I Only Control Me

I had a major disappointment today. I feel like someone who promised to never lie to me again turned around and lied by hiding something from me. It isn't that words even came out of his mouth. It was his actions that disappointed me. I honestly try to not have unrealistic expectations. But there are times that I just feel so damn betrayed and today is one of those days. I want to believe in this person. I want to trust them. But I can only control me and how I respond to things that happen around me. I let him know I was disappointed and why. I'd almost rather be angry because anger doesn't hurt; at least it doesn't hurt me. Disappointment makes my heart hurt. So, I shared how I felt and why. He acknowledged my feelings. I let him know I'm not mad and still love him. Now I have to let it go and move forward. We will see what tomorrow brings.

I am missing Tim so much right now. I think my anxiety is under better control. I'm having less crying spells. Maybe one day they will be behind me. As for your response to my last blog, Janet, I am on medication for depression, anxiety, and to help me sleep. I tried to start counseling but with me moving in a couple weeks, I did not see the point in starting and having to start again. As soon as we are moved, within the first week there, I plan to find a psychiatrist to continue my meds and a therapist to talk to. I know I cannot get through this on my own. I am also going to look for another Grief Share group to join. Hopefully some of the people will be more my age. Until then, I will continue to work in the workbook they gave me. There is some good stuff in there!