, the saleman (the one with the death) told us we may as well go home and he'd call us when he has more info. He never did call. ::sigh::

This is why I detest car dealerships, car salespeople, and finance departments. They will tell you anything to get you to buy a car. Then they change the rules at the last moment. The entire place knew I was 'hot' yesterday and I don't care. I cannot stand incompetence and don't want an apology for it. There is no excuse for incompetence in the business world. If they don't get this worked out, as far as I am concerned they can have the darn car back and I'll take my truck. Man ...

I know this is probably just me but it really did shoot my blood pressure up. I told Tim I was sorry for losing my cool. Poor guy. He was laughing at me, though. He thinks I'm cute when I'm angry. Cute? 430 pounds of ranting woman ... cute? Is he crazy? Probably!

Well, I'm off to fill out a couple job applications. One is for an overnight secretarial/answering service position. One is for a local department store that's open for 24 hours. And one is for an overnight position at a group home for disabled adults. I figure if I work overnights at least I'll be home during the day if Tim needs me. And the kids (daughter and her boyfriend) are here during the night. We'll see where this all goes.

I am wiped out!

We had our granddaughter today for the whole day while her momma and other grandma worked. I'm here to say that little girl is a LOT of work! Like any baby that is crawling and pulling herself up, she is into anything and everything. The words "no-no" must have been said at least 100 times today in our home. Sheesh!

She dumped a 32 ounce glass of water into her diaper bag. Note to self: next time either leave the glass in the kitchen or don't walk off and leave it on the end table where Ceci can reach it. ;-) She doesn't mean to be ornery but she sure is! She followed poor Fancy Pants all over the living room. I'd distract the baby and the dog would lay down for some peace. As soon as the dog would relax, Ceci would hightail it right toward her and Fancy would have to run away again!

We enjoyed having her but Tim and I agreed that we're glad we're the grandparents and can send her home at the end of the day. We love her but dang ... Remember we didn't go through this stage with our girls. They were beyond this at fifteen months and three years old when we adopted them.

Besides having the baby, I woke up at 4:45 AM this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Finally, I got up and started my day at 5:15. It's been a long one and I'm really tired! Maybe I'll go to bed early today, but probably not. When I do that it just means I'll be up early again tomorrow.

Have a great night, everyone!

Week 42 is behind me

Weigh in this morning shows no loss and no gain. Another week of maintenance is now behind me. It's okay. I'm still at 100 lbs gone and holding steady while my body does some more adjusting. The dreaded monthly monster reared it's ugly head last week so next week things should be back to going down again.

I've set a mini-goal to shed 31 lbs by March 1 so have to get going. That will put my big toe in the Tri Cities but I'm not stopping there. It will be a march onward until my whole body is there and then on toward Twoterville and beyond. As I said the other day, there have been positive (at least I'm taking them positively) changes in my body as it adjusts so I'm not worried at all about remaining the same this week.

The weather has definitely turned off cold here in Illinois and I am not looking forward to winter at all. I just don't like being cold all the darn time. I've got some things to do today. Definitely have to get the grocery shopping done. Was going to do it yesterday but when we got to the local grocery it was packed and there was no way I was going to even attempt going in there. Tim and I will check it out in a bit and hopefully everyone will be at church and we'll not have a huge crowd to deal with. I'd like to make chili, beef vegetable soup, or meatloaf for dinner tonight so I have to get the shopping done.

I hope each of you reading is having a pleasant Sunday. Tomorrow starts the new week and brings the holiday of Thanksgiving. I know I have a few things I've been thankful for this year and I'll likely share those on the holiday. Enjoy life today. It may be gone tomorrow and this is the only life you get!

Things I've Noticed This Week

The scale has pretty much stayed the same all week for me. I'm okay with that, though, because other things have definitely been happening.

My ankles are getting smaller. At first I thought I was imagining it but it's true. I wear socks that only come to just about an inch above the ankle and I can't keep the darn things up! While it's been kind of irritating, it is also a sign of smaller ankles and I can't complain about that. Well, I could ... but I won't!

The water pocket the doctor calls lymph edema is getting smaller. You can't tell it from the front view yet, but it is shrinking. Yippee! I used to be able to reach the back part of my upper thigh and feel that darn thing, hard as a rock, most of the way across the back of my thigh. Now I have to reach almost all the way across the back of my thigh, almost to the inner thigh to feel it. So it is going down! That is one thing that I find VERY exciting. I can't wait until that darn thing is so small it' no longer noticeable or gone. Dare I hope one day it will be gone?

Lastly, was something I had noticed but Tim (the hubby for those who might not know) commented on it yesterday. I have not had rolls of fat but just one huge stomach for a while. I've been kind of happy watching the rolls re-appear, only because it signifies I am definitely losing weight. Well, yesterday Tim commented that the "dent" (for want of a better word) is looking pretty deep. He went on to say that he can see stretch marks (I know they aren't pleasant but they also signify shrinkage because my skin has been so stretched you couldn't see any for a very long time) and my lower tummy now has dimples. Yep! It is starting to resemble a golf ball! I know I should not be happy about stretch marks and divets in my stomach but they are positive signs of the changes in my body.

Oh ... I put on my winter coat from last year the other day. The difference in the fit even between the last time I wore it last spring and this winter are amazing. Last spring, it was getting more loose but still did not drop down over my hips. I could pull it down, but it was tight across my hips and rear. I put it on the other day and zipped it up and it just dropped right down over my hips! I laughed in delight because that was such a thrill for me. Sophia sent me a winter coat that I can wear but not yet button. I'm betting another month or so when it gets really cold I'll be able to button it. One more positive sign that my body is indeed changing.

I stated a little while back I was losing my motivation but I believe I'm slowly regaining it. I am going to get my second wind and off I'll go again. As long as things are changing I can deal with the scale not really moving. But I know that the scale is going to start downward once again shortly. I want to be below 400 pounds by March. My good friend Consuelo predicted a date in January but I don't think I'm going to make that one. I have 31 pounds to go to get to 399. The best news is I know I am going to get there. I CAN do this!

Busy Day

Today was a busy day full of challenges. We've been waiting for a check to come all week and the cupboards are bare. No breakfast for me today. Got the check and off we went to deposit money and take care of some other stuff.

Ate lunch out. I did okay all things told. It certainly wasn't exactly the most NS friendly meal I could have had but I did okay and I've eaten the same meal before with no visible ramifications. As long as I don't eat like that all the time it's okay.

Then we decided to get rid of our truck. It is killing us in gasoline bills right now. It costs us about $90 to fill up from empty and it's just not practical for our family either. So we spent three hours at a car dealership. I absolutely HATE the process of buying a new car. All in all the deal was made. We are waiting to hear back about financing but the paperwork is all set. We go back in the morning to pick up our gently used 2005 Impala. At least when we want to take the kids out to eat we'll all be able to go in one car now. Also, it will be easier when we have the grandbaby. Both Tim and I feel good about it. No increase in our payments so that's great news! By the time that was all done, it was dinnertime.

I had about 4 ounces of chicken, a nice tossed salad, green beans and one dinner roll without butter. All in all I felt good about my food choices. We got home about 7 this evening and I'm just glad to be out of shoes and socks. I hate wearing those darn things!

Hope all are having a good week. The weekend is almost here. I can't believe Thanksgiving is a week from today. I think we've decided to eat our main meal out that day and then spend the rest of the day watching movies.

Boy is it ever chilly this morning. The wind is howling and it is so gloomy outside right now. Not supposed to be much change in the cloud cover today. As far as temperatures go ... we're supposed to drop all day. When I got up at 6:00 it was only 35 out and we are supposed to go down into the low to mid 20s during the day. Brrrrrrr! I guess summer is now officially over. Never really had fall since it was in the 70s last week. And now winter is upon us. No wonder so many have been sick!

My daughter seems to have gotten over her little incident by the time she came home from school. I feel bad that she may have thought I was taking her dad's side in all this (he feels the boyfriend is taking advantage of all of us ... and he is probably right but I refuse to take sides on it). That wasn't the case. I was just wondering why she has to be the one to do all the driving. The funny thing is since I mentioned it, the last two day he has driven them to school and work! Go figure!

I'm starting to feel better and better. Nose no longer seems to be running. Throat isn't scratchy anymore. I'm still cold but I don't think that's going to go away anytime soon. Hopefully I'll be back to at least moving the body to exercise videos I have by the end of the week.

Have a great day and try to stay warm!

Feeling better physically

I'm starting to feel a little better physically. The cold germ seems to be letting loose and should move on shortly. For that I'm thankful. I'm a pretty cranky person when I'm sick! The sinuses seem to be recovering and the post nasal drip is drying. The sore throat is no longer an issue now. Just a dry tickle in the throat from time to time that triggers a bout of coughing.

I do feel very unmotivated right now. I think it's mainly due to the weather we've been having and my seemingly low tolerance to the chill in the air. This is generally my favorite time of year but this year I'm not enjoying it like I used to.

I totally forgot about the anniversary of my mother-in-law passing on Sunday. It wasn't until Tim mentioned it last night that I remembered. No wonder he seemed out of sorts on Sunday. This is a rough time of year for him. He's an only child with both parents gone. Though I've told him time and again he has my family, I know it isn't the same. I used to love Thanksgiving and now I dread it because we always spent that holiday with his mom. I'll be glad when the new years rushed in!

My youngest daughter appears to be angry with me. I guess I said something yesterday about her boyfriend and how he doesn't drive them anywhere and it upset her. She had a flat tire yesterday morning. So her boyfriend was forced to drive them to school. No big deal .... or at least it shouldn't be ... as he has a car that is fine. We were out running errands when she got in from school and they didn't even bother to take the tire off so we could find out if it could be plugged or if she needed to buy a new one. Then her boyfriend called one of my friends and asked her husband to come over and help. By then, it was pouring rain but he came. They plugged the tire and got it back on the car. I commented "What was the rush? Why can't your boyfriend drive this week? Is there a problem with his car?" I thought they were honest questions but I guess Mandi didn't appreciate them. She never came out of her bedroom the rest of the evening and this morning it appears neither of them is talking to me. Gawd, I hate this teenage drama crap!

Ah well ... guess I'll start my round of blogs and move on into the day. It's very chilly here this morning and quite gloomy ... matches my mood. I wish I could just crawl back into bed and snuggle with Tim but he had problems last night and needs the rest. Woke up gasping for breath and choking. This happens sometimes, particularly when he's stressing about something. Don't know what he's worried about right now but it usually has to do with money issues. So I'll let him rest and get this day started without him.

Let the day begin!

Beginning of Week 42

Today's weigh-in registers no loss and no gain since the weigh-in this past Monday that brought me to the 100 pounds gone. I had lost two more pounds on Tuesday morning, but they made a return visit.

I've not felt well the last couple days. I believe it's a bit of a cold or a sinus infection. A little bit of a dripping nose combined with a sore and scratchy throat. Add to that really crappy sleep habits the last few days, worry about Tim (who also isn't feeling well), and the monthly monster and well ... none of it bodes well for weight loss. I did maintain the 100, though so I'm happy about that!

Not Feeling Well Today

Not feeling the best today. There are a few reasons for this. I hate being sick though, because it makes me very irritable and I snap and crab at those I love the most. I can't seem to help myself!

We had the granddaugher overnight last night for the time in the nine months she's been on this earth. It was a very rough night ... for her and for me. She was in a strange place, in a strange bed, with strange people (at least in her bedtime routine). She went down okay at 9:30 but by midnight she was up and screaming. Changed the diaper, tried to give her a body, cuddled, rocked, sang, even made her some baby oatmeal but nothing was working. Eventually put her in the floor for a break and she stopped crying and started to play. By 3 I was read to return to bed. Put her back in bed with a bottle (which I hated to do but that's what my daughter does per her pediatrician), turned on the birdies on the ceiling musical thing that I wanted to break, covered her with her favorite blankie from home ... and off to sleep she went. But ... she only slept until 6!

Add to that the fact that I am catching a cold. I'm cold all the damn time! That has to be the one downside I've found from shedding 100 lbs. I'm always COLD!!! I went to bed with a headache, Ceci and her screaming didn't help matters. When I got up at 6 the headache was still there, as it is now. My throat is scratchy and sore. And I'm so very crabby and snap at everyone when I don't feel well. Why is it that people tend to listen to you less when you're sick? At least that's how they do me at my house.

On top of all that the monthly monster is rearing it's ugly head. Sorry, gentlemen ... but the women will understand. So I really don't feel well. UGH!

Sure hope the night passes in a blurr and things are better in the morning. I don't want a repeat of the last 24 hours anytime soon!

Not much to say

I don't have much to say today. I went shopping with my daughter to get presents for one of her friend's who is having a baby shower Sunday. We walked around one department store, found nothing and ended up at K-Mart. I did quite a bit of walking and then some standing while Mandi went to another part of the store for some hygiene stuff she needed. It was a good day.

Have a rant about the hubby ... He wanted to get up early this morning and go to breakfast and then wanted to do something. I got up at 6:00 and did my thing. By 9:00 I was hungry and he was still in bed, so ... I ate. He finally gets up about 9:30 and said, "I thought we were going out for breakfast and run errands". Well, yeah ... that's what I thought, too! Not my problem he wouldn't get his ass out of bed!

Mandi wanted to go shopping and since Tim wasn't moving, I told him I was going with Mandi and we could do our errands when I get back. He seemed okay with that. We get back and I let him know I was ready whenever he was. He sat in his stupid chair, rocking for almost two hours. Finally I askd if he was hungry at it was time for me to eat lunch. He decided we'd go out for lunch and then run our errand. Fine!

While out, he starts in about how he had wanted to go out for breakfast and get an early start. Well ... it wan't me who stayed in bed until 9:30! Now he's acting pissy and I just want to scream!!! ARGH!!! I am so tired of this kind of passive-aggressive crap from him I could scream. I want to get in the truck, drive off, and never look back right now. Can't cuz the baby is coming in an hour or so and spending the night but the though is nice. ::sigh:: Why isn't anything ever easy anymore? Rhetorical question that doesn't require any of you to answer. But why does he do stuff like this and then ultimately blame me for messing it up. If I had just waited to eat breakfast .... uh huh .... like that would have made a difference in what time he got up!

Sorry for the rant but had to get this out!

A couple lazy days

The last couple days have been lazy here in our home. I think the ever changing weather is just zapping us right now. It turned off so cold last night we needed winter coats to go out after dark. Brrrrr! I am NOT ready for winter to set in; not at all!

Took Tim to his retinal specialist appointment Tuesday. Basically, there's been no change in the last six weeks. Tim can either go ahead and schedule the surgery or he can wait and see if anything changes in the next three months. He opted to once again wait. The specialist assured him that the retinal detachment was stable for now. If there are any changes in Tim's vision at all, we'll call and the specialist will see him right away. Otherwise, follow-up in three months. The specialist did tell Tim that at some point it may become crucial for him to have this surgery and he will no longer let Tim opt to wait. I was glad to hear that!

The loss has remained stable. I had lost two more early in the week but they managed to creep back on somehow. Food choices have been good so this may be that time I tend to retain a little water. I'm okay with it. The 100 lbs gone hasn't changed and I'm happy for that!

Nothing else to say, really. Going to lunch today with both daughters and the grandbaby. Tim wants to go to his favorite hotdog stand so I'll be having the taco salad from Wendi's. I really enjoy it and don't mind eating it at the hotdog stand. Tomorrow we are going to have the baby for the evening and then overnight. This is a first for us. Since we don't have monitors, we're going to move the baby's crib from the spare room to our bedroom. She has a tendency to stand up and bounce a lot and I'm afraid she'll fall out on her head so I want her where I can monitor her. I hope she sleeps well here. I know how sometimes babies don't do well sleeping in strange surroundings.

Have a good Thursday ... Friday is just around the corner!

Ten months later

Ten months later
Originally uploaded by norakeno.

and 100 lbs lighter ... Who knew I'd be this far when I started this journey back in February?

January - November 2005

January - November 2005
Originally uploaded by norakeno.

100 lbs gone and they aren't coming back!

It's only fitting

Twenty-one years ago, I went on my first and last blind date. My best friend was dating his best friend and we lived two hours away from each other. The four of us went out for pizza and to a comedy club to see Chuck Salvo. Now 21 years ago, this man was a very popular comedian in the Chicagoland area. I have no clue if he's still doing comedy but he was extremely funny back then! I do remember having to go to the bathroom in the middle of his act and being heckled by him. I was mortified!

That was the night I met my wonderful husband Tim. By January we knew we were meant to be together. (He says he knew from the moment we met. His mom said she knew the moment she shook my hand I was going to be her daughter-in-law. I took a little longer to warm up to the idea.) We were married six months to the day we met. And we've been happily married (pretty much) ever since. Hey, all relationships have their moments!

So it's only fitting that 21 years later I have shed 100 of the extra pounds I've gained over the last 21 years. If I knew then what I know now ... The excitement is still there. I've looked at the before and current pictures ... need to get them posted here ... maybe in the photo album over there on the right in a few .... and though I can see a difference, I don't see the 100 lb difference. I'm not unhappy, don't get me wrong. And I know the differences are there. I was in a chat with two of my best NS friends last night and we were analyzing the photos ... look ... I lost my butt! Oh, and my right calf in the profile shows the difference. And what's that? I have a shape coming back. Who knew?

Taking Tim to his follow-up eye appointment. He says he's sure there has been a change and it isn't a good one but he doesn't want to have eye surgery. Hey, it's his eyes and I'm leaving it up to him and the doctor to figure out. I just want him to be as healthy as he can be for as long as I can keep him that way. Now that I've had him for 21 years, I'd miss him if he were gone. He is the other half of me.

Everyone have a great day!

100 Pounds GONE!

 Yep! I'm having me a party ... It won't be official until Sunday comes (unless I break down here in a bit and go post a weigh-in on Monday ... though I just posted a weigh-in yesterday) but as of this morning I have gotten rid of 100 pounds! It's gone and it ain't coming back!

To say I'm excited would be an understatement. I am in shock! I've been inching toward this milestone for a while now and I can't believe the day is finally here. I'm in awe that I have accomplished something this monumental! I'm thrilled that I made the right decision to begin this journey back in February and have managed to stick with it this time to have shed 100 pounds. I'm also a little nervous.

I still have 235 pounds to go to get to the goal I set for myself. If I look at the big number it seems I'll never get there. So, like my dear friend Melanie, I am looking at it in smaller terms. My next goal is to get below the 400 lb mark so that number shows again. I'm now 31 pounds from 399. My wonderful friend Consuelo says I'll be there in early January. I'm not sure I'm going to make that date, but I'm going to give it a whirl. Don't know if I don't try, right?!

I hope everyone has a FANTASTIC day! I know I'm going to be walking on air for a bit today. ::laughing::

Summing up Week 40

I had an okay week with food and water. I am drinking an average of twelve glasses of water per day and that seems to be working. I was a bit daft yesterday and counted iced tea as water and let me just say I think it made a difference in my weigh-in this morning. I had three glasses of iced tea with Splenda yesterday in place of three glasses of water. I weighed in this morning a pound heavier than yesterday. Water retention due to the tea replacing the water? Hmmm ... I suppose I could experiement more but I think NOT. I'm going to go back to my old theory. Water means WATER. If I drink a glass of iced tea, that means I still need to drink a glass of water.

Moving hasn't been as good as it could have been. I think I mentioned pulling a muscle in the back of my upper left thigh. If not ... I believe that's what I did. It caused me great discomfort this past week so I didn't walk like I had been doing. (Imagine the loss I could have had. Ah well ... this weigh in is behind me now.) Anyway ... in review, I walked a total of 16,018 steps this past week. The average number of steps per day was 2288 steps per day. That's just SAD! Total mileage walked was 4.51 miles with an average of just 0.64 miles per day. Again, SAD!

So I wanted to step it up today and walk twice and what happens? It is a very blustery day here in Illinois. Severe thunderstorms with high winds came across the state last night. And the wind and some rain lingers this morning. I'm going to get that quarter mile in somehow today (to make up for this morning0 and if the weather clears, I'll get my later in the day walk in with Tim. If the weather stays icky, I vow to go to Walmart or the local mall and walk until I get the total half mile in. I CAN do this! And I'm going to remember the conversation I had with Tim yesterday about psyching myself out. I WILL do this today!

Now for my weigh-in this week. I managed to keep two pounds gone this week. It was three yesterday morning, but as I said, I messed up and had tea instead of water, causing some retention. Caffeine will do that, I'm told. So I now have lost 96 pounds leaving me with four more to get to that 100 pounds gone milestone. One step, one meal, one day at a time ... onward I go!

A slow and lazy kind of day

Today dawned full of sunshine and the promise of major thunderstorms. The storms have not materialized yet, though we are under a severe thunderstorm warning until 4 AM. Shoot, it isn't even raining right now.

I spent some extra time with my youngest daughter today. She is such a joy and I am one proud momma in how she is turning out. What a beautiful and intelligent young lady she has grown up to be. I'm so very lucky to have been blessed with her in my life.

Program wise I did okay today. Went out for breakfast ... had a veggie omelete, small orange juice, and an English muffin. Lunch was a salad with chili on top and a little bit of low fat cheese. Dinner was grilled chicken, a small potato, and a salad. I got my fruits, extra proteins, and fats in just not itemizing them here! ;)

I've not done very well with walking this week. Pretty sad, as a matter of fact! Early in the week as I climbed into the truck, something in the back of my left thigh pulled and I've had quite a bit of pain since. I think I probably pulled a muscle but I've rested it a lot this week. That ends as of the morning. I'm going to start walking my quarter mile route twice per day. Early in the morning, I'll take Fancy Pants with me and then later on, I'll walk it again with Tim. That should help boost my daily steps and will also give me more aeorbic steps as well. I know I can do this.

Tim and I had a conversation today and let me just say right here in public for all to witness ... "I dearly love this man!" He knows me so very well. He told me I am my own worst enemy. He says I place way too many limitations on myself and need to stop and just go do the things I want to do. Instead of trying, I psyche myself out. You know what? He's right! All I can say is I'm going to be working on changing that attitude of "I can't" into "I can do this" and then I'm going to "Just Do It" like Nike challenges in their slogans.

So that's my day in a nutshell. I'll drop back in the morning to report my weight for this week. I hope the number I saw this morning holds steady until weigh in. If it doesn't, well ... I can live with it. But if it does ... I'll be one very happy lady! :D

Updates

I didn't log much online time yesterday. We had our granddaughter Cecilia for a good part of the day. She's nine months old now, has two bottom teeth, crawls (and man is she fast), and likes to get into everything. If you'd like to see an updated photo of her, feel free to click on the Family Photo Album link on the right. You'll find a picture of Grandpa holding her and one of her and her Aunt Mandi as well. No new photos of myself there. I'm waiting to post the 100 pounds gone picture! That should be before Thanksgiving.

I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon. He said that he feels the lymph edema on my left thigh has gone down some. Tim and I also thought this was true, but it was nice to have it confirmed. My blood pressure was down a tiny bit ... not enough to be significant but down some. It would probably be a more accurate read if they had a blood pressure cuff that actually fit and nurse put it on as snugly as it should be. The darn thing always has to pump up (it's mechanical) at least three times and it kills my arm. He said to continue to "try to lose weight" at which point I really wanted to kick him! Damn, as of today I've lost 96 pounds (but two of them won't be official until my Sunday weigh-in) in ten months and he says "continue to try". I really don't like doctors! Ah well ... he also said to continue with my walking and that's about all that can be done for the lymph edema. Some blood was drawn to check my potassium levels and a script for potassium pills (due to taking the water pills) was written. I'll wait to fill it when I hear back that I actually need them. I don't typically eat bananas. I love them but every time I add them as my fruit, I gain weight. I also don't eat potatoes very often due to triggering hunger the next day so the potassium pills may be the option I have to go with for now. GREAT! Another pill to add to the regimen. :D

I'm in a little better spirits today. Gosh, look at all who stopped by in the last couple days to encourage and support me. How can that not lighten my mood? Thanks to all you who stopped by and left me a comment.

Today may be a busy day. Have to get Tim up and moving shortly. Need to run a paper to the local social security office so Mandi doesn't lose her benefits when she turns 18 next month. (Is she really going to be 18? DANG where did the time go?) Figure we may as well go out for breakfast since we're going out. Then we have to get gas in the truck (right now at $2.22 gallon here in my area). A trip to get the oil changed and I'm thinking a walk around Target or Meiier for some added steps on the pedometer. That should take us up to lunch time. Maybe another meal out and dinner at home tonight.

I also added a new inspirational poem I came across to my Inspiration page linked on the right. This one is a somewhat religious one, so if you aren't into that, you may want to skip it. If you want and have a moment, check it out. I hope each of you has a great day!

Navigating through November

I cannot believe that it's November already! The only real indications I have is the calendar says it's true and the leaves are changing colors and falling from the trees. The temperatures here in central Illinois have been mild and we're supposed to be in the mid 70s through the weekend. One weather person even said that we're going to have very mild temps all month. Now I like warm weather as much as the next person, but this makes me wonder if we're going to all be freezing our butts off come January!

I'm now starting my tenth month in this new healthy lifestyle living and I have to be honest. I am losing my focus and my momentum. I don't know what's happened with me lately but I just feel defeated! I think it's the holiday blah's setting in early. I've already started thinking about Thanksgiving Day dinner. Not so much about what we are going eat ... but who will we be sharing it with. Our oldest daughter and the baby will be at her house. Our younger daughter and her boyfriend both have to work and then he's going to his dad's. My oldest sister will spend it with her man and her children. My brother will be going to his mother-in-law's. My younger sister will be going to one of her inlaw's homes. That leaves Tim and I pretty much on our own. And that's really getting me down. I know it shouldn't. I know I should just be thankful that my family is healthy and appear to be happy but it just hasn't been enough for me lately. What's missing?

I miss my mom. Gosh darn it, she was the one person I could always count on to make me see things in a positive light. She was my best friend and though she's been gone twelve years I still miss her dearly. Another realization that I've come to recently is how much I miss Tim's mom. That was a shocker for me. When she was alive, she and I never got along. There was always a feeling of me not being good enough for her son and it only got worse once we adopted the girls. About four months before she died of a heart attack, she told me how proud of Tim and I she was. She and I had finally made our peace. And then she died! And I miss her. I miss her wisdom. I miss her faith in Christ. I miss her cooking. I miss her just being there.

So all of this reflecting has brought up all kinds of emotions that I think I've been ignoring for a very long time. I know I'll make it through but the days have been rough for me lately. I won't give up on the weight loss process. I'm not even going to take a little break from it. I'm doing this for me and I'm not going to let me down. I will continue to strive to be the best I can be, to set goals and to achieve them.

I'm going to make this a 100% program day because I need it. I haven't been doing horrible but I haven't been 'by the book' this week either. I've got to knuckle down and get back to it. I want to hit that 100 pound goal by Thanksgiving Day. I've got six pounds to go. I know I can do this. I can, I can, I CAN!