A Year in Reflection

Revisiting 2005

This is a post of reflection. I hope not to wander too far off topic, but make no promises. I apologize in advance. This is a long one folks!

The year started with me being a very unhappy person. I felt fat and ugly. I felt alone and without hope. I felt I was going to be trapped inside this fat body, crying to get out, for the rest of my life. I didn't really care about myself or anyone else. I was living because I was alive, existing really.

Then one night in January I started to think about the what ifs. What if I found a diet program that worked? What if I could lose weight? Would I regain some of my dignity, my self-respect, my zest for life? Would I want to live to see my granddaughter, who had not yet been born? Would I want to live to see her grow up? Would life start to matter to me again? Would I be happy to be alive?

I remembered my good friend Eric once told me that I needed to take care of me and let the rest of my family take care of themselves for a change. He told me I needed to start liking myself again and putting myself first. I was ready to listen.

I considered going back to LA Weight Loss. I had been a member there a very long time ago and did okay. But I tossed that idea aside. I considered going to Weight Watchers. Again, a program I did once a long time ago. I decided not to do that either. Then I thought of Nutrisystem. I had checked them out in 2004 but figured they were too expensive so did nothing else. I visited their site again and signed up an account. I lurked on the bulletin boards. I searched out profiles of those who had more than 100 lbs to lose. I found only one profile of anyone who had a story close to mine. It happened to be Rob (ProudUncle-in-GR). He started out at 542 and had lost a good deal of weight already. I started to hope.

It was the end of January before I could figure out a way to order the NS foods. Between the first of January and the end, I returned time and time again to read the bulletin boards and check profiles. I was encouraged by the successes I kept reading. More importantly, I was motivated by the successes of others. I ordered my food and started to walk in place in my kitchen holding onto the counter for support, 25 steps at a time, 100 steps a day. I thought I was going to die, but I kept it up.

I found what was a great e-mail support group (at the time) and everyone there encouraged me. They shared tips with me about what to eat until my NS foods arrived. I started that day, increasing my water consumption, watching what I ate. The pounds started to drop. The rest is, as they say (whoever "they" are) HISTORY!

I sit here now looking at 13 reasons I came up with for losing weight. I'm going to share with you the ones that can be tangibly be measured. Some are just wishes and personally emotional ideas.

1) I wanted to be able to put on my own socks and shoes. You know what? I can do that now! Yippee! I am once again independent and able to leave the house if I want without waking anyone to put my socks and shoes one me.

2) I wanted to be able to walk around stores and not ride the electric carts. I am about 50/50 on this one right now. If I don't have a lot of shopping to do, I walk. If I know I'm going up and down every aisle, I will use the electric cart. I know my limitations and I'm getting better.

3) I wanted to go to the movies and fit into seats comfortably. This one really depends upon how old the theater is, but I'll say this. I tried to go see a movie at our local theater a year ago and couldn't fit in the seat. I now go to the movies about once or twice a month! Hooray for me!

4) I wanted to be able to get down on the floor to play with Ceci (my granddaughter). Not only do I get down on the floor to play with her, I also sometimes sit in the floor to watch tv. I can get up and down without too much difficulty now.

The rest are pretty much things like 'be healthy', 'feel pretty', get a job, have my family be proud of me, etc. I've come so very far in the last ten months and I'm very proud of all I've accomplished. Taking a page from Bob's (BobEsq) blog, I'm going to do a year in review now.

Began 2005 ... weighing at least 530 pounds.
Ended 2005 ... weighing 421.5 pounds.

Began 2005 ... unable to put on my own socks or shoes.
Ended 2005 ... independent and self-sufficient.

Began 2005 ... only moving from one place to another when I HAD to.
Ended 2005 ... able to walk without getting short of breath for up to fifteen minutes at a stretch.

Began 2005 ... relying on my husband or daughter to do everything for me and to get me anything I wanted or needed.
Ended 2005 ... getting off my arse and doing things for myself.

Began 2005 ... feeling alone and without hope.
Ended 2005 ... surrounded by so many people who care about me and my success; supporting me through the rough times and cheering with me when things are going well.

I know my friends are going to be with me until I get to my goal. We'll laugh, cry, cheer, shout, sweat, and be there for each other because that's what friends are for. If you've made it this far, in this post ... you are most likely one of those friends. I say to each of you ... "Thank You!" Thank you for being here for me. I hope I've given as much to each of you as you have each given to me.

I look forward to 2006 because I know it's going to be another year that I can say I lost at least 100 pounds putting me at 200 pounds lost total and putting me within 125 pounds of my goal weight. No longer am I the little engine that thinks it can. I'm the little engine now knows that I CAN do this!

Everything seems very vivid

Got my new bifocals with the progressive lenses this evening. So far they make everything seem so vivid and crystal clear. They also have made me a little bit nauseous. I'll keep this short and sweet tonight as I'm heading off to bed shortly. I am working on a post of reflection that I hope to have ready for tomorrow.

Have a good night and if you're going out tomorrow night to celebrate the new year, please be careful and enjoy yourself. Remember it's not about food but about enjoying those you love as you usher in the new year!

Hugs!

Cars!

Got the call this morning that my car is ready. Well darn, they had it for almost a week. According to the service manager, there was a problem with one of the fuel injectors. That was what he said when Tim talked to him a couple days ago. Today, on the phone, he told me there was carbon built up on one of the fuel injectors and that may have been the problem. According to them, there is nothing wrong with the car and it functioning properly. Uh huh ...

I was skeptical when I got back the work order and it showed virtually no work done on my car. It showed my comments about the 'check engine' light coming on. Then it showed they tried to 'reproduce the circumstances' with no success. The next comment was the vehicle is functioning properly. Uh huh ...

So we get in the car and start it and it seemed okay. Drove about fifteen minutes and turned the car off. Ran an errand and when we returned, the car seemed to start funny and for a few seconds the idle seemed wrong. Then it righted itself and seemed fine. Off and on all day the car has seemed not quite right.

I'm angry that it seems the problem has not been fixed. What I really want to do is drive the darn car through the windows of the show room and tell them just where they can stick it! That would only get me arrested with a huge bill to pay for damage as well as a car that would really be messed up. But it would make me feel damn good!

I'll give it a few days and see what happens. If it continues to be a problem, I'll take it to another dealer that I have more confidence in the service department at. I would have done that in the first place but it was about 45 minutes away when the check engine light came on and the dealship we purchased the car from was less than five minutes away. I really hate this and am very aggravated by it!

On top of it all my sister told me today that she heard the dealership we purchased our car from is in danger of going under due to financial difficulties. Wonderful!!!

Gotta love the twists and turns of life, huh?

A Special Day

I woke up this morning and was in the bathroom when I heard it. My dear sweet hubby roused himself enough to sing "Happy Birthday" to me. He finished and went back to sleep but at least he was the first to wish me a happy birthday. And it has been just that.

Tim and I went out to McDonald's for lunch. We had errands to run and he was hungry. I'd had my morning snack and it was nearing lunchtime so I agreed to go to McDonald's with him. I had the grilled chicken bacon ranch salad that my friend Paul is always talking about. He doesn't use salad dressing for his, but I did. I used the Newman's Own light balsalmic venaigrette dressing ... 45 calories ... and found it to be surprisingly good. The entire lunch was only 245 calories! Thanks to Paul for talking about that salad so doggone much. I think I'm gonna be hooked on it for a while.

Later we went to see the movie "Fun with Dick and Jane". It was cute and we had a few laughs. My other choice was "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" because I LOVE Steve Martin and really enjoyed the last one but we decided to see Dick and Jane instead. I did indulge myself and have a small popcorn and a diet soda. I had no butter or salt on the popcorn but did add two shakes of some seasoning they had near the popcorn stand. The label showed it added two calories so I said what the heck and gave a couple shakes. I used the cheddar and the white cheddar ones. It was pretty yummy. The soda was my one soda I allowed myself for the day.

Afterwards, we went out to dinner at a family restaurant. I had orange chicken (very little sauce on it more like a terriyaki juice than sauce) with stir-fry veggies (no oil, please) served on a bed of rice pilaf (which I only ate a little bit of). The one thing I did allow myself, because it's my birthday, is a small slice of french silk pie. I didn't even eat all of it because I knew my tummy would protest if I did. I had two glasses of water with dinner and will finish glasses 13-16 in a little bit here.

Mundane Day

Today was one of those ho hum kind of days. Spent some time online and then just hung out with Tim. We didn't really have anything to do today and no money so we just spent some time in front of the tv together. See, told you it was mundane! :-D

No news about the car. Guess I better call the dealership tomorrow and see if they found the problem and how long this is going to take. I don't mind, really. I'm kind of enjoying the Malibu. It is nicely equipped and computerized. The other night I was amazed that it told me "Possible Ice". That was too weird when it popped up. I'm going to miss the outdoor thermometer that it has. That is way cool!

Was nuts and went overboard at dinner. It would have been okay and within my calorie range if I'd just exercised a bit of portion control. Thought I was doing good with the salad and then has some pizza. Bah! Tomorrow is a new day. I did get 16 glasses of water down and we'll see how it goes. Was over my calories by about 200 so I'll just drink my water and move a bit more tomorrow.

Right Back at It

As y'all know by now the scale did no movement this week. So today, I've been right back at it. I drank more than my share of water (20 glasses by the time I go to bed) and will likely be up all night tonight getting rid of it. Still seem to have some water retention going on though. Had to remove my wedding band that I had recently put back on.

I was careful with what I ate and managed to come in at the end of the day at 1642 calories. I'm happy with that. I aim for 1500 per day but don't get upset unless I go over 1800. So far, that strategy seems to be working for me and most of the time I come in under 1600. I am craving something sweet, though. Guess I'll have another glass of water. ;-)

Glad to have the holidays behind me. The new year will dawn shortly and I'll be off and running to meet my goal of being under 400 pounds before March 1. I have to believe I can still pull this off. I'm sure going to give it my best shot.

I'm also going to work on motivating myself to get back into moving with Richard Simmons and his Sit Tight video. I was doing it every day and stopped. Should have kept with it. Can add weights to increase the difficulty once I'm back at it for a little bit.

So, I have a plan and just need to implement it and stick to it!

Yesterday's Weigh-In

No drama or drawing it out this week. I'm a day late in reporting but I wanted to put it out here. I am the same as last week. I started the week at 421.5 last Sunday. I went up as high as 427 (EEEEEEKKK!) but was back down to 421.5 yesterday. I had the wonderful monthly monster visit and ate foods at a Christmas party on Christmas Eve that were higher in salt than my normal foods. No choice unless I chose not to eat and I didn't want to do that ... so water retention is likely the culprit and I'll hope for a loss again this week. I'm not going to get frustrated or beat myself up over this. A week of maintaining is a good thing. Shows I have what it takes to keep the weight off once I get to my goal!

I think I made good choices at my brother's yesterday for my holiday meal. I had turkey, a dab of mashed potatoes, a dab of stuffing/dressing, some celery and some more celery, and a deviled egg (made by me with fat free mayo but no one noticed). I avoided the baked beans (which I made and took) and there were no other veggies on the table. For dessert I chose my NS friendly peach crisp I made. It wasn't bad and since the other choice was cherry pie, it wasn't a difficult decision to make at all!

Hope everyone had a good day and now on to the new year. Woo hoo! Who knows, maybe I'll be able to say 2005 was the year I lost 110 lbs. I still have six more days!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza

This is not something I will make a habit of doing, but my granddaughter looked so darn cute today that I had to share one picture. I wish everyone a happy holiday, whichever one you observe or celebrate ... Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza ... May you spend lots of time with your loved ones and remember that it's not about the food but about being with those you love and who love you, too.

Am I Happy?

So, Tim and I had an interesting conversation a couple days ago. I was here at the computer and he was in his usual spot in his recliner, rocking. Out of the blue he said to me, "Are you happy?"

Boy! I didn't know how to answer that question. I didn't know why he was asking it. I didn't know if I wanted to be truthful with him and risk him misunderstanding me or if I wanted to stretch the truth and spare his feelings. In the end, I was truthful. If he's going to ask a question like that, then he has to be prepared for the answer.

I have to say that sometimes I am happy. I am unhappy more than I'm happy, though. I tried to pinpoint and put into words the things that make me unhappy. I don't know if it's unhappiness or discontent, or exactly what it is. I know that I'm tired of being poor. I mean really tired of not having money to buy the needs sometimes, let's not even mention the things I'd love to have but know I never will. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck and worrying about how much money I'm spending at the grocery store. The worrying about Tim and his health all the time wears me down. Thinking about Mandi graduating and leaving me here, alone with Tim scares the hell out of me. All of these contribute to my unhappiness along with other things, I'm sure.

I tried to explain all of this to Tim. I think he got part of it. He wanted to know is there he can do to make me happy. Well, damn! There really isn't. I'm doing what I can. I'm working on losing the fat that I've allowed to build up and has held me captive in my own skin. I'm trying to find a job to alleviate the money issues, but this area is so damn depressed. There are more people who want and need jobs than there are jobs and it's frustrating. I see the same ads week after week and have applied for those jobs. But no one calls me. No one wants to hire me. And I don't know why. And yes, I'm a little bit choosey about what jobs I apply for. I can't stand for long periods of time. There are some things I just can't or don't know how to do. Sometimes I feel Tim thinks I should take any old job. Sometimes I think I'd take any old job, but hear this ... NO ONE IS OFFERING ME ANY OLD JOB!

He said, "After 21 years, I'm still trying to figure you out." He doesn't understand me. He doesn't understand how I think. He doesn't understand how I feel. He just doesn't understand.

Case in point ... He thinks that I spend too much time on the computer. He doesn't get that this is my world. This is where my friends are. This is where I come to for the support I get nowhere else.

He says I spread myself too thin and it's zapping the life out of me. Huh? Reading blogs, belonging to support groups, interacting with my friends is what keeps me sane some days. I need it. He worries that I spend so much of my time encouraging others that I don't focus on anything positive. That I worry about everyone else but then that takes away from me focusing on me. I don't think that's true.

So ... he had things to say and I heard him. I will not give up my friends, my support, my motivation to even go on day to day sometimes. There has to be a middle ground. And he heard what I had to say. I know he's sad that I'm not happy. I know he wishes he could do something about it. Bottom line is the only person who can make me happy is me. I'm working on it but boy ... some days it's a HUGE task!

Just wanted to share those thoughts. Some of you may have insight and feel free to share. I don't know. Some days, life is good and I feel happy enough and things are okay. And some days life is like my favorite children's story book by Judith Voirst, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". If you haven't read this one, it's well worth the read.

"I think I'll just move to Australia!"

Happy Birthday to Mandi!

Today is Mandi's 18th birthday! My baby isn't a baby anymore. I sang a birthday song to her that her paternal grandma used to sing. It's not the traditional everyone knows so it's kind of special to our family. Her boyfriend made her pancakes for breakfast. I had three as they were very small and only 160 calories for the three. I used sugar free syrup, had my usual Morningstar veggie sausage links, and applesauce. It was a nice treat.

Tim and I had a couple errands to run so off we went. I walked at the grocery store today and am very proud of myself for doing so. The electric carts were there and I was tempted to just hop on one, but since we only needed a few things for me to prepare to take to my brother's for Christmas dinner Sunday I made myself walk. By the time we were finished my knees were really aching and my left leg with the lymph edema was really heavy. It doesn't hurt, it just gets very heavy when I do any walking. While waiting for Tim to check out, I found a bench at the front of the store and rested a few minutes.

We loaded the groceries into the car and I started the car. It started a little differently than usual and seemed to be running kind of rough. I mentioned it to Tim and he agreed that something didn't seem quite right. I turned the car and re-started it. Same thing and now the care seemed to be bouncing as if the idle was off. As I left the parking lot, the Check Engine light came on and started to flash. I had to turn around and take the car straight to the dealership where we got it not that long ago. Their mechanic was leaving in about ten minutes. Oh no! The service writer said it sounded like a mis-fire or fuel injection problem but no one can look at it until Monday at the earliest. GREAT!

Thankfully, the car is under warranty and includes a rental car while ours is in the shop. Woo hoo! We waited and the rental car agency came and picked us up and took us to their store. We ended up having a 2006 Malibu for the holiday weekend. Thankfully, we are not without transportation. That is such a relief. I was worried if I'd fit in the Malibu. It is not as big as our Impala. I'm happy to say I did fit. It's a little tight and really tight getting out, but I can manage. I guess we'll find out on Monday or Tuesday what's wrong with our car and they will fix it. Kind of makes us wonder how well they went over it before we bought it, though. It is supposed to be a mechanic certified vehicle meaning they checked over 100 things but now we have our doubts.

We'll be going to my cousin's restaurant for dinner tonight. He called and said he got Mandi a birthday cake ... well so did we ... and wants us to come to have cake and ice cream with them. I will not have the cake, but maybe I'll save enough calories for one scoop of ice cream. We'll see.

At least I got my walking in today. We aren't going to be without transportation over the holiday. We were in town and near the dealership when the car acted up so no added damage. All in all, I'd classify today as a good day!

Another Busy Day

Today has been a busy day. We left the house about 11:00 this morning and didn't return until about 5:30 this evening. First we went to the post office to mail our last Christmas card. It's to Mandi's first grade teacher. We've kept in touch over the years and I sent her a copy of one of Mandi's senior pictures. She was a huge influence in Mandi's life back then and I thought she'd like to see her all grown up and ready to spread her wings in the big bad world come June.

After that, we made a trip to the bank and then the video store to return a couple movies and a video game for Mandi's boyfriend. That done, we figured it was lunch time. Tim wanted to go to his favorite hotdog stand for a couple cheese dogs and some french fries. I can't eat anything there, but they've been great about me carrying in something from other places. I stopped across the street and got a Taco Supremo Salad from Wendy's.

When lunch was over, we headed off to Wal-Mart to have my eyes checked. I've had problems seeing things up close like for reading and working on Ceci's embroidered blanket. Figured it's been about four years since I got new glasses and two since my last exam so off we went. Sure enough, I need new glasses and bi-focals. UGH! I ended up getting the no-line bifocals and they'll be in early in the new year. Oh goody!

It was quite a bit of walking while at Wal-Mart. Parking was a nightmare but I managed to find a spot about mid-way of the lot. I hate the crowds and the traffic that goes with crowds. As I was finishing up my eye stuff I remembered Tim had a doctor appointment scheduled for the neurologist today. His tremors have gotten worse and Tim wanted them checked out. So we rushed to get to the doctor's office.

Parking there was almost as bad as at Wal-Mart. Finally got a spot and head in. By now I had to go to the bathroom so they let me in to go. On the way back, the receptionist started asking me about Tim's insurance. It is not the same as when he was to this neurologist back a couple years ago. Lo and behold, they don't accept his insurance. That ticked me off. Tim's regular doctor office should have known this. They scheduled the darn referral appointment! Back to the drawing board.

Off to Tim's regular doctor we go. This matter needed to be taken care of and Tim's doctor always gives him samples of two of his nine medications. Tim ran out of them and one is his "meanness pill" as Mandi and I call it so he HAD to have it! Ends up, he doesn't need a referral to see a neurologist and was told basically to call around and find out who takes his insurance and deal with it ourselves. OOOOOOOOOOOO!

Back to Wal-Mart we went because we were in a rush to get to the doctor office so we didn't do the rest of what we needed to do at Wal-Mart. Mandi got a gift card from her grandpa on Sunday and needed socks. Mandi was caught shoplifting there back in February and is not allowed back in the store (or any Wal-Mart for that matter) ever. So, we went back, dealt with the horrid parking once again and found her socks. That pretty much wrapped up the day.

By now it was near dinnertime and Tim wanted to go to my cousin's restaurant for dinner. We figured since we were in town, we'd go about a half hour earlier than usual. I had a grilled chicken breast topped with mushrooms cooked in very little oil and a cup of cream of cauliflower soup. The mushrooms were in place of the potato and we turned down the fresh bread.

All in all a full day. Got quite a few steps on my pedometer and I'm happy about that. Not quite as many as yesterday but I did okay.

Tim seemed to be feeling okay today. He didn't complain and he ate pretty well. He also did no throwing up today so I will wait on the visit to the ER. He said he still doesn't feel good though and his blood glucose is up a bit. I'm keeping an eye on it. I'll continue to update as we near the holiday and the new year.

A trip to the mall

Mandi wanted to go to the mall today. I hate going to the mall and I hate shopping. Part of this in due to the stares, laughs, pointing that follows me and part of it is I've just never really enjoyed shopping. But she was uneasy about driving in the city the mall is in and I decided it wouldn't hurt me to take her. So to the mall we went.

I amazed Mandi because I didn't drive around the mall looking for the closest parking spot. I found a spot and whipped in. It was a little bit of a walk, but not too bad. Once inside she went off to shop and we agreed to meet back in the food court when she was done. I did a bit of walking around the mall and then headed to the food court to sit and rest. I didn't do as much walking as I could have but I didn't want Mandi to panic if she couldn't find me when she was done.

We went out to lunch and I did okay with my meal choice. I had a chicken salad with honey mustard dressing. It came with a dinner roll and I ate about half of it before I decided it really didn't appeal to me. What did appeal to me was three of the mozzarella cheese sticks Mandi ordered. RATS! What in the world was I thinking? Double rats!!

Anyway, we got to spend some real quality time together. I'm going to miss her when she moves out come summer. She says she's moving out so she can be ready for community college and have her own place. We'll see how that goes. She's my baby and she drives me batty some days but I love her. She has been my rock some days and I'm going to be lost without her. She and I have the relationship I had with my mom. Gosh, this must be how my mom felt when I went away to college! I'm learning so much now that I'm aging and my kids are growing up.

Update on Tim ..... He didn't go with us today. He said he still didn't feel well. While we were gone he was really sick. It worries me because the stuff he said he threw up sounds like the last time he went to the hospital with a GI bleed. I'm going to monitor him and see what happens. If he throws that crap up again, I'll take him to the local emergency room. It will be a fight and I hate to do it with the holiday so near but his health is much more important. I'll keep you updated. If I disappear ... know that's probably what happened and I'll be back when I can.

Husband Rant Enclosed

This post will likely have very little to do with weight loss, so feel free to skip it if you want. It was one of those days I wished all day long I was single and had never married!

My husband is a great guy. I don't know if I'm saying that because I believe it, because I'm trying to convince you, or trying to convince myself. But he has been here for me for over 20 years now. That has to count for something, right?

The day started out with him saying he didn't feel well. I heaved a big sigh because when Tim doesn't feel well it means I'm in for a day from hell! He whines and complains and just sits around feeling sorry for himself being miserable and making everyone around him miserable. He won't take anything to make him feel better, he won't let me do anything for him to make him feel better, he just sits there being miserable. It drives me CRAZY!

Then Mandi wanted to go out for breakfast and was mad that I had eaten already. It was 10:30 AM. Of course I had already had breakfast. I offered, since it was close to lunch to go eat lunch out with her. She said okay and asked Tim if he wanted to go. He did but see here's the thing. It takes Tim an hour or more to get ready to do anything. There he was in his boxers, rocking in his damn recliner, sipping a diet Coke. Mandi said, "Well I'm hungry so can you hurry?" which I didn't see anything wrong with but it set Tim off. He took his sweet time and we left about 40 minutes later.

Lunch was fine. Tim ate pretty well and seemed to be feeling better. But as soon as we got back home, he went and laid down and stayed there until dinnertime. That also drives me crazy. I know he's disabled and he gets bored but the laying around and sitting in his recliner and rocking all day long ... in his own little world ... it makes me NUTS!

At one point I asked him if he was okay. (Well, I actually asked him several times but this one sticks out because of his reply.) He said he's just stressing. I asked about what and he said 'the usual' which generally means money and is a prelude to him asking me if I've checked the classifieds today. I asked if he wanted to talk and he said there was no point. Damn it! He is so stubborn. This is the one thing that has been a struggle every day for the last 20 plus years. Why doesn't he understand sharing the problems and concerns can sometiems lighten the load? Ah well ...

It's been a rough week and it's barely started. Sometimes I feel like everything is just spinning out of control. At least I have my weight loss on track. I don't think there's going to be a loss on the scale this week but we'll see. Thanks to the monthly monster I seem to be up a bit. I still have some time before weigh-in though so I'll have to wait and see. I've learned that just about can happen in the journey.

At least I've gotten that all out. Maybe now I can just move on!

Mundane Monday

Today was a pretty mundane day. The kids had finals today and both of them (Mandi and her boyfriend) were able to exempt most of them because they have good grades. So the kids were home most of the day. My oldest daughter called to say they needed her to work so we had Ceci for a little while. She was into everything! I cannot wait until she's about three and understands no means NO. Right now, it's all just a game to her, unless a swat on the bottom accompanies the no and I hate to do that. She isn't my baby and I doubt her mom or dad spanks her. For now I am relying on a strong NO and distraction techniques.

Picked up some meds from the pharmacy and went out for dinner with the kids. They wanted Chinese. I ate a little bit of pork fried rice and some green pepper steak with no MSG and very little oil. I think I did okay and ate not even half of what was on the plate. Went over my calories a little but it's early in my week and I did great yesterday so felt okay in slipping a little bit here.

I need to go to a group chat now I'll wrap this up. Have a great evening and stay warm. We're headed down to near zero tonight. It was only four with a wind chill of minus 8 when I got up the morning. Brrrrr!

Another Weigh In

I managed for the second week in a row to shed pounds. I dropped 3.5 pounds this last week which brings my total since starting in February to 108.5 pounds gone. Wow! That's a small person. Amazing!

Going to be a busy day with the parties. My morning has already been a little nuts. Then my youngest daughter calls and wants me to make a cheese ball for her work party. Like I have time to run to the store, get the goods, make it, etc. Sheesh! And ... I wouldn't be able to eat the damn thing anyway! Maybe if she'll run to the store, I'll relent and make it for her though. I hate letting her down.

Have a great day everyone. I don't think I'll have time to do my blog rounds this morning. Sorry about that but I'll try to get to them all this evening.

Exhausting Day

I don't know why exactly, but this has been an exhausting day for me. It started out okay. I slept in about an hour but that's more because I was up a couple hours past my bedtime last night working on a new project. Sleep seemed to be fairly restful.

I was near tears this morning. They were right there, just under the edge for a good part of the morning. Went to the post office, then to the bank. Tim and I went to the grocery store. Big mistake! Everyone in our county must have been shopping today. UGH! I hate doing the shopping anyway and in a crowded market it's even worse.

Turned a corner and spotted a Louisianna Crunch Cake. That was my mother-in-law's most favorite of all desserts and it brought tears to my eyes. I managed to blink them and go on, but I kept seeing that cake and remembering all the times she'd shared with us.

Home and we put the groceries away. Got a call from a newer friend in tears. Seems she did something to upset her husband and now he's making her quite a support group that she really needs. I think he's being a jerk, but she's the one who has to live with him. I feel badly because I feel part of it is my fault, but there's really nothing I can do other than support her in any other way that I can.

Went to Walmart to shop for a Christmas present for my daughter to take to her work party tomorrow. Limit is $20 and she wanted an electric throw. I found on but it was $30 and I didn't think she would want to spend that much. I got a different throw, which is still a very nice throw and in line with the limit. Went to dinner where she works and she blew up at me. She's angry I didn't get the electric throw anyway. (See it was a no-win situation. If I'd purchased that one, she would have been mad at me spending so much of her money. Since I didn't purchase it, she's mad at me for not getting it. I couldn't win!) I swear every time I try to help someone I end up in trouble.

I'm feeling really drained...physically and emotionally. I'm tired. The monthly monster rears it's ugly head and damn I wish I wasn't a female. These hormones are driving me crazy!

Tomorrow will be a challenging day. I have a family gathering with food in the early afternoon. I'll be taking a 'legal' casserole and dessert. I've been assured that there will be other foods there I can eat. And then I have another party in the early evening with more food. I'll do my best to make good choices. My journal post may be late tomorrow, if I remember to post at all.

Have a great Sunday! (Oh, wait a minute! Sunday is weigh-in day. I'll post mid-morning about that, so ...)

Picture with Santa

Our oldest daughter called this morning. At first I thought she was calling to find out why I didn't call and wish her a happy birthday yesterday. I meant to, but one thing led to another and then she was at work. I feel badly that I didn't call her. But ... that wasn't why she called. She wanted to know if Tim and I would like to go out to lunch with her and Cecilia. We said okay and met them at a local family style restaurant.

I made good food choices there. Had a grilled chicken breast on a croissant (yeah I know ...not a good carb and higher in fat than a bun but it sounded different which sounded good). I opted for a cup of broccoli soup but Ceci ate most of that. I had some zucchini and a small tossed salad with lettuce and tomato.

After lunch we ended up at the local mall to have Ceci's picture taken with Santa. We had no idea how she was going to react, but she did great. And the photographer was wonderful. Hopefully, my sister will scan the picture and email it to me (I have no scanner) so I can upload it to my Family Photo page. It turned out to be a great photo!

Good news is I managed to walk around a bit while we were there. I also got a haircut which I had needed desperately. This helped boost my pedometer steps, but no way will I meet my target steps I set on Sunday. It's okay, though. I'm still moving more than I had been.

I also noticed yesterday and today that I am walking up our front steps (four of them) like a normal person instead of like a toddler. This is a huge thing for me as I generally climb stairs one step at a time one foot at a time. I feel pretty darn good about it.

Didn't post my foods today; not because I didn't eat on program but because I just didn't feel like it today. I've just been in a weird mood, I guess.

Well, I have things to do so I suppose I'll mosey on now. Hope everyone had a great day today and woo hoo! Tomorrow is Saturday!

Food Log

BREAKFAST
A variation of Paul's Bundt Cake that I came up with. I call it Cinnamon Roll Cake ala Karon ... 1/3 cup bisquick, 1 egg, 1/4 cup skim milk, 1 tsp vanilla, splenda and cinnamon to taste. Mix batter and pour half into a small sprayed baking dish. Sprinkle with cinnamon-splenda mixture. Top with remaining batter and bake 400 degress for about 20 minutes until done. I will be getting some low carb pancake mix to try but until then, I'm stuck with bisquick. At least I'm using the lower fat version! With that I had two Morningstar vegetable sausage links and a tangerine. Total calories came out to 415 calories.

SNACK
1 ounce grilled chicken and an apple

LUNCH
4 ounces chicken (including the extra ounce for extra protein serving), 1 cup of cabbage and shredded carrots with 1 tbsp low fat mayo, tsp milk, and a packet of splenda, and an apple.

DINNER
Subway Roasted Chicken Breast salad with cucumbers, tomato, red onion ... one packet fat free French dressing, 1 cup green beans.

DESSERT
3 Snackwell's sugar-free Shortbread cookies

Snow changing to rain

Today's weather was forecasted to be a pretty horrid day but it wasn't all that bad. It was snowing when I got up and a little while later I heard what sounded like ice hitting the skylight in our kitchen. An hour or so later, it was drizzling which it did all day. I wish I could say that the snow all melted, but it did not. Now we have slushy yuk on the ground!

Had a pretty good day. I did a fair amount of walking. I drank two extra glasses of water. And if you take a look at what I did eat today, I think I did pretty darn well.

Ran into my aunt this evening and she was telling that I'm melting away. She wanted to know how much I've lost and when I told her 105 pounds she was thrilled for me. This is one of my father's sisters and she battled obesity for a good part of her life, finally getting it under control about 7-8 years ago. She asked me how much I was planning to lose and when I told her 325 pounds she was amazed. She never dreamed I weighed as much as I did when I started on this journey. It felt good to have her comment and tell me she's proud of me.

Tim had an episode of low blood glucose this evening. He was acting funny and unable to answer a simple question. Checked his blood sugar and the monitor read it at 35. If you know anything at all about blood glucose levels, you'll know this was dangerously low. Gave him an Andes chocolate peppermint candy and then made him a grilled cheese sandwich. About half an hour later, he seemed to be back to normal. I hate when this happens. I worry one of these days it will drop like that and I won't notice until it's too late and he's comatose! His body seems to have a high tolerance for both high and low blood sugar readings. It can be as high as unreadable on the meter and he not be aware of it or as low as 35 and him also not notice. I notice the lows, because he can't form sentences, starts to perspire, and gets very lethargic but I don't recognize the highs. I worry about this all the time!

Got a few things to do online and nothing on television tonight. Looks to be another boring night in this household. Yippee!

Food Log

BREAKFAST
2 eggs scrambled with one ounce of grilled chicken (left from last night's dinner) and 1/2 ounce shredded Kraft 2% Colby-Monterey Jack cheese, 1/2 cup Musselman's Lite Mixed Berry Applesauce (sweetened with Splenda), and two slices Healthy Life Lite Bread. I also used 2 tsps of ICBINB spread (one to cook the eggs in and one on the bread toasted). Entire meal was 319 calories.

SNACK
1 ounce chicken and a tangerine. Calories ... 77

LUNCH
Lean Cuisine Three Meat pizza with an ounce of 2% shredded cheese as the protein serving. I need to get to the grocery so that's all I had. I may make up for it later, but that pizza was very filling, too. Total calories for this meal ... 390 calories.

DINNER
1 large La Tortilla Factory whole wheat low carb/low fat tortilla baked, 1 cup lettuce, 4 ounces lean ground beef, 3 slices chopped tomato, 2 slices chopped onion, 1 ounce 2% Kraft shredded cheese, 2 tbsp salsa, 2 tbsp fat free sour cream, and 1 cup mixed vegetables. Baked the tortilla and crunched up with the rest of the foods except mixed veggies for taco salad. Meal was 545 calories.

DESSERT
It's 7:30 PM here and I'm not at all hungry. I doubt that I'll eat a dessert tonight, though I have the calories to allow for one. I'm just really not in the mood.

*************************************************************************************
The entire day came out to be 1331 calories which I think is a good number. The scale will be the determining factor on Sunday but I can say that it has moved downward every day this week so far ... Knock on wood!

Kind of a Busy Day

Well today was a little bit busy. Had to have Tim at the hospital early this afternoon for an ultrasound scan of his blood flow in his legs. The doctor suspects that the blood flow is not normal. We'll have the results of the test back in a couple days.

I walked into the hospital and all the way to the Imaging Department without having to stop and rest. That is a big NSV for me. I also walked back out with resting. I almost sat down to rest at the entrance to the hospital on the way out but wanted to challenge myself. I was even able to converse with Tim while we were walking which is something I generally don't do because I'm huffing and puffing.

Next stop was the pharmacy. I wanted to check into something to relieve the pain in my back as it was pretty bad today. I'm certain I only pulled a muscle so got some over the counter backache relief medication. I double checked with the pharmacist to make certain that it wouldn't be a problem interacting with my prescription meds. Generally, I would have sat in the car and sent Tim in for this but today I went in with him. I even browsed in the store for a bit on the way back out instead of high-tailing it out of there like I normally would. Woo hoo!

This evening we went out for dinner and instead of eating two chicken breasts which came with the dinner I ordered, I asked for a box and boxed one up right away. I'll use it for protein servings tomorrow. I also ate a bit of the mashed potatoes with gravy and then poured salt over it to discourage me from eating anymore. I know myself. Had I not done that, I would have sat there and picked at them until they were all gone. Both of these things were pretty good victories for me tonight. Also, the foods are healthy as my cousin owns the restaurant and he makes just about everything from scratch. His mashed potatoes are even real potatoes without extra stuff added.

I looked at my pedometer and can't belive my eyes! It is registering almost 3000 steps which is a LOT for me. I can't believe I did that much walking today but I must have. It's been a pretty good day!

Food Log for Tuesday, 12/13

BREAKFAST
1 egg, 1 slice Kraft 2% cheddar cheese, 1/2 whole wheat English muffin with tsp ICBINB spread, and a tangerine.

I made an egg muffin. Toasted the muffin and spread with the ICBINB. Put the cheese on top of the muffin. Pan-fried the egg in ICBINB spray. Put the egg on top of the cheese and voila! This is one of my favorite breakfasts and logs in as 211 calories.

SNACK
An apple and a slice of Kraft 2% cheddar cheese. I really need to get some more protein options. Love apples for my fruit but getting a little tired of cheese.

LUNCH
McDonald's Double Hamburger, low sodium V-8 juice, apple dippers without the caramel sauce. Total calories 395.

DINNER
4 ounce grilled chicken breast, 1 cup mashed potatoes (boiled potatoes with nothing added), 1/2 cup country gravy, and 1 cup mixed vegetables. Total calories for meal 726.

DESSERT
Did not have one as I was close to my 1500 daily limit. I wasn't hungry so I didn't have it.

Total calories for today was 1443 calories.

Just another Monday

Today has been a day of pain for me. Yesterday I guess I twisted wrong and I hurt my lower back on one side. It hurt all day yesterday and was a bit worse today. I have alternated between ibuprofen and acetaminophen all day. Neither has seemed to help much. I figure it's going to take a few days to heal I just have to suck it up and keep going.

Foodwise, I think I had a pretty good day. Today's my first day of putting it all out here for you all to see. Yes, I will admit from the start that I eat out most of the time. Life has been like that from almost the moment I married. It started because Tim didn't like the idea of me working all day only to come home, cook, and then have to clean up the kitchen. I grew up in a home where eating out was a treat and a rare occurrence so he didn't have to twist my arm too far to get me to agree. That said, the poor food choices and super-sized portions I was eating were a huge contribution to the pounds I packed on steadily over the last twenty years.

The good news is, I've been eating out almost since I started NS and still managed to shed 105 pounds to date, so I must be now making better food choices. In fact, I know that I am. Better choices, healthier choices, and portion control. I am living proof that one can eat out and still lose weight contrary to what many studies want us to believe.

I'm not doing so well with my pedometer challenge this week. I think I am a little overwhelmed by the number of steps I'm aiming for. I think it's setting myself up for failure right now. Add the back injury to that and I have a pretty darn good excuse (and yes, I realize that is what it is) for not walking as much as I should. I'll try to get back at it, but you know ... lately my philosophy has been to tackle one problem at a time. I was stalled in the pounds coming off and have adjusted for that. I know I'd lose more pounds if I exercised more but if I can't motivate myself to do it, it isn't likely to get done. So I'll trudge on, doing the best I can for now, not pushing too much in the exercise area and hope that the scale continues to move downward for me. One step, one meal, one day at a time I will continue forward.

A little change

Just wanted to say I've been thinking a lot lately about whether to post what I eat every day or not. I was under the impression that no one would really care. Suzi, in her charm and insight, advised me not to be too sure that others aren't interested. So for a while (if I remember) I'm going to do two posts in my blog daily. One will contain what I'm eating with calorie counts and will start out early in the day to be updated as the day goes on. The other will be about my mundane life such as it is. I'm doing this in a effort for others to see that it isn't that difficult to do this on your own but also to give ideas to others who are doing it on their own. I hope it helps someone.

BREAKFAST
Applesauce Cake ... this is my version of Paul's Apple Bundt Cake. I no longer have the NS pancake mix and am too cheap to order it ala carte. That pretty much forced me to come up with an alternative if I wanted to have this and I did. This counted for my entire breakfast ... entree, protein, fruit, and carb. The total was 315 calories, 11 fat grams, 46 carbs and 10 protein. Here is the recipe I came up with:

Applesauce Cake
1/3 cup Heart Smart Bisquick
1/4 cup fat-free milk
1/2 cup applesauce (can also use any of the splenda sweetened applesauces)
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Mix altogether and pour into a microwave safe or oven approved dish. Microwave until done (some say about three minutes) or bake in 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes or until done (springs back from touch).

LUNCH
Arby's Market Fresh Chicken Club Salad (picked off the chicken) with lite Ranch dressing and an apple. Total calories for meal was 401 calories. I figure the salad had enough protein to count as the NS entree and the protein serving because it had a boiled egg on it and some cheese.

SNACK
A slice of Kraft 2% cheddar cheese and an apple.

DINNER
Fazoli's child Ravioli with meat sauce, 1 cup broccoli with 2 tbsp parmesan cheese. A little higher in sodium content (660 mg) so I drank water with dinner and will finish an extra 16 oz of water before the day ends. Total calorie value 475 calories.

DESSERT
Three Snackwell's sugar-free shortbread cookies totaling 130 calories.

Total calories consumed today 1643 ... just a tad over my target of 1500 but still less than the 1800 I was shooting for. All in all, not a bad day, in my humble opinion.

I'm Back on Track!

After 45 weeks following the Nutrisystem program I am now down 105 pounds. This last week I did some tweaking to how I was eating. I started to pay more attention to the calories in some of the things I'd been eating and found I'd been consuming way too many calories! I also came to the realization that I am much better off planning what I'm going to eat ahead of time and logging it into Fit Day to be sure I'm not exceeding my daily calorie total. Then I have to stick to the plan so I know where I'm at during the day. It worked and paid off with four pounds jumping right off this week. Woo hoo!

I didn't do as well with my pedometer challenge this week as I'd hoped. Actually, looking at my daily stats, I thought I had it in the bag. But I let myself down yesterday. I've not felt well the last couple days ... I think I caught a cold going in and out shoveling the other day. I would come in because I felt chilled and needed to sit down. I'd take off my coat and be sweating. I'd rest and then bundle up and go back out. Probably not the smartest thing to do. Ended up with a bit of a runny nose and a sore, scratchy, and tickling throat. But back to my steps ...

I didn't meet the target steps yesterday and that totally ruined my chances of meeting my goal. It's okay though. I came pretty darn close, missing meeting the goal by only 85 steps. My target was 2481 average steps per day and I walked 2396 average steps per day. Who knew 674 steps misssed yesterday would end up having such an effect? Here's how my steps looked this past week:
Sunday 2565
Monday 2520
Tuesday 2694
Wednesday 2117
Thursday 2571
Friday 2495
Saturday 1807

Total steps 16,769 with an average of 2396 steps per day.
Total miles 4.71 with an average of .68 of a mile per day.

I'm going to set my goal for an increase of 10% over this past week's steps so my target for this next week is 2636 steps per day.

As far as meeting my goals for last week I drank at least 12 glasses of water per day and a couple days had 16. I did not eat sugar-free snacks or candies but did have potatoes twice. I counted calories but did not stay in my target of 1500. Out of seven days I exceeded my target steps on my pedometer five days. I did not do any extra exercise. All in all, I'm okay with how the week ended.

My goals for the coming week are:
1) Continue to follow my program and log my calories to keep me on track shooting for 1500 calories per day.
2) Drink a minimum of 12 glasses of water but aim for 16.
3) Get at least 2636 steps on my pedometer daily.
4) Move to my Richard Simmons "Sit Tight" exercise video at least twice this week.

I feel I've regained my focus and am back on track. Next weekend I'll be seeing family I've not seen since I started NS back in February; some I've not seen since a year ago. I talked with my step-dad a while ago and he told me to bring whatever I need to bring to stay on my 'diet'. (Silly man doesn't understand it isn't a diet but a lifestyle change!) I intended to do that. I know I can go to this family dinner and stick to my program and enjoy visiting. I'm looking forward to another good week!

Just a ho-hum kind of day

Nothing interesting really happening here today. I spent the morning perusing the NS bulletin board. I did find some humor there and a couple posts about Paul's Apple Bundt Cake. I tell you, I think everyday someone over there says they are so thankful that Paul came up with that one. I think it is the one recipe I've seen mentioned over and over and over again. Today there were two threads going about it. I'm proud to have Paul as one of my NS buddies, I'll tell ya! Hey, Paul! You have any new recipes to share? hee hee

I don't think I've been very successful cutting my calories back like I had wanted. Seems if I shoot for 1800 then I end up with 2000-2200. So I am going to now shoot for 1500 and hope to not go over 1800. Either way, I should be losing pounds but that doesn't seem to be the case. We'll see for certain when I weigh in tomorrow. Earlier this week I was up to 432 and then dropped to 427.5 ... and then went back up to near the 430 mark. That's pretty much where I've been for the last three weeks.

I think the key is in planning and up until now, I've been pretty bad at planning. I'd eat and then add up the calories and then go "Oh, man!". Well not anymore. Starting this morning, I'm adding things up BEFORE I put them in my mouth. It is 3:15 PM here and I'm sitting at 1052 calories for today. Staying at 1500 seems within my grasp. I considered creating a page linked to this blog to log my foods and for feedback from whoever wanted to contribute but for now I'm going to stick to logging it into Fit Day for now. If I continue to struggle I still have the option to create another page or use one of the other two I have to do a food diary. I just figure most of you don't really give a rat's ass what I'm eating!

Lastly, I came across a fun little holiday game Snowball Fight at the NS bulletin board today. I wasted a bit of time there and enjoyed myself. Enjoy!

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Oh, the weather outside is frightful ... and it definitely is. Tim and I went to town and managed to pick up a snow shovel and something for me to cook for dinner before the snow started falling. It was barely snowing when we went into the grocery store but when we came out the ground and car was covered! And the streets were already becoming snowpacked and treacherous. I was glad to come home and know I don't have to go back out tonight.

It's been another good day for eating. I am finding more useful tools at fitday.com and am really just enjoying using their tools. I found out that today I've burned around 3000 more calories than I ate so that's a good thing. That's enough calories to make almost a one pound drop on the scale. Woo hoo! I'm going to figure this out yet. Funny, it said I burn almost 3000 calories just by being alive; I think that's what the basal reading means.

I've increased my water by an average of two glasses per day. I'm also trying to watch my sodium intake closer. I didn't quite make it to my goal on the pedometer yesterday but was close (about 300 steps short and too lazy to walk those around the kitchen before I went to bed). It should all average out to be okay for me to meet my goal in the challenge though. I do believe I should show a loss on the scale this week. If not, it won't be because I didn't try!

Lazy Day & A Storm Is Brewing

Today was a lazy kind of day. We had no errands to run and the baby was here for a while in the late afternoon. We pretty much just hung out all day. I went over my calorie goal by about 200 today. I know why and will take the steps to make sure it doesn't happen tomorrow. Too bad that this is not an exact science and one never knows the calories they are consuming unless they add them up first. I have a tendency to eat and then figure it all out. I'm thinking maybe I need to modify that little habit! :-D

We have a major snowstorm supposedly heading our way. It's supposed to start snowing sometime near the wee hours of the morning and snow all day and into tomorrow. Total accumulation is being estimated at 3-6 inches right now. I'm looking forward to the snow but not the digging out. And we've been trying to buy a snow shovel with no luck. I know I'm going to regret that tomorrow.

Got a call from my doctor and my electrolytes are fine. I will continue on the water pill I'm on for now. My thyroid is still way out of kilter so that medication is being increased. I'll have to stop by the phramacy tomorrow to pick that up ... if we can get there! Living in the country can make travel in snowstorms dangerous and sometimes downright impossible. I promise to be careful.

My pedometer is nearing the magic challenge number so that's a good thing. I can't believe that I am actually taking the long way around the car or to get somewhere. I still don't stand still very well but the pedometer challenge is getting me moving more and that's the whole idea behind it.

Lastly, my NS friend Michelle made my day this morning. Finally was able to read her blog and found she has created a dog treat (she owns a specialty dog shop in AZ) and named it after my Fancy Pants! Fancy is definitely honored. Thanks, sweetie. One day we'll have to drive out and let her give them a try just so she can give her official endorsement. ;-)

Back on Track

Gosh, what a difference a day makes. I am glad I figured out that I was consuming too many calories. Now I can take care of that little issue and have gotten back on track today. I was going to shoot for 1500 calories but think I'll go for 1800 per day for the rest of the week and see what happens. I don't want to do too drastic a cut. If all goes well, I can either stay with 1800 for another week or cut back to 1500. I want to play with it a little and see where it goes.

Today has been a busy day for us. Tim had a doctor appointment this morning. Went to that and expressed concerns about chest pain Tim is still having. The doctor does not think it's Tim's heart as he had a quite extensive cardiac work-up in August that showed nothing other than cardiomyopathy for which there is little treatment other that what is already being done.

Tim explained his tremors are getting worse. They really are and some days they are so bad he can barely use his hands, even to feed himself. The doctor referred him to a neurologist (Tim has been to before but we'll start that all up again) and we'll see where that takes us.

The last concern Tim had was a feeling of having concrete on his feet. The doctor told him this is mainly due to the extensive neuropathy in his feet and legs. He goes for a Doppler study on them on Thursday, though, to check to be sure there is adequate blood flow through his veins to his feet and legs.

The doctor felt Tim is progressing well with control of his blood glucose levels. His blood pressure was also very good. He goes back in February for another follow-up. He also filled out paperwork so that we can get a handicapped parking tag for the car. Tim gets very short of breath when he has to walk far and he won't let me drop him at the door. He says if I'm going to walk, then so will he. Have I mentioned how stubborn Tim can be?

We left there and went to the bank. After that it was back to the car dealership to drop off more paperwork. I can't believe they still don't have this all completed. ::sigh:: Lunch out was next on the list. We went to a fast food Italian restaurant called Fazoli's. I had the child size portion of ravioli (which is four squares) with meat sauce (300 calories), 1/2 cup of steamed broccoli with 2 tbsp parmesan (protein serving), and one bread stick (extra carb because I was weak). I went to their online site to get nutrition info and entered it into my fitday.com account. Now the info is available at my fingertips if I have that again. This puts me in a good caloric range with enough calories left for dinner. I've been pretty pleased with myself.

Next stop was an insurance meeting to figure out how the new Medicare Part D prescription drug plan is going to affect Tim and our finances. Got some info that will actually save us the premium payment so we'll check into that more tomorrow.

Quick trip to the DMV to drop off paperwork for the handicapped placard. They don't have them there but faxed the info to the state and advised the placard will come via mail to our home in about 7-10 days. Cool!

It's been a very good day. I feel that I am back in control of what goes into my mouth. At least I'm much more aware of it. Stepwise, I'm doing pretty well also. This is going to all add up to a lower number on the scale Sunday. I just know it!

Doctor Appointment Today

I think after just one day of analyzing my caloric intake, I've stumbled upon the cause for my not shedding pounds the last few weeks. If today is any indication as to how I've been eating, it's a sheer miracle that I haven't been gaining weight! I've been eating way too many calories every day. I have to nip that right now!

Had a doctor appointment today that went pretty well. He noticed my chart showed a loss of pounds since my last visit. He said, "I see you lost a few pounds. Keep that up." I honestly wanted to just kick him really hard! Of course, he has no way of confirming that I've lost 100 pounds over the course of the last ten months; only my word. And he doesn't have a scale that will weigh me. I have to get down to 350 before that's going to happen. Maybe by mid-summer I'll be there.

Anyway, we discussed my depression and he offered to put me on medication. I'm not thrilled about that. He also said it could be because my thyroid is still way out of whack. Well damn it, whack it back into where it needs to be, already! He did have the nurse draw blood for a TSH (thyroid function test). Also doing a BMP (basic metabolic panel). Asked the nurse and she said something about checking my electrolytes. Huh? What are they looking for? It was the first I heard anything about electrolytes being off. So I check back in about two weeks and see if there's an adjustment in meds to be done.

I was in an exceptionally good mood today. I don't know why but I just felt good! Tim even commented on it. And I was moving pretty well; up and down a lot while Ceci was here. That little gal will make sure that I get my steps in every day for the NS100 pedometer challenge for sure!

I think setting the goals I set yesterday is going to pay off for me. I did get all my water in today. I have almost all the steps needed to meet my pedometer goal. Now just rein in the calories and get moving a bit more and I'll be okay. Hopefully, there will be a pay-off on the scale this week.

Wrapping Up Week 44

Still no change on the scale this morning. Those darn red numbers are there just mocking me ... 429.0 ... ARGH!Back to the drawing board I go. I will go back to counting the calories of everything that I put into my mouth, not just eating using the "NS exchanges". Perhaps I'm eating some things in the food groups that are higher in calories. Or ... since I haven't been diligent, I'm not getting enough calories. Either way, a few days of tracking should give me the answer I need to once again adjust things and get back to shedding the pounds I really do want gone once and for all!

NS100 Pedometer Challenge Update for this past week ...
Sunday 1780
Monday 2150
Tuesday 3526
Wednesday 2119
Thursday 2138
Friday 2424
Saturday 1658

Total steps logged by the pedometer 15,795
Total miles logged
4.46Average daily steps
2256Average daily miles .64

My goal of increasing steps 10% from last week was to target 2083-2085 steps per day. (Thanks Valerie and Paul!) Mission accomplished. Woo hoo!

New goal to meet for the coming week is ... 2481 ... if I did the math right. Yoooo hoooo ... Paul and Valerie, did I do the math right. I want a 10% increase over last week's steps.

Following Paul's example in his blog I'm going to set myself some goals for this week. I want the scale to move downward again and continue going down. I can accomplish this. I've come too far to go back and am looking forward. Some imagery of myself another 30 pounds lighter may also help though I've really got no reference point at this time. I only remember weighing what I did all through high school, college, and early in my marriage ... 232 pounds. I will get back there and then go lower. I WILL!

Goals for week 45 are:
1) Drink a minimum of 12 glasses of water per day. Aim for 16 but the absolute minimum will be 12.

2) Only put NS allowed foods into my mouth. No potatoes in any form. No bread unless whole grain and low calorie. NO candies, even sugar-free (though I've always counted the calories and made sure I stayed under 100 for my dessert/snack when I had something.)

3) Count the calories using my account at fitday.com and shoot for a target of 1500 daily this week.

4) Get at least 2481 steps per day on my pedometer.

5) Move to an exercise video or dance myself silly for at least 30 minutes every day.

I know if I regain my focus, I can get back to the shedding of pounds. Since hitting the 100 pounds gone mark, somehow I allowed myself to lose my focus and lose my momentum. Part of the problem is wanting to be where I want to be and knowing it's going to take at least two more years to get close. I'm not trying to minimize anyone else's efforts but do you realize I'll have lost the weight of two adults by the time I get to where I dream of being? I will have lost the weight of my youngest daughter (only 25 more pounds to go to get there) and then the weight of my husband. How in the hell did I get to this point? What was I thinking? I'm not crying over the spilt milk here but this is a huge and daunting task I've set for myself. I'm up to the challenge but I let the sheer size of it sometimes overwhelm me. That's where I've been this last few weeks. I managed to shed seven pounds in November. All of them were the first couple weeks. Now it's time to get things stepped up and get moving once again.

I'm not looking back. I'm looking forward. I'm digging deep and coming up with a small fire of determination and will. I know in my heart I can do this. Looking to the positive and letting the negative fall to the wayside. Onward I am going to go because that's the only way to go. I WILL be reporting a loss next Sunday!

Freezing Rain

The weather here in Illinois has just turned downright nasty! On top of the snow we got earlier this week, we now have freezing rain falling. On the way home from the restaurant our daughter works, we saw a car upside down in the ditch and another nose down in the ditch. It looked quite bad and the fire department, ambulances, and police were on the scene. The amazing thing is people were just flying around me just prior to coming upon this accident. What do people think when it's freezing rain? I hope no one was hurt.

So I called my daughter at work. She said they closed early (hour and a half) and they'll be on their way home shortly. She is leaving her car at work tonight and riding with her boyfriend. I can breathe a little sigh of relief. She has no experience driving in anything other than rain. I know she's going to have to learn eventually, but I'd rather it not be right now. My baby is growing up. She'll be eighteen in a couple weeks. Where did the time go?

Still struggling with getting the scale to move downward. It started and has now seemed to stall again. I'll find out officially in the morning. I know it's my own fault. I haven't been as diligent with myself as I should be. I've started walking more, thanks to the NS100 group pedometer challenge, but need to be moving even more. I'm working on it but things have just been a lot to deal with lately.

Had the baby today, again. That little gal is a sweetheart. She is also fast! I am finding myself getting down in the floor more and more. A year ago I could not do that so I'm thankful. She really enjoys just crawling around and playing hide and seek around corners. We had a good time today.

I'll be checking in early tomorrow, I hope, to report my week. I don't expect the scale to have moved but I'll do a review of my pedometer and set up the goal for the coming week. There are only a few weeks left in December. I need to get back on top of everything and get a serious start on the next 100 pounds because I intend to end 2006 another 100 pounds lighter! I can do this!

Where did November go?

It has turned off downright cold here in Illinois. Last night with the wind chill, it felt like single digit temperatures. Brrrrr! I don't do well with the cold. It makes my knees ache and I get what I call the 'heebie-jeebies' in my lower legs. The doctors call it 'restless leg syndrome'. Whatever ... it is very bothersome and sometimes downright painful. I feel like bugs are crawling all over and the muscles jump. It's pretty darn bad tonight!

Had the baby all day today. She's cute but my goodness she is a handful! She was into anything and everything. She would go toward something and when told "no-no" she would stop, grin, and continue on. A lot of up and down today and even a few extra steps on my pedometer! Guess having her today was good for something.

Where did the month of November go? Gosh the year seems to be moving along at a good clip. I'm definitely not ready for Christmas. And then my birthday and the new year! I still can't believe I've shed 100 pounds this year. Here's hoping I get rid of 100 more in 2006.

Starting to think of resolutions for the new year. I don't really believe in making resolutions, but do want to come up with some realistic goals for myself. I mentioned I joined the pedometer challenge with the NS100 group this past week. Target steps per day are 2083-2085. I'm proud to say I've hit that every day since making the committment! I'll report the numbers in my Sunday blog post, but I'm happy to be participating and encouraged that I am making progress.

Enjoy the weekend!