End of the week

Sorry I missed a couple days checking in. Time sure does manage to get away from me quite easily right now. I figure about the time I get into a routine, training will be over and I'll have to adjust it once again since I'll be working 2:30-10:30 PM. Thursday was a really hard day for me. I was embarrassed and humiliated and had no desire to log onto any computer. Here's what happened.

I showed up for training and was the only student. I knew that was going to happen so I sucked it up and figured I'd make the most of it. First part of the day was focusing on driving the 15-17 passenger vans. Now, in the past, this wasn't really a problem for me.

The van was in a lot that was a bit of a hike from the training building. I was rushing to keep up so the trainer (Norb) adjusted his stride so we could walk together. We made it to the van and I realize how big of a step it is to get up into that sucker. I have short legs and with my belly hanging down over half of them, well, they're even shorter! So I grab the "oh sh*t" handle (that's what we call that strap by the window at my house) and heave myself up and into the passenger seat. Whew! Next, I hold my breath and fasten the seat belt. Okay cool! I ride with Norb as he demonstrates what I'm supposed to do and we go back to the beginning.

I walk around the van and get myself up onto the little step, but try as I would, I could not get into the driver seat. I couldn't get my body turned in such a way that I could sit down. The seat was back all the way (Norb had done that for me) and the wheel was tilted upward as far as it would go. I was so embarrassed!

I step down and say "Let me try something a bit different" and try to get in with my legs in a different position. I couldn't even haul my ass back up into the van! Now I'm humiliated and fighting the tears. To cover up just how devastated I am I say to Norb, "Oops, sorry Karon but we can't keep you as an employee cuz you can't get into the van." Norb said, "Oh, it's not that important" and that was that. I trudged with my head down fighting tears all the way back to the administration room and up two flights of stairs.

Once there, I advise Dorothy (head of the staff ed dept) of the problem. She looks at me with wonder on her face and then says "There has to be a way to get you behind the wheel". I sat there, fighting tears, hoping she'd just let it go but it was not to be. She eventually asked me if she comes up with an alternative, will I go back and try it. What else could I say. I nod my head without enthusiasm hoping against hope she comes up with nothing. She's the kind of person who goes at something intending to get her way, though! She decides we should try my standing on something to get in and comes up with a plastic step stool. I couldn't refuse.

We head back, and poor Norb has to set the cones for the obstacle course once again that he had just put away. She carried the plastic step stool and wanted me to climb up it, turn on it, and slide into the van. It did work, but I felt like a damn fool. She comments, "Well, we'll tell the home they have to go buy you a stool like this one" and all the while I'm thinking uh huh. That's freaking great! I can't wait to say to Suzy Youth, "Would you mind grabbing my step stool and putting it into the van after I climb in?" Can you even imagine how humiliating that will be over and over and over? I'm beside myself over all of this.

The thing is, I really DON'T have to be able to drive the van. Someone else can always drive. This really upset me and set the tone for the rest of that training day. Thankfully, Norb and one of the other trainers joked with me later and said they didn't see the big deal either. I have to tell you, it still makes me tear up, just thinking about it.

Yesterday, I watched three hours of videos about Medication Logs and tracking, Hazardous Materials in the Home, and First Aid. I got a nice two hour break and then had a CPR class at the campus I'll be working at in the afternoon with some of the people I'll be working with. None of them were very friendly, but we'll see what happens. Evidentally, a lot of changes have been going on in the program and the organization lately. Sure hope it all smoothes out.

CPR was interesting. We each had our own 'dummy' and did the CPR standing up. It was nothing like it had been in years past. At the end, we did a community group test and of course everyone passed. It was interesting that the American Heart Association had changed some things so I guess it was a good refresher course for me.

Anyway ... last evening was spent driving home so we could do laundry and check on Mandi. Everything seems fine here. Mandi missed us and Fancy was so excited to see us she wet on the floor twice! Today is run errands, do laundry, and pack up so we can leave to drive back up tomorrow. *sigh* I'll be really glad that's no longer necessary.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend. We'll be heading back up early tomorrow so we can check out a few apartments before 6 PM. I can't wait until we can settle in and just get in on with living life.

I do have to report that I gained weight this last week. I'll try to do a quick log in tomorrow morning to fill in the gaps. I know it's water and fluid in my left thigh but it's still a gain. I'm bringing back extra pillows to prop my legs on in the evening and hoping that will help some this next week. I'll do my best to check in and post daily. I hope to get to everyone's blogs early in the week. We'll see what happens. Just know that I'm thinking of all of you and appreciate your continued support. I tried to post here earlier today and for some reason couldn't get into the dashboard. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!