Oh my ... Thank YOU!

As I read through everyone's comments last night I was in awe and wonder at the love I felt. Thanks to each of you for commenting. I know I read many blogs and never leave a comment and I wasn't asking for them, but I do treasure them. As Jamie said in my comments, this seems to be a very emotional time for me right now. I know the day I posted about not posting regarding surgery was one of my darkest days yet.

I do have people I talk to. Tim (the hubby) has been as supportive as ever. He is my rock and without him I honestly don't know what I'd do. As always, he supports me 150% on this and that means the world to him. He goes with me to all appointments and he knows the risks as well as how much this will change not only my life, but his as well. After all, I cook all the food. I take him out to eat. I doubt he's going to want to eat the things I am finding I will be eating, especially for the first 8-12 weeks post surgery if I do this.

And I do believe I'm going to do it if I can get insurance approval. I met with the surgeon and a dietician who works with bariatric surgery patients already. I have had some of the necessary testing done by my doctor at a physical the end of January. The bloodwork is out of the way. I had a sleep apnea test last fall and they can use those results for that. I do have to have a gallbladder ultrasound and a psych evaluation. I'm waiting to hear from my insurance company if they will even cover bariatric surgery but the treatment center my surgeon is at believes it will, I will just have to jump through all the hoops. Lucky me! I still have to attend two support group meetings. I will go to one for lapband patients and one for gastric bypass patients. I may go to more than that but that is a requirement of the treatment center I'll be going to.

I was dead set against the bypass but have been reconsidering after talking to my surgeon. I realize I will never be skinny. I wouldn't want to be. As much as I love my younger sister (who has lost about 90 lbs and kept it off for a year now and was never as obese as I ... she weighs about 107 right now at the age of 43) I would not want to be as thin as she is, ever. She doesn't look healthy. She lost her weight on her own post cancer. She's just too bony for me.

Statistically, lapband patients lose 40-60% of their EXCESS weight over 2-3 years. Gastric bypass patients lose 60-80% over the course of 18 mos. to 2 years. At least those are the statistics I've read in more than one place. My surgeon and I did the numbers. MY goal is to be right around 200 lbs when I'm done. To get there, gastric bypass is my best option. I have not made the final decision. He said he would do the lapband surgery on me, but would recommend bypass due to where I would like to be.

I do know that surgery is a tool. I do know that it will drastically change my life and not just the number on the scale. There are the vitamins, the 'dumping', the eating habits, and of course EXERCISE. And let's not forget that bypass is irreversible and changes how my body functions forever. I know all of that. I also know that being thin will not solve any problems I have other than the inability to do the things I WANT to do right now. As I go through the testing phase and the gathering of info phase, I am gathering more and more knowledge. I will not make a decision based upon fear. I will learn and make an informed decision.

Thanks for being here. I will share this journey with you all. I am thankful to have you gals and guys along for the ride. Knowing I am not alone makes it a little less scarey.