Difficult Day

For whatever reason, today has been a very difficult day. I took the dog for his walk. I went to the Dollar Tree for a cookie sheet. See, I looked everywhere in the kitchen, EXCEPT the oven, for a pan to cook pizza rolls on. I could have just sent a text asking but figured I'd get out and explore Corinth a little bit. Traffic was crazy. WalMart was packed so I opted to go only to the dollar store. I stopped for gas and drove around downtown a little bit. Checked out all the eating establishments and came back. I'm allowing myself one meal out per day just because I can and I've been unable to eat out for months now. LOL

So I come back and have been watching/listening to Law & Order: Criminal Intent. I was fine, reading, Facebooking, playing games and it hit me, like it does, out of nowhere. I started to cry and before I knew it, I couldn't stop. It happens. A wave of sadness comes over me and I start to cry. After a few minutes, I started to text my daughter, Crys, and thankfully she was available to carry on a conversation. After a while I was able to stop crying and felt better. I'm still feeling sad, but it's manageable. I'll be glad to get home and refill the anxiety med. if this happens too frequently, I'll just go to a pharmacy here to get a refill. Not sure how out of state Medicaid will affect the cost. I pay $2 for scripts in Illinois. Seeing as how this is a narcotic I'm pretty sure if they don't take my insurance I can't afford it so that's why I'm waiting to see if I can make it until I go home Saturday next week.

It also helped that I got a phone call from a friend I had not talked to for a few days. He's like a son to me and calls every few days to check in. He was against me coming down here, and honestly had very valid reasons why, but I came anyway. The loneliness and lack of immediate support were two of his concerns. I assured him I'd be okay and I am. I'm going to have bad days. I have to get through them to get to the good days, to heal completely. I get that now.

So, I'm in my jammies, still watching the Criminal Intent marathon. Motown (the dog I'm keeping company) is once again curled up on the couch, sleeping. He pretty much ignored my crying fit. Probably scared him, poor baby. He only ate dinner again tonight, but he ate it all. Every time he goes out, he looks for mom's car. I keep telling him she's coming back. He's gonna be one happy dog Friday!