Checking In

The cookies I mentioned in my last post were so horrible that we couldn't eat them. They went into the trash. I don't know what happened. I used the same recipe I have in the past. I'll try again another day. Guess I wasn't meant to have cookies that day. LOL

Got a call from my doctor. The test results for the menopause stuff was negative. No signs that menopause is setting in. Darn! That means something else is going on. Seems to be the way things go for me lately. (That's a whine and I'm going to try to keep that to a minimum this post.) It isn't something she was worried about though, as she didn't ask me to make an appointment sooner than the one set for January. I was also advised that my thyroid is once again "sluggish" so she increased my thyroid medication. Re-check in about six weeks to keep on top of that. Always something ...

The holidays are fast approaching. Tim and I managed to go shopping for the grandbabies yesterday. Found some great bargains on clothes for them at Target. Managed to get the two infants about seven outfits. The older granddaughter got two but she got some toys that were a little more. All in all, we probably spent the same amount on each of them.

We're going down to my sister's on Christmas day. I have to work Christmas Eve, the overnight shift, and will come home and sleep for about three hours before heading out. We'll spend the evening with my sister and her family and then see Crys and her two girls the next day. I'll also visit with my older sister the day after Christmas. We'll probably stay down there til Friday morning (my birthday) as I have to be back at work that night. No concrete plans on how long we'll stay. Just know I may be out of touch next week for a bit longer than normal.

On the diet front, still bouncing up and down 399-407. Eating hasn't been the best as I've had to do more eating to survive than eating right. I know you'd think they were one and the same thing, but they aren't. Sometimes I end up eating more carbs as they are filling and cheaper than the healthy stuff. I'm aware of it and working on it, though.

Hope each of you has a blessed Christmas. I know I've certainly had my share of blessing this season. I'm thankful for all I have. Take care!

Been Kind of Quiet

I've been a little quiet lately. I just haven't had much to say. This time of year I'm either way up or way down and lately it's been the latter. Too far from my girls and the grandbabies. I miss my mom. I miss my mother-in-law. Both are deceased. Money is way too tight and things don't seem to be ever getting better in that area. A girl can only work so many hours and the hubby can't work at all. Bless his heart, he tried to get a part-time job in a store as a greeter or something but no go. We will manage,it just gets so old trying to make it from one check to the next. So I've gone into silent mode.

Had a doctor appointment a couple days ago. Still up in weight (back over the 400 mark) but not as high as I had been during the month. I still wonder if some of it might not be missing one period and well on my way to missing another. (I apologize to any men who may still be reading here. LOL) The doctor has bloodwork drawn to check my thyroid again and also to do two menopause tests. I've not heard back from her but I don't think she was in the office yesterday. So we'll see where that goes. She asked if I have hot flashes or night sweats. Do I? Good lord, I've been having those for years! I also have horrible mood swings from times and can spend an entire day crying for no apparent reason.

She also gave me a stern talking to so I'll be having the dreaded 'pap' at my next appointment. I guess I'll also submit to a mammogram. I've not had either for about ten years and given the family history (mom had uterine cancer and died of cancer but not that one, and sister lost a breast to breast cancer) I know I should stay on top of those issues. I have my reasons and discussed them with my doctor. She was able to convince me to have the dreaded tests, so that's that!

On the exercise front, I get up every day determined to either go to the fitness center or to walk with Leslie. Every day, I also manage to talk myself out of it. I don't know how people motivate themselves to do it on a daily basis. I'm working on it and realize part of it may just be the overall funk I find myself in lately.

Work related note, I may be moving to day shift this next week. It's something I've been wanting and waiting for since back in July. I won't believe it until it happens but that's supposedly the plan. I'm hoping that will get me going in the weight loss department again. I will be forced to be more active all day at work (instead of sitting on my butt all night long in front of my laptop playing games). I will be up and out of the house early. I will be able to eat meals at more regular mealtimes. I'll also be able to eat dinner at home, if I can convince Tim of it. I know in the long run that would also save us money but I feel guilty making him stay in. Eating out is the only time during the day he will be able to get out of this place and that's going to really suck for him! I'm worried about him laying in bed all day until time for me to get home and then jumping up and getting dressed. It sucks being so far from family that no one can check in on him for me.

Enough of my whining attitude. I'm going to go back some cookies (sugar-free and fat friendly) and see if that helps my mood any. I promise I won't eat more than a couple a day. I'm really not all that fond of sweets. It's the real food, the meat and potatoes foods, that I am sometimes unable to control myself with.

Walking for exercise

I went to the fitness center this afternoon and there was a buff fit young man (well he was young compared to me in his mid 20s to early 30s) and I just couldn't make myself go in. Had it been a female, I KNOW I would have bit the bullet and went on in. I just couldn't do it with him there. So, my dear hubby made me go to the mall and walk the upper level. UGH!

I doubt I've ever mentioned it but I HATE the mall. I hate the crowds. I hate all the stupid staring kids. I hate all the dumb arse teenagers who run around and think nothing of taking up every place there is to sit and rest and refuse to give it up to an older fat lady. And to go to the mall on a Friday evening, well ... I forgot it was Friday or it NEVER would have happened.

I hated EVERY second we were there. I had to sit down three times to make it through, but I did it. No browsing, just look straight ahead and keep walking. Sweat, push through the throbbing in my front upper thighs, my stiff calves, the jarring in my ankles. Push through, focus on getting through this corridor and move on. I did it, as I knew I would. I mean, you start in one place and HAVE to end up back there in order to get back to your car! No choice. I did it and that's my exercise for today.

Tomorrow, I'll be putting Leslie in and walking my 19 minute mile, or as much of it as I can do. It will be the first time I've done it since surgery last year so it will be interesting to see how much I can do standing up instead of sitting down. Then, I will make another stab at going to the fitness center. I will push myself to go every day and one day I won't care who is there and will just do what I need to do. For now, I'm just not that brave!

Jen, I tried the map thing and found it interesting. Had to go read the instructions and had a good time playing with it. Seems walking at the mall I walked about a quarter of a mile and burned 125 calories based upon my weight. I'm thinking I'd be better off wearing my pedometer next time for a more accurate measure. I just forget I have the darn thing. I'll try to get back to putting it in my pocket like I used to for more accurate measure.

And more exercise today ...

I did not go to the fitness center today. Instead, Tim and I shopped til I dropped, literally. Well, we started out doing laundry which we take out to do. After that, we went to two Walmart stores in search of a Christmas tree Tim HAD to have. This entailed walking the entire length of both stores (super stores at that) twice. Then we headed on to Meijer which is another superstore. Had a couple things to pick up there and wandered around a bit. After that we hit the local dollar store. Got a journal for me to do prayer journaling as well as some other stuff. By then I was pretty hungry. We went to Bakers Square where I had a quiche and fresh fruit. They offered french fries with the meal, but let me sub the fresh fruit. I added a bowl of cream of potato soup which also included a 'taster slice' of any pie. Tim and I split that itty bitty piece of candy cane pie and it was yummy! Then we headed on to Target. My knees were screaming (as are my shoulders, back, neck, arms, and my thighs) so there was no way I was gonna make it. I ended up riding around Target on a scooter. I still feel like I had a victory, though. I did a LOT of walking and Tim was so proud of me. I'm happy I was able to keep up with him for as long as I could.

It has now started to snow. We're supposed to get another 2-5 inches. We'll see. I guess I'll be shoveling again tomorrow morning. AND I'm going back to the fitness center tomorrow to do seven minutes on the treadmill, two minutes on the elliptical, and attempt to climb aboard the bike for a few minutes as well. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it.

Took some ibuprofen for all my aches and pains and will just veg in front of the tv for the rest of the night.

What an experience!

UMPH!

That's the sound of me as I shoveled snow this morning. First, I spent about ten minutes shoveling off the walk at work. Then when it was time for me to come home, I had to clear off my car and then dig it out from the darned snowplows that kept pushing the snow in front of my car through the night. I was pretty darned aggravated about it, let me tell you. I was muttering some not very ladylike things as I spent thirty minutes shoveling!

I got home and told Tim I had already had my exercise for the day and wouldn't need to go to the fitness center. He wasn't having it. He said I have to do ten minutes on the elliptical.

Okay, so Tim and I go over to the fitness center and it was pretty much my worst nightmare come true. There was a twenty-something twig running on one of the treadmills. I was hoping she was near the end of her regimen and sat down on a weight bench to wait. I did not want to embarrass myself in front of her. I know I should just get over it, but it's really hard for me.

Ten minutes go by and she finishes running. She then gets down on the floor and proceeds to do crunches. Meanwhile, Tim has climbed onto the bike and is riding away. I sit.

She gets up and heads toward the stairmaster. Tim has finished riding by now and has sat down beside me. She says hello and I make a comment about not knowing how to use things and not wanting to look stupid as it's my first time there. She said it's her first time there too. I said I was afraid to work out next to a thin young thing and she indicated she doesn't think she's thin. Mind you, this girl was about 5 ft 7 and maybe weighed 120 lbs. Yeah, right!

So I decide I may as well walk on the treadmill as she seems to not be leaving anytime soon. I get on and push start. Nothing really happens. I start to walk, well, I tried. Why is it so hard to walk on a treadmill that whirs and makes you think that walking on it will be easy?

I managed to last about six minutes on there. According to the treadmill I was walking at a rate of about 0.5 miles per hour. In the six minutes I was on there, I walked (if that's what you want to call it) 0.05 mi. PATHETIC! And my arms were hurting more than my legs when I gave up. I felt like I was walking tipped forward and pulling with my arms. I know I had to be doing it all wrong and all I could think of was lil miss twiggy running merrily along. Dang!

I get off and go sit back down on the bench. I do a few stretches and peer at the girl. She has moved from the stairstepper to the elliptical and is happily striding away. I bet that darn contraption never once told her to "stride faster". Darn machine anyways!

She finishes and moves on to the weight machine. At this point, I step onto the elliptical. I managed to eeek out about a minute at 75 strides per minute according to the monitor. It said I burned a whopping six calories. Uh huh! WHATEVER!!! By now, I'm feeling totally frustrated and whipped.

I climb off and decide to stretch a bit more to cool down. The sweat is pouring off me. Twiggy is happy back to doing crunches without a drop of sweat. Dang!

Tim and I head home and all I can think is what a total failure the trip was. I know there are some who will say it wasn't a failed trip, but that's not how I feel. I know that I did six minutes of exercise, if you can call it that. Big freaking deal! I probably burned off more calories shoveling snow before leaving work than I did in that fitness center. Maybe I should just go back to Richard Simmons and walking with Leslie Sansone. At least I used to feel good about my progress with those darn dvd programs. I dunno. I'll probably give it another shot. We'll see.

So ... that's my experience with exercise. You know the line from the movie "A Few Good Men" where Jack Nicholson says to Tom Cruise "You want the truth?" and Tom responds "Yes"? Jack replies to him, "You can't handle the truth!" That's pretty much how I felt. I wanted to know if I could handle a workout in a gym and now I know the truth and I can't handle it.

Tomorrow will be another day.

On another note, I am back down to 396 which means I managed somehow to lose 11 pounds in the last week. Yea me!