Surgical Consultation

Had my appointment with the general surgeon today. He poked, prodded, moved, and manipulated that growth just about every possible way. He agrees it needs to come off now. He said he was getting an idea of where he'd cut to remove it. It will be an elliptical cut going from my knee to just below my groin. He said it will require an overnight stay in the hospital. I'll need to plan to be off work for a minimum of two weeks and possibly three. It will depend upon how well I heal and recover. The date is up in the air. He was going to look at the MRI images with the radiologist and then his office will call to let me know if they are going to do a biopsy first (he doubts it) or the removal. When they call, I will then be able to go ahead and schedule the surgery. His nurse said it will likely be in the next two to three weeks. Nothing I can do now but wait.

Good news for a change

So, we did the drive south yesterday to get our mail and complete some business. Last week we got a new (for us) car. Tim was stressing about our car payments with me stepping down as a supervisor and making less money so he decided we needed to trade cars. He got a super good deal on a 2005 Honda Accord with less than 20,000 miles on it and a warranty that's bumper to bumper up to almost 100,000 miles. This meant we could cancel the gap insurance policy we had purchased on the last car and get a refund of the unpaid balance. To do that, we had to go back to the dealership where the car was purchased. So off, we went.

I was set to fight with the dealer as they really are a shady lot. The good news is it went smooth as silk and we were in and out, with check in hand in about 15 minutes. The other good news is we got almost all of the money back! Yea for us. In addition to that check, we also got another unexpected check in the mail. With the two combined, it's almost as much as one of my two week paychecks. We're going to put that money aside for when I'm in the hospital and not getting paid. It's really going to help us out. We sure needed a break!

On the way out of town, we stopped to visit with Crys and Ceci (oldest daughter and the granddaughter). Gosh, but that baby is getting big. She's not really a baby anymore, she's a little girl. She was too cute. She started to laugh at herself and the laughter was just too funny. She was really having fun and expressing her joy. Her vocabularly right now seems to consist of Daddy, Mommy, Mama (Grandma) and Papa (Grandpa). She ran to me, and jumped into my arms. She held on tight for a big hug and it felt great! She and I played with a few of her toys. I read some books to her (watered down versions of course). I sang to her and held her and cuddled with her. I really hated to leave but she went down for a nap and time was getting short.

All in all, it was a great day filled with sunshine, family, and joy.

More Drama than CBS, NBC, ABC, and FOX Put Together!

Hi everyone ...

More drama added to my story today. I keep praying it's all going to end, and then more gets dumped into my lap.

Fell asleep for a few minutes yesterday afternoon in my chair, sitting up. When I woke up, I had this tightness in my chest. I figured it was my medicine stuck in my throat (you all can probably relate to the feeling of something lodged just below your breastbone). I went on to work and when I walked in felt terrible. Met the therapist in the office who demanded I call the campus nurse. She wanted me to call 911 as she thought I might be having a heart attack. I managed to drive myself to urgent care where they checked me out, ran an EKG, gave me baby asprin, and called the ambulance. Off to the hospital I was raced.

Called Tim upon arrival to alert him of the situation. Had blood drawn to check cardiac enzymes. Had a chest x-ray. Spoke to the ER doc and then a cardiologist who advised me the tests were fine but they were keeping me overnight to monitor my heart.

Tim arrived (having taken a taxi, bless his heart) and I was taken upstairs. Tim eventually reached my friend Barb and she came and took him home. She also brought him back today, picked me up, and took us back to our car at urgent care.

Today I spoke with the doctor on call for my doctor's office. He said he feels many over reacted, but at least my heart seems to be okay. Always better to be safe than to be sorry. Then I had an echocardiogram. Spoke with the cardiologis who said that my heart seems to be just fine. To be sure, I have to call and set up an appointment to have a nuclear stress test done. Oh goody! Then he goes on to tell me the chest x-ray shows an enlarged nodule which may be nothing but I'll have to see a pulmonary specialist. That person showed up a bit later and said he feels the nodule is a calcium deposit, but it will have to be checked out further. I'll need a CAT scan. It can wait 3-4 weeks while I deal with the leg situation. Thanks for the small things!

I've been discharged and am at home now. Spoke to the manager at work and work was a living hell yesterday with many staff not showing up or having some sort of problem. The campus site director had to work in our home along with the clinical director. I say good enough for them to have to get involved and see how things really are than to sit in their offices always telling us what we're doing wrong. At any rate, I don't go back to work until Tuesday afternoon. *sigh*

I'm pretty tired. They had to poke me many times. The IV the paramedic started in the ambulance blew the vein. Then the IV therapis had a difficult time establishing a new IV. It was very frustrating and I have a HUGE purple bruise on my left forearm now. Also had to have shots in the tummy (blood anti-coagulant). Was not in a private room this time and the older woman (age 72) was restless and kept me awake. I did take a nap with Tim a bit ago.

Anyway ... I still have to see the surgeon on Wednesady. Have to call the cardiologist on Monday to set up the stress test and eventually call the pulmonary specialist for the CAT scan follow-up. One fun thing after another, it seems.

Doctor Appointment Follow-Up

Just back from the doctor and I know some of you will be anxious to hear the news. First we covered the MRI results. The good news is this is mostly soft tissue which means there's a good chance it is non-cancerous. No way to know for certain until it is removed and they do a pathology test on it. That's also when I may find out what caused it in the first place. Next, it is barely attached to muscle and not attached to bone at all. This is excellent news for the surgeon because once they do a few cuts, it can likely be lifted right out. That's a good thing. The infection appears to be near the surface and is more of a skin infection than an infection in the growth itself.

I complained about the plastic surgeon office and she has now referred me to a general surgeon. She spoke with him while I was still there in her office and I now have an appointment with him on Weds of next week at noon. He will evaluate it and see if he's comfortable taking it off. At this point, I don't care about scarring. No one but myself, Tim, and the occasional doctor sees my legs anyway. I'm excited about this appointment and am praying that within a week or so of this appointment, the surgery will occur. (On a side note, this may very well be the surgeon I saw in the hospital. He didn't want to touch it at the time because I had state medicaid insurance so it will be interesting to see his response now.) The general surgeon could refuse to do the surgery so I'm not going to cancel the appointment with the platic surgeon until I speak with him. I'm just praying that the end of this tunnel is within my walk.

A Work Story

Well let's see ... Work last night was interesting. I ended up putting a girl in her place and had the other girls rolling on the floor in laughter in the process, literally. It went something like this.

It was time for the girls to be preparing for bed, taking showers, taking bedtime meds, etc. A relaxed time, however one somewhat interrupted as the girls who did the grocery shopping had just returned. Groceries were lugged in and taken down to the kitchen but no one wanted to help put them away. One of the other staff, I'll call her C, and I were talking about how things were done in our own homes where if we did the shopping, we expected the kids to help lug it in and put it away. After all, they wanted to help eat it all the time so they could help getting it into the house and put away.

There were three girls sitting in the living area, where we were talking. One girl was in the office taking her meds, I'll call her L. She turned around and started jumping into the conversation that C and I were having. C was getting irritated with L so I told L that we were having an adult conversation that did not concern her and could she please "see her way out of it". OMG ... the girls all busted up laughing because that's not generally how I am.

L started to wag her finger at me, mind you she's a good six to eight feet from me, telling me "Don't you mess with me, Miss Karon". I promptly replied, "Girl, first don't wag your finger at me. I'm not afraid of you and I'm certainly not afraid of you wagging finger. Furthermore, it is you who does not want to mess with me, missy!" Again, the girls were busting up. L was so flabbergasted she couldn't even go on looking at me. She turned away and the interaction ended.

The other girls were saying things like "Dang, Karon, I didn't know you could do that" and "You sure got her" and "Wow, you did good, Karon". It was pretty funny and it felt like the thing to do. L went on to bed and was alseep shortly after.

So ... just a glimpse into a small part of my night last night. Hope it made you chuckle a little.

Wow!

Almost an entire week has passed since I last posted. Not much has happened in my life, though.

I have an appointment with my primary doctor tomorrow morning. My leg has been a little more pink than usual and more tender so I called and got an appointment. I'm hoping she can light a fire under the arse of the plastic surgeon. His office called me yesterday and tried to move my appointment back two more weeks. I said "Oh hell no!" rather loud and clear. They ended up just moving my appointment to the afternoon on the 2nd of October instead. Said the doctor won't be in the office in the morning. So ... I'm taking the CD of the MRI photos to my doctor and see what she says and what she wants to do. I just want this whole thing to be over with now. I'm tired of it all.

Work has been okay. The girls go from totally obnoxious to tolerable. I suppose that's pretty much how they'd describe me lately. *laughing* Every day is one more down and I just keep on going.

I'll try to find time to pop back in the next day or so to update about the appointment. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, whatever!

The MRI and one picture of the mass

I'm sharing one photo of the many Tim took of the growth on my leg. I don't know that I'll leave it here for a long time, but we'll see. I feel like I've spent so much time talking about it here that you all may want to know exactly what it looks like. I hope it doesn't really disturb anyone. A few others I shared it with were repulsed and actually so am I. It isn't a pretty picture, of the leg or myself. I was tired and not very happy the night it was taken, hence the frown on my face. Since I'm sharing this one, I'll likely share post-op pictures as well. If others comment not wanting to see, I may share them in my picture album (linked on the left) instead of here. Again, I'll see.



Whew! That MRI was rough. First they didn't think I was going to even fit into the machine. It was a very tight squeeze. Then I had to lay flat on my back (not something I typically do EVER because the mass weight pulls on my knee and puts me in excruciating pain) for over two hours. I couldn't move, not even to wiggle my toes. Yikes!

When the pain got to be too much, I would close my eyes and picture myself surrounded by all of the people I've come to know in this weight loss journey. I would force myself to take deep and calming breaths, focusing on breathing in and exhaling fully. I tried to let go of all the negative with each exhale. It helped!

The photos from the MRI are really GROSS. Tim and I had no clue what we were looking at (they gave me a CD of the MRI to take to the plastic surgeon) but we were both grossed out to the point we had to stop looking. ICK!

Well, that's behind me and today is a new day. Hope everyone has a great Friday.

Another Update

Just got off the phone. I have the appointment for the MRI set for tomorrow at noon. The results will be sent to my doctor who will then forward them to the plastic surgeon.

Called the plastic surgeon's office and am now very frustrated. The earliest appointment they have is for October 2nd. I explained the urgency of the situation but I guess three weeks isn't going to make that much of a difference. I'm disappointed because I wanted this to happen this month and it's obviously not going to. It means remaining on the antibiotics and watching as this thing gets larger (it has since my release from the hospital).

On an up note, I think I may be eligible for one week paid vacation in October and that could be a good thing. If I'm out for 3-5 weeks that's one less that I won't be paid for. I'm trying to look for the silver lining in all of this. I'm frustrated but understand how medical stuff goes. At least they have plenty of time to get necessary insurance stuff together.

Another disappointment is that I was invited to a class reunion on October 21st and now that may not be possible. I don't know if I should go ahead and pay the $70 to reserve our spot or just say to heck with it. There's a good chance I'll be in hospital or recovering at that point. I wanted to go! It's a special reunion for those who graduated in the 80s ... 1980-1989 ... and includes both of my younger sisters as well as myself. I graduated in 1980. My younger sister graduated in 1982 and my youngest sister graduated in 1989. We were going to book hotel rooms together and everything. Guess that's all off now.

Stiff upper lip and all. I'll make it through yet another challenge. I don't have to like it, but I'll make it!

A visit demanding answers

Went to the doctor office and demanded an answer about getting the MRI. Seems for whatever reason, no one processed the referral to the imaging place for the MRI or to the plastic surgeon. I let them know this is serious business and I expect it to be handled asap. Got a call from my doctor's nurse this afternoon. The referrals are both in place. Wait til tomorrow to schedule the MRI and then call the plastic surgeon for an appt. I'll ask when I schedule the MRI how long it takes for my doctor to get the results. She will then have to send them on to the plastic surgeon unless I can request they be sent to both, which I will probably ask about. I hope to get this set up before the end of the week and have the appt with the surgeon no later than Tues of next week. We'll see how it goes. I just know it has to be taken care of now while I'm ready and while there's the danger of the infection getting worse.

Still Holding

I feel like so much of my life is on hold right now. I'm holding steady at 400 pounds. I'm on hold waiting for the doctor office to set up the MRI the plastic surgeon wants. I'm on hold for the surgery, because the plastic surgeon is waiting for the MRI results (how big is the mass and what is it attached to). I'm on hold changing to the overnight shift because it's supposed to happen when I come back from surgery. Life is on hold and right now, it sucks. I guess I'm only human wanting everything right this minute. I'm not a very patient person. Tim could confirm that! I hate to wait for anything and I hate to make anyone wait for anything. It's just not my nature.

I called the doctor office yesterday to find out what is holding up the scheduling of the MRI. I had to leave a message with someone who said they'd forward it on to the doctor's office. Why couldn't I just speak with someone in the office? It was mid-day and I know someone had to be there! I'm going to go into the office today and demand to know what is holding everything up. I don't want to wait. That thing seems to be getting bigger and bigger. It's once again tender to the touch and it stings quite often. I want it gone and I want it gone now!

Patience? Bah humbug! I have none.

Medical Update

First I want to say thank you to everyone for your positive comments about my last post. I am not going to give up, so know that I will get to my goal. Yes, it's been a long haul to date and I have a long way to go, but I am going to do this. I'm not going to let the fat defeat me. I'm still as determined as ever and I think most of you realize that.

I went to my new primary care physician on Wednesday. She was really nice, if a little 'out of the norm' for a doctor, in my opinion. It's not every day, at least for me, that you see a doctor with sandals, toenails painted, and a toe ring. Poor Tim! All he could focus on was that darn ring. *chuckling*

She was very attentive as I told her about the thing on my leg. She was concerned about the infection as it's pretty evident by the pink tinge it is still infected. She agrees it has to come off as soon as possible. Yes!

At the appointment, she said she'd discuss it with the surgeons in the group and the plastic surgeon and see who would be the right ones to remove it and she'd call me back. I got the call late last evening from the doctor herself. I can't even remember when a doctor called me last and not the office staff! I was impressed. She said the plastic surgeon wants me to have an MRI (which I guess is different from a CT scan which I had while in the hospital) to see how big the mass is, what it is made of, and what it is attached to so he'll know if he'll have to deal with muscle, bone, etc. It was late in the day so she said all the office staff was gone so no way to schedule the MRI yesterday. She went on to say the office will call me today to arrange that and then the next step will likely be to see the plastic surgeon. If he determines there is too much involved for him (but it didn't sound like she thought that would happen) then I will be referred to a teaching hospital staff (like University of Chicago Medical Center) for the surgery itself. I'm hoping that doesn't happen as that means more travel and Tim staying with me for sure and I honestly don't want him doing that this time. It's hard enough on me when I do that with him but with all his medical concerns, it's the last thing he needs. Also, my sister who wants to come up doesn't know anything about driving in the city of Chicago (she's a country girl at heart) and won't want to drive down there every day.

That's where I'm at with all the surgical stuff. Still no date, but will post as soon as I get one. I realize some of you are as anxious about this as I am. I am so looking forward to that thing being gone. Tim took photos of it but I'm just not brave enough to post them right now. It isn't a pretty sight. Perhaps in time I will post them though so everyone will have a clear picture of what I've been dealing with.

On the weight loss front, still holding steady at 400. I had shot up to 405 early this week but as of this morning that has stabilized back to 400. The doctor said we should place bets on how much this thing weighs. She's guessing more than 20 pounds. Having lugged it around for a very long time, I KNOW it's more than that! I'll be surprised if it isn't.

Going against my own advice

From the beginning of my journey, I've met new friends. Many would ask, "Should I start today or wait until Sunday?" My reply was always why put it off? Start today. I'm a firm believer in not putting things off. There's no time like the present and why give yourself the chance to not do what you want to do and know you should do but waiting?

That said, I'm putting my weight loss on hold except to maintain. Since May when I got a job, went to training for two weeks, moved, and started to work, I've bounced up and down the same ten pounds from 390-400. I'll admit I've not tried to stop the bounce and move the scale lower but only a couple times. All in all, I feel good about where I'm at right now though. It is a sign that come the end of my journey and arrival at my goal weight, I'll be able to maintain the loss. That's a huge positive in my book!

I'm kind of caught up right now in this whole surgery thing. When the thing came up on my leg, I didn't give it a lot of thought. I trusted a doctor who didn't know what he was talking about. It is indeed filled with fluid, but it's not lymph edema. The doctors haven't really said what it is, except that it's not cancerous and it's filled with fluid. I guess I'll have to wait and see what they say once they cut it off.

I know the weight loss the surgery is going to provide is going to catapult my motivation. It's already starting to get me excited about losing again. I know I'm going to do this. I've said it from the beginning and I say it now. I've come too far to give up now. Shoot, I'm almost half-way to my goal!

I'll be laid up for a time after the surgery, so what better time to get back with it than then? (See, the old me would have said the better time is now but I just can't bring myself to push myself about it right now.) I'll be homebound for a time, I'm sure. Remember I'm the only one in the house that drives so we won't be going out anywhere. I'm going to stock the pantry and fridge before the surgery so we'll have plenty of fresh and frozen goodies when I get home.

I don't necessarily make bad food choices right now. But I'm not really exercising, I don't count my calories, I don't make sure I'm getting the right foods every day. I'm eating too many carbs. I do watch portion sizes and am getting good at realizing I've eaten enough and pushing the food away. That's been a HUGE accomplishment for me. In the past, I'd eat until I was sick to my stomach and be miserably full for an hour or more. Not true of me anymore and I'm proud of that.

I try to come and post daily here but some days I just can't seem to make the time. I try to read blogs of my friends and am falling short there as well. I know while I'm laid up, I'll have so much time on my hands I'll build new habits. Also, with the change in work shift, I'm hoping to access the internet via wireless access at work. Woo hoo ... it will be so much more satisfying for me than the limited time I have right now.

Thanks to everyone for continuing to come and check on me. It's great to check and see how many still visit my blog daily. Those of you who leave comments keep me going, when I've wanted to quit. And yes, I've honestly wanted to say to hell with it and just quit. Then there's the niggling at the back of my mind that tells me I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this. I will reach my goal. Hang in there and continue watch as I make my journey forward.