It's a Test

This trip is a little test for myself. I really want to get a place of my own. There are several problems with this. First, I don't really like to be by myself, at least not for long stretches of time. Second, working as a substitute means my income is not steady so it will be difficult to find someone who will rent to me. Third, I broke the lease when Tim died because I knew I could no longer afford to live there. They did not rent the apartment again until our lease was up so that means they continued to charge me rent even though I didn't live there. Had I known that, I should have stayed and let them evict me! ANYWAY ... This trip is a baby step to see how I manage being by myself. Don't get me wrong, I still have contact with my girls, my friends, etc. but I am having to rely on myself for entertainment. We'll see how it goes. On another side of the note, I do feel a little lonely. Motown has abandoned me and gone to bed. LOL I'm watching/listening to the tv, posting here, chatting with my cousin, and trying to read. I'm having a hard time focusing. I've had to cut back on my anxiety medicine because it was too early for a refill and I don't have enough to get me through until I get back home. It's a narcotic, so the pharmacist could not even give me a few to get me by. All of that means I'm only taking it once a day instead of twice until I return. I think I'm experiencing the results. Gotta suck it up and push through, though. I don't want to be on meds forever. So ... There is a beautiful full moon tonight. Made me think of Tim. That made me sad. He loved the moon. I never see the moon without thinking of him. I wish he was here right now. I know he watches over me but I wish he was here instead. Even sick, he "had me". I just miss him so much.