New Territory

I have finally managed to get into new territory in the weight loss. I had been stuck at 265-270 since last July. This past week I managed to go from 269 down to my current weight as of today 263.8! Woo hoo for me!

I've been really increasing the protein and it seems to be paying off. I'm also staying on the high end of the calorie range and making better food choices. The exercise is still my three days a week classes and I'm trying to get myself to commit to walking and using the fitness center here at my apartment complex regularly but cannot seem to get it done. I seem to come home from work, sit down, and just veg. I suppose I could get a work out in before work as I'm certainly up early enough most days, however, that is my "me" time and it's quiet in the house and I just want to spend quiet time by myself. Not sure I'm ready to give that up. *sigh*

So ... I hope to continue the downward trend that has begun. I would love to be sitting at 230 when I go to see my surgeon in October for my two year follow-up appointment. I have made that my goal weight for now. Not sure it can happen as that is about 35 lbs in four months which at this point post op isn't very realistic. I am going to keep it as my short term goal knowing this but if I don't make it, I will not consider it failure. I need to commit to doing what it takes and having a goal, even such as this, helps to keep me on track.

Exercise is Good

Water aerobics on Wednesday was intense. We did steps in the water. I didn't think it was all that different but I am here to tell you that while it didn't seem all that rough, I have sore muscles that scream otherwise. Hope we start to step more regularly in the water. I enjoyed it and know that the soreness is good.

The weather here in Chicagoland has been beautiful this past week. I started walking with the girls at work about a mile every day, at least. On Thursday, I got out the bikes and we went for a bike ride. Now mind you, I had not been a bicycle in at least 25 years! I was wobbly but it is true: You never forget how to ride a bike once you've learned.

One of the girls and I set off. I started out on a girl's bicycle but my knees started to ache early on. I exchanged bikes with the girl because the one she was on was a bigger bike but it was also a boy's bike. No more knee pain. Cool! Then we were riding uphill and she called for me to stop. I did and put my feet down only to realize even not sitting on the seat I could barely reach the ground with my tippy toes. I leaned to the left to swing my leg off the bike and the bike slid. I fell on top of the bike and then down onto my elbow and knees. OUCH! I ended up with some small puncture wounds in the heel of one hand, road rash on my arm near my left elbow, and road rash with puncture wounds on my left knee. I sat there on the ground stunned for a couple minutes. The girl was mortified and came to see if I wanted help up. I managed to get up with a little bit of dignity. We walked (I more likely hobbled) back toward the home. Almost there and I decided to get back on and ride again. Made it back without incident but once again, fell getting off the bike. The girls tease me that before I can ride again I need knee pads, elbow pads, gloves, and a helmet. In spite of the falls, I had so much FUN! I want a bike to ride at home. Just need to make sure that I buy one that is the right size for me. I'm okay. Sore and scabbed over, but okay. I survived my first bike ride in over 25 years and it felt FANTASTIC!!!

I am loving that I do things now that I haven't been able to do for so long. I want to rollerskate again. I used to love rollerskating. Last time I went, I spent most of the night on my butt on the floor because my center of gravity was so off from all the weight. I had a hard enough time getting off the floor in the first place. Add the rollerskates and it was next to impossible to get up. I so want to try but am afraid. Maybe I'll do it in the gym at work, late at night when no one is there to witness the fall should it happen. I think that will be my next exercise challenge. Just got to work up the courage ...

Yea

I did find a new therapist/psychologist. He has over 35 years experience treating people with addictions and addictive behaviors including food addiction. He knows that I had gastric bypass surgery and have obsessive behavior when it comes to food. I am pretty excited to have found him and my first appointment is on Monday late afternoon.

Weight continues to remain steady for now. I know that in good time I can get off another 30 lbs. I just have to focus. This change in therapists gives me hope once again that I will be the success I know I can be!

18 Months Post Op

I cannot believe it's really been that long since I had my gastric bypass. I really need to post new photos as I haven't taken any or posted new ones since July of last year. I think I need them to get myself motivated and going once again.

Saw my surgeon and on his scale my weight was up 5 lbs since July. He was not amused; neither am I! I have honestly been having a LOT of issues with food. I have been stress eating and that means eating whatever I can get my hands on. Unfortunately, at work that means things like chips, cookies, chocolate (I don't even like chocolate, really), etc. I tried sticking gum in my mouth, it just makes me want to eat more. I am eating all day long and it has to stop. I need better coping skills, especially at work. This is why I need a need a new therapist. The one I have now is not addressing any of the food issues and that's why I started going to therapy in the first place. The nurse gave me a card for a doctor that they send people to for psych clearance prior to surgery. I will call today to find out if my insurance will pay for him. If so, I'm going to switch and see where it leads. This doctor is experienced in treating people pre and post op for bariatric issues.

As for the lump in my leg, the surgeon was surprised by the ortho doctor's assessment. He still totally disagrees and says it is a cyst that needs to be traced to the joint but he is not going to fight the ortho doc on it. He said there is no reason that it HAS to come out. I can watch it. If it seems to be getting larger, becames tender or painful, or there is any issue with it, I will let him know and he will go back in and remove it again. No guarantees that it will not continue to come back so ... I am opting to leave it in right now. It is not affecting my quality of life. He feels there is no danger of it becoming cancerous. It does not hurt and is barely noticeable most of the time. I'm okay with leaving it alone for now.

As for the tummy surgery, he suggested I sock away $500 a month to pay for it next year. His fee is $3500 and the hospital would be about $300 he claims. Yeah, right! He may have that kind of extra money, being a doctor and all, but I certainly don't. I'm going to have to try to get my PCP to help me prove it is medically necessary. That's the only way insurance will pick it up. I think this will be a hard battle to win. I don't have rashes, at least not any that are that bad. I do have back pain and the inability to stand up straight because of the stomach weight causing me to lean forward. It flops around and is really annoying, especially when I'm exercising and really irritating in my water aerobics class. Seriously, I need Dr. Phil, Oprah, or even Maury to become my best friend and pay for the surgery! Guess I'd better start looking for a really good girdle and learn how to roll and tuck. *sigh*

Went to my exercise class last night. It was good. My muscles ache a little bit. I like that. It means I worked hard. Water aerobics tonight. It's raining outside so no walk outside tonight. I'm not committed enough to walk in the rain. One day maybe I will buy rain gear so I can and will but not today. I am going to start walking as soon as I get home from work every night. The rain and gloom pretty much matches my mood right now.

That's about it for me. I try to focus on how far I've come and tell myself I will get where I am going. Like all things I want, I want it now! I have done well. I need to re-focus and get my head back where it belongs. My surgeon told me he knows I will be a complete success story keeping the weight off because one day I will be ticked at myself and just get it done! He's pretty much right on the money. That's how I started this whole process. I'm getting close to being there once again and maybe anger at myself is what I need to push me forward. No looking back. Get through each day without eating all day and eating the things I don't need and I'll be okay.

God bless you all. I read and post at Sparkpeople.com and it helps me to stay encouraged and does motivate me. Without all my friends, I would be hard pressed to keep going.

February 2010 Update

Sorry I have not posted in a while. I guess I haven't had much to say.

I am still going up and down on the blasted scale. I have been doing this since July. It's frustrating. Talk at my support group meeting last night about this issue by many and the consensus is that now, 18 months post op, it is more a mind game than anything. I have to make a more conscious effort to stay away from the old habits of eating to comfort myself and eating the things that piled on the pounds in the first place. Healthy foods, like fresh fruit (which I love) is just so expensive. Then again, I can get my beloved raspberries or a box of 100 calorie snacks for the same price. Hmmmm ... but the snacks last days. I eat all the raspberries in one sitting. LOL It IS about choices, no?

I am staying within calorie range. I am burning calories daily so that I end up the day actually eating about 1000 net calories. I feel like I'm doing this all wrong now. I will talk with the nutritionist about this next month when I go for my 18 month post op visit with my surgeon. I sometimes wonder if I am not taking in enough calories. Then again, maybe I eat too many carbs. It doesn't seem like I am but ... something isn't working for me. I hope the NUT can get to the bottom of it. I would really like to lose another 40 lbs before my body decides is it done. OR has it already already done that seeing as how I have not lost anything really in six months? I dunno.

I am seriously considering doing this 'walk to run' program that runs for ten weeks starting in April. It meets on Saturday mornings. The first week you walk four mins and run for two (or as much of the two as you can). You build on that as you go, and by the end of ten weeks, you are supposed to be able to run for thirty mins. I dunno. Maybe I'd like running if I am not on a treadmill. I absoluetly HATE running on the treadmill. I'm always afraid I'll trip and fall. Is it worth a shot? What do you think? I still don't think I'll be able to do it. I am my own worst enemy.

So that is what is going on with me right now. Examining a lot of issues and learning I kind of sort of like the person I am becoming. I am also learning that I have to take care of me and everyone else is on their own.

Five Years Later

I started my initial weight loss journey five years ago this month. I decided that being super morbidly obese was no longer acceptable. I made the decision that carrying around 530 lbs. was no longer for me. I was tired of being tired. I was over having to ask someone to put my socks and shoes on my feet and to then tie my shoes. I was sick of having to sit down to shower, cook, and do dishes. I was ashamed of having to send my family in to do the shopping because I could no longer make it through even the smallest of grocery stores. I was done.

I am proud to say four years later I am now down to 271 pounds as of this morning. That is a total of 259 lbs gone that I know I am not going to gain back. It's been a slow process. I lost over 100 lbs and maintained that for two years. Then I lost the other 150 lbs. I've maintained that loss for six months now. I am ready to lose another 40 lbs to be near where I want to be before skin removal surgery of just my stomach. I'd like to be there by March but that seems unrealistic to me now.

Yes, I had a gastric bypass surgery to get the last 150 lbs off but it has still been work. I still have to count calories, track protein, watch my carbs, and move my body. It has been about more than just losing the pounds. I have had to change my lifestyle and it has not been an easy process. I do know that I am doing it every day and I will continue to do so. I am not going to regain the pounds I have shed and I will make it to where I am comfortable being. Not a number set by a doctor, health insurance company, surgeon, or someone else, but a weight and size I am comfortable being. My body fat is decreasing though the scales are not moving much. I am not discouraged. That is what needs to happen at some point. I want the fat to change to muscle. It's all good.

I am back at water aerobics class two nights week. I go to cardio circuit training one night a week for an hour. I also do aerobics and strength training for an hour that same night. On nights I have no scheduled fitness classes, I am going to the fitness center at my apartment complex. I am walking on the treadmill, doing a weight workout, and using the elliptical. I have a fitness ball and bands at home I use. I am considering getting myself some hand weights (eight pounds because the five pounds at the fitness center really aren't challenging me anymore and I'm not ready to move up to ten). It's all coming together.

Just wanted to do a little update. I didn't realize it had been so long since last I posted here. Take care and happy new year to all. God bless and may you find joy, peace, happiness, and prosperity in this new year!