My Christmas Miracle

for the first time since he died, that I have memory of, Tim was in my dream early this morning. I was surprised that he was in ill health in my dream. We were on vacation somewhere. We were having a good time. I woke up and that's all I really remember. It was good to see him. I think I expected him to be healthy. I miss him.

What If

I have had a thought for a while now and it is making me a little crazy. In the nineteen months since he died, Tim has not come to me in any way, shape, or form ... that I know of. I've had no "visits" in my dreams. I've seen no signs of him anywhere, like others talk about. I have not felt him nearby. Nothing. What if he went to Hell instead of Heaven and that is the reason. He could be pretty human at times, in the flesh so to speak. When he was alive I never once questioned his salvation. We were never the most Christian but we tried to walk the walk, talk the talk, and share Jesus with others. We tried to live as He would have us and as our Father commanded. Being Christian, I wonder what this could mean for my own salvation. If Tim is not in Heaven, I darn sure will not be going there. Why am i torturing myself with these thoughts? Why can't I just let it go? Why is it eating away at me? Why now? I'm so confused.