Stupid Bandages

I'm making progress post surgery. I am still in very little pain. Matter of fact, I am only taking one pain pill per day and I'm quite happy with that. It is usually just before bed or right when I wake up in the morning. I imagine I'll be able to stop them altogether soon.

The incision seems to be healing well. The wrapping is a royal pain in the arse. We continue to have problems getting the wrap to stay where it needs to stay. It either rolls up from the bottom or slides down from the top. This is the one that's on my thigh. The one on the lower part of the incision, on my calf, isn't a problem. I thought about getting some control top panythose and cutting the legs off, using the tummy control part on my thigh. I don't know that it would work, but I may just give it whirl.

Other than that, things seem to be fine. I am really hoping the staples can come out on Wednesday and there will be no reason to continue wrapping. I'm also ready to get back to work. I'm off without pay and that's going to be a problem eventually. Still taking things one day at a time.

Change in Caregivers

My sister's daughter got sick yesterday and had to be taken to the emergency room. She had something happen where she had a stiff neck but when she went to sign her name on something, she couldn't raise her arm. Went to the ER and had a CT scan which showed nothing but some calcium deposits on her brain. They also did a spinal tap to rule out meningitis. I told my sister to go home. Her daughter needs mom a lot more than I need my sister right now.

My youngest daughter Mandi is coming to replace her. Could be an interesting situation. Mandi has a naturally squeamish tummy and now she's about two months pregnant. I'm betting looking at the incision will be her undoing every day! It's okay, though. She needs some TLC from mom right now.

As far as the healing process, my sister says it's looking really good. I've finally been able to look at the incision and though it's really red by my knees, the rest looks good. I'm in very little pain. It really only hurts very early in the morning so I take a pain pill then. I also take one before I go to bed. I'm sleeping pretty well and able to do most things with no problems.

I go back to see the surgeon on Wednesday. My sister thinks the staples will be removed then. The only area that we're not sure of is the bend of my knee. I guess I'll know more on Wednesday.

I'm going to do my best to get around to visit all the blogs of my friends in the next day or so. I know I've been remiss and hope you'll all forgive me.

Fantastic

Had a fantastic day today. Got up and took a nice long shower. My sister, Debbie, is here to help me change the dressings every day. She was so tender and careful not to hurt me. She did an excellent job wrapping things back up and then checked it and adjusted it throughout the day.

I slept great last night. I was able to get into and out of bed on my own. That was a very freeing experience. No longer do I have to wake Tim to help me get up and to the bathroom. I'm loving having the drain out and the tumor gone. At one point, I went to roll over and realized how easy I can do that now the tumor is gone. I almost shouted with joy! For a while it's going to be the most simple of things that make me happy.

Walking is much easier. I commented to the surgeon that I'm less winded and he said he wasn't surprised. He said I have some very large blood vessels going to that tumor and that is likely where a lot of my cardiac outpout was going. He tied them off and wondered if it would make much of a difference. I assured him it had.

Went grocery shopping today and made one chicken and one beef pot pie from scratch. Easy peasy and everyone loved them. I had some leftovers that were packaged and into the freezer for a night when I don't feel like cooking. It felt so good to be cooking and know it was healthy food I was eating.

On to more great days as I move toward total healing.

Post Surgery Visit

So I went to see my surgeon today for an almost one week follow-up. He was quite pleased with the way things are healing. He took out the drain and I am thrilled. This means I can sleep on my tummy tonight, sleep being the operative word here! I've not really slept since I got home from the hospital and the little bit I did get, was sitting up in a recliner with my foot propped on a footstool.

I can now shower, Halllelujah! My hair is so "bedhead" it isn't even funny. I washed it in the kitchen sink yesterday with the hubby's help, but today it's right back where it was before. The dressing on my staples must be changed daily. That scared me a bit. My older sister, who is a CNA is going to come up to stay with me a few more days to help with that. I'm relieved though I know she really didn't want to make the trip back up. Somehow, we'll make it through.

A few minutes ago the most exciting thing happened to me. I was able to cross my legs at the ankles. Now I know for many that isn't such a big wow but to me, it was AMAZING! I can't even begin to tell you how long ago it was that I could do that. No tumor in the way and it was GREAT! I can hardly wait for the next thing I realize I can do.

Have an appointment next Wednesday and will hopefully get the staples removed then. From there it should be smooth sailing. One thing I will say about the removal of the drain. That HURT! I mean it. It really hurt. That was the most pain I've had through this entire surgical procedure, praise the Lord. If that's the extent of the pain, then I'm one happy gal. My spirits are much improved and I'm rearing to go. Yeehaw!

Recovery

I'm home from the hospital. Surgery went well and took only 75 minutes to remove the tumor from my thigh. I've been blessed with very little pain. I'm able to get up and walk to the bathroom without much assistance. I did spend an extra night in the hospital because of the morphine making me really sick. I still feel pretty icky, truth be told.

I can't sit here much longer. The nausea is blurring my mind right now. The tumor itself weighed 20 pounds according to the surgeon. The scale showed a 25 pound loss from Thursday to yesterday afternoon. I'll be adjusting things here when I feel better. Just wanted to check in so everyone would know I'm doing okay.

Have an appt to follow up on Wednesday. The surgeon will remove the dressing and hopefully the drain then. I'm not sure when the staples will come out. More later.

Surgery Details

Tomorrow is the day. I have to be at the hospital at 11:45 AM and the surgery is scheduled for 1:15 PM. My friend Barb is going to pick us up at 10:00 and go to breakfast with Tim. I'm going along but won't be able to have anything, even water. I can eat up until midnight tonight. Drink water and 7-up until 7 AM but then nothing at all.

I'll check in as soon as I can. I know it won't be any earlier than Friday since I'm in hospital overnight Thursday. If I'm coherent and can sit at the computer Friday I'll post. If not, well ... I'll post when I can.

God bless everyone. I'm sure going to be glad to have this 'sidekick' gone!

Just four more sleeps

A dear friend of mine measures things in how many more sleeps there are between now and an event in her life. It kind of rubbed off on me. I now have only four more sleeps until the big day arrives. It's all getting to be kind of surreal now.

I'm not worried at all. It is a necessary surgery. I have the utmost confidence in the surgeon. I like the hospital and the staff there have always treated me with the utmost care and excellence. I'm more concerned about the recovery period but I refuse to worry about it. Yep, I'm gonna be in some pain. But this too shall pass, right?

My oldest sister is coming up to stay a few days (probably the weekend) with me so that I won't have to worry so much about Tim or about getting things done at home. I'm glad someone will be here. She wants to know I can walk unassisted and take care of whatever needs taking care of before she'll leave us to fend for ourselves. It's a big relief for me.

I go under the knife on Thursday. I was given the definite all clear by the cardiologist last week. He said I have no blockages and no problems with my heart so it won't be an issue during surgery. He did say no surgery comes without risks (which I realize) and should I have a massive blood loss all bets are off. He also is curious about how much this tumor weighs. I should have gotten me a bookie!

Anyway, life is good. Tim is starting to stress but I don't think he realizes it. He's been more depressed lately. I know it weighs heavily on his mind that something could go terribly wrong. I keep telling him that's not going to happen, but know I can't obliterate his fear.

I'll weigh the morning of the surgery and then the morning after I come home. I'm sure I'll be retaining some fluids as I'll have the wonderful IV going while I'm in surgery. I'm going to ask that the surgeon have the tumor weighed before it's whisked off to pathology. It's just something I need to know!

Groceries are being laid in and I'm already back on track. I had gained up to 407 but was recently back down to 403. I'll not make any adjustments until after the surgery. Check back on Friday or sometime next weekend for the dramatic weight loss results of the removal of this tumor. I can't say I'm going to miss it at all!

Starting Over

Okay, the time has come to get real with myself. As Dr. Phil says, "We can't fix what we don't acknowledge" and so here I am. I have gained back up to 407. Whether it's weight in the leg or not, it's weight showing on the scale. I have got to reverse this spiral and get back on track.

I started back eating the way I was before I went to work and we moved. I had a great breakfast and did okay at lunch. Dinner will be at work and I won't have much choice, but will do my best to eat healthy. I have to get back to this for me.

Got my kitchen set up and organized over my weekend. I can use the stove. Woo hoo! Did some grocery shopping yesterday and will do a major shop on Wednesday before surgery next Thursday. Planning is half the battle. Now to follow the plan and keep it going.

Thanks to all who've dropped by and been here for me. I know I'm not posting very regularly lately and there are many reasons for it. I do appreciate the comments and support.

The Stress Test

I went yesterday and had the stress test on my heart. Whoo boy! I never knew walking on a treadmill could be so hard and four minutes could seem like an hour. Four minutes at a very slow pace is all I had to walk but I felt like I'd ran a marathon when it was all over! Thankfully, it remained a flat surface with no inclines and no speed changes. I do think the pace was a little slow for me but they assured me it was what was needed. Then I had to wait for 45 minutes and have pictures taken of my heart. That went smoothly. Got a call from the cardiologist office a little later and was told my heart is fine (I already knew that) and I am cleared for surgery. I don't even have to go back for day two of the protocol. So ... looks like the 19th is going to be a go!

Surgery Postponed

Got news late yesterday afternoon that the surgery had been postponed. I was supposed to go for a nuclear stress test on my heart and wanted to get this surgery over first. Seems the anesthesiologist has other ideas so ... The test is a two day protocol. The first part I'm doing today and the second part on Monday. The surgery is now rescheduled for October 19th. Sorry for the confusion. I had no time to post before heading into work yesterday. I'm disappointed but know that there's a reason this has happened. I've lugged this around for three years, another two weeks can't make that much of a difference. I will definitely get a post to let everyone know how surgery goes when it's over. Updates as my saga continues.

The day draws near

Okay ... I will be having surgery on Thursday, October 5. I don't have a time yet. I should know that late tomorrow afternoon or early evening. I will go in and have the surgery and then stay in the hospital overnight. If all things go as planned, I'm to be released to come home on Friday.

I have very mixed emotions right now. I'm excited to have this thing finally gone from my leg. I'm excited about a large weight loss with the removal. I'm excited to get back to an eating program and march solidly on toward my goal of 200 pounds gone by January 1 of 2007.

Then again, I'm scared spitless. I'm worried something will go wrong. I'm afraid of the pain I'll have when it's all over. I hate thinking about being intubated, catheterized, etc. I'm afraid of infection and some kind of complication.

I'm putting it into the Lord's capable hands. I know He won't let me down. I'm not done living yet and I have many things to accomplish. I'll check back when I know more.

Still Waiting

I called the surgery scheduler this morning and had to leave a message. The message said I could expect a call back in the next 24-48 hours. I imagine this so she can check into what kind of surgery and block out the time it might take. Right now I get to continue waiting.

Lost another pound this past week. Not really trying and been maintaining until recently. I'm sure once I put this whole surgery business behind me, I'll be back on track. Actually, I'm thinking about not waiting anymore and just starting up again now. We'll see how the mood hits this week and when the surgery is going to be. No time like the present, right?

Surgical Consultation

Had my appointment with the general surgeon today. He poked, prodded, moved, and manipulated that growth just about every possible way. He agrees it needs to come off now. He said he was getting an idea of where he'd cut to remove it. It will be an elliptical cut going from my knee to just below my groin. He said it will require an overnight stay in the hospital. I'll need to plan to be off work for a minimum of two weeks and possibly three. It will depend upon how well I heal and recover. The date is up in the air. He was going to look at the MRI images with the radiologist and then his office will call to let me know if they are going to do a biopsy first (he doubts it) or the removal. When they call, I will then be able to go ahead and schedule the surgery. His nurse said it will likely be in the next two to three weeks. Nothing I can do now but wait.

Good news for a change

So, we did the drive south yesterday to get our mail and complete some business. Last week we got a new (for us) car. Tim was stressing about our car payments with me stepping down as a supervisor and making less money so he decided we needed to trade cars. He got a super good deal on a 2005 Honda Accord with less than 20,000 miles on it and a warranty that's bumper to bumper up to almost 100,000 miles. This meant we could cancel the gap insurance policy we had purchased on the last car and get a refund of the unpaid balance. To do that, we had to go back to the dealership where the car was purchased. So off, we went.

I was set to fight with the dealer as they really are a shady lot. The good news is it went smooth as silk and we were in and out, with check in hand in about 15 minutes. The other good news is we got almost all of the money back! Yea for us. In addition to that check, we also got another unexpected check in the mail. With the two combined, it's almost as much as one of my two week paychecks. We're going to put that money aside for when I'm in the hospital and not getting paid. It's really going to help us out. We sure needed a break!

On the way out of town, we stopped to visit with Crys and Ceci (oldest daughter and the granddaughter). Gosh, but that baby is getting big. She's not really a baby anymore, she's a little girl. She was too cute. She started to laugh at herself and the laughter was just too funny. She was really having fun and expressing her joy. Her vocabularly right now seems to consist of Daddy, Mommy, Mama (Grandma) and Papa (Grandpa). She ran to me, and jumped into my arms. She held on tight for a big hug and it felt great! She and I played with a few of her toys. I read some books to her (watered down versions of course). I sang to her and held her and cuddled with her. I really hated to leave but she went down for a nap and time was getting short.

All in all, it was a great day filled with sunshine, family, and joy.

More Drama than CBS, NBC, ABC, and FOX Put Together!

Hi everyone ...

More drama added to my story today. I keep praying it's all going to end, and then more gets dumped into my lap.

Fell asleep for a few minutes yesterday afternoon in my chair, sitting up. When I woke up, I had this tightness in my chest. I figured it was my medicine stuck in my throat (you all can probably relate to the feeling of something lodged just below your breastbone). I went on to work and when I walked in felt terrible. Met the therapist in the office who demanded I call the campus nurse. She wanted me to call 911 as she thought I might be having a heart attack. I managed to drive myself to urgent care where they checked me out, ran an EKG, gave me baby asprin, and called the ambulance. Off to the hospital I was raced.

Called Tim upon arrival to alert him of the situation. Had blood drawn to check cardiac enzymes. Had a chest x-ray. Spoke to the ER doc and then a cardiologist who advised me the tests were fine but they were keeping me overnight to monitor my heart.

Tim arrived (having taken a taxi, bless his heart) and I was taken upstairs. Tim eventually reached my friend Barb and she came and took him home. She also brought him back today, picked me up, and took us back to our car at urgent care.

Today I spoke with the doctor on call for my doctor's office. He said he feels many over reacted, but at least my heart seems to be okay. Always better to be safe than to be sorry. Then I had an echocardiogram. Spoke with the cardiologis who said that my heart seems to be just fine. To be sure, I have to call and set up an appointment to have a nuclear stress test done. Oh goody! Then he goes on to tell me the chest x-ray shows an enlarged nodule which may be nothing but I'll have to see a pulmonary specialist. That person showed up a bit later and said he feels the nodule is a calcium deposit, but it will have to be checked out further. I'll need a CAT scan. It can wait 3-4 weeks while I deal with the leg situation. Thanks for the small things!

I've been discharged and am at home now. Spoke to the manager at work and work was a living hell yesterday with many staff not showing up or having some sort of problem. The campus site director had to work in our home along with the clinical director. I say good enough for them to have to get involved and see how things really are than to sit in their offices always telling us what we're doing wrong. At any rate, I don't go back to work until Tuesday afternoon. *sigh*

I'm pretty tired. They had to poke me many times. The IV the paramedic started in the ambulance blew the vein. Then the IV therapis had a difficult time establishing a new IV. It was very frustrating and I have a HUGE purple bruise on my left forearm now. Also had to have shots in the tummy (blood anti-coagulant). Was not in a private room this time and the older woman (age 72) was restless and kept me awake. I did take a nap with Tim a bit ago.

Anyway ... I still have to see the surgeon on Wednesady. Have to call the cardiologist on Monday to set up the stress test and eventually call the pulmonary specialist for the CAT scan follow-up. One fun thing after another, it seems.

Doctor Appointment Follow-Up

Just back from the doctor and I know some of you will be anxious to hear the news. First we covered the MRI results. The good news is this is mostly soft tissue which means there's a good chance it is non-cancerous. No way to know for certain until it is removed and they do a pathology test on it. That's also when I may find out what caused it in the first place. Next, it is barely attached to muscle and not attached to bone at all. This is excellent news for the surgeon because once they do a few cuts, it can likely be lifted right out. That's a good thing. The infection appears to be near the surface and is more of a skin infection than an infection in the growth itself.

I complained about the plastic surgeon office and she has now referred me to a general surgeon. She spoke with him while I was still there in her office and I now have an appointment with him on Weds of next week at noon. He will evaluate it and see if he's comfortable taking it off. At this point, I don't care about scarring. No one but myself, Tim, and the occasional doctor sees my legs anyway. I'm excited about this appointment and am praying that within a week or so of this appointment, the surgery will occur. (On a side note, this may very well be the surgeon I saw in the hospital. He didn't want to touch it at the time because I had state medicaid insurance so it will be interesting to see his response now.) The general surgeon could refuse to do the surgery so I'm not going to cancel the appointment with the platic surgeon until I speak with him. I'm just praying that the end of this tunnel is within my walk.

A Work Story

Well let's see ... Work last night was interesting. I ended up putting a girl in her place and had the other girls rolling on the floor in laughter in the process, literally. It went something like this.

It was time for the girls to be preparing for bed, taking showers, taking bedtime meds, etc. A relaxed time, however one somewhat interrupted as the girls who did the grocery shopping had just returned. Groceries were lugged in and taken down to the kitchen but no one wanted to help put them away. One of the other staff, I'll call her C, and I were talking about how things were done in our own homes where if we did the shopping, we expected the kids to help lug it in and put it away. After all, they wanted to help eat it all the time so they could help getting it into the house and put away.

There were three girls sitting in the living area, where we were talking. One girl was in the office taking her meds, I'll call her L. She turned around and started jumping into the conversation that C and I were having. C was getting irritated with L so I told L that we were having an adult conversation that did not concern her and could she please "see her way out of it". OMG ... the girls all busted up laughing because that's not generally how I am.

L started to wag her finger at me, mind you she's a good six to eight feet from me, telling me "Don't you mess with me, Miss Karon". I promptly replied, "Girl, first don't wag your finger at me. I'm not afraid of you and I'm certainly not afraid of you wagging finger. Furthermore, it is you who does not want to mess with me, missy!" Again, the girls were busting up. L was so flabbergasted she couldn't even go on looking at me. She turned away and the interaction ended.

The other girls were saying things like "Dang, Karon, I didn't know you could do that" and "You sure got her" and "Wow, you did good, Karon". It was pretty funny and it felt like the thing to do. L went on to bed and was alseep shortly after.

So ... just a glimpse into a small part of my night last night. Hope it made you chuckle a little.

Wow!

Almost an entire week has passed since I last posted. Not much has happened in my life, though.

I have an appointment with my primary doctor tomorrow morning. My leg has been a little more pink than usual and more tender so I called and got an appointment. I'm hoping she can light a fire under the arse of the plastic surgeon. His office called me yesterday and tried to move my appointment back two more weeks. I said "Oh hell no!" rather loud and clear. They ended up just moving my appointment to the afternoon on the 2nd of October instead. Said the doctor won't be in the office in the morning. So ... I'm taking the CD of the MRI photos to my doctor and see what she says and what she wants to do. I just want this whole thing to be over with now. I'm tired of it all.

Work has been okay. The girls go from totally obnoxious to tolerable. I suppose that's pretty much how they'd describe me lately. *laughing* Every day is one more down and I just keep on going.

I'll try to find time to pop back in the next day or so to update about the appointment. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, whatever!

The MRI and one picture of the mass

I'm sharing one photo of the many Tim took of the growth on my leg. I don't know that I'll leave it here for a long time, but we'll see. I feel like I've spent so much time talking about it here that you all may want to know exactly what it looks like. I hope it doesn't really disturb anyone. A few others I shared it with were repulsed and actually so am I. It isn't a pretty picture, of the leg or myself. I was tired and not very happy the night it was taken, hence the frown on my face. Since I'm sharing this one, I'll likely share post-op pictures as well. If others comment not wanting to see, I may share them in my picture album (linked on the left) instead of here. Again, I'll see.



Whew! That MRI was rough. First they didn't think I was going to even fit into the machine. It was a very tight squeeze. Then I had to lay flat on my back (not something I typically do EVER because the mass weight pulls on my knee and puts me in excruciating pain) for over two hours. I couldn't move, not even to wiggle my toes. Yikes!

When the pain got to be too much, I would close my eyes and picture myself surrounded by all of the people I've come to know in this weight loss journey. I would force myself to take deep and calming breaths, focusing on breathing in and exhaling fully. I tried to let go of all the negative with each exhale. It helped!

The photos from the MRI are really GROSS. Tim and I had no clue what we were looking at (they gave me a CD of the MRI to take to the plastic surgeon) but we were both grossed out to the point we had to stop looking. ICK!

Well, that's behind me and today is a new day. Hope everyone has a great Friday.

Another Update

Just got off the phone. I have the appointment for the MRI set for tomorrow at noon. The results will be sent to my doctor who will then forward them to the plastic surgeon.

Called the plastic surgeon's office and am now very frustrated. The earliest appointment they have is for October 2nd. I explained the urgency of the situation but I guess three weeks isn't going to make that much of a difference. I'm disappointed because I wanted this to happen this month and it's obviously not going to. It means remaining on the antibiotics and watching as this thing gets larger (it has since my release from the hospital).

On an up note, I think I may be eligible for one week paid vacation in October and that could be a good thing. If I'm out for 3-5 weeks that's one less that I won't be paid for. I'm trying to look for the silver lining in all of this. I'm frustrated but understand how medical stuff goes. At least they have plenty of time to get necessary insurance stuff together.

Another disappointment is that I was invited to a class reunion on October 21st and now that may not be possible. I don't know if I should go ahead and pay the $70 to reserve our spot or just say to heck with it. There's a good chance I'll be in hospital or recovering at that point. I wanted to go! It's a special reunion for those who graduated in the 80s ... 1980-1989 ... and includes both of my younger sisters as well as myself. I graduated in 1980. My younger sister graduated in 1982 and my youngest sister graduated in 1989. We were going to book hotel rooms together and everything. Guess that's all off now.

Stiff upper lip and all. I'll make it through yet another challenge. I don't have to like it, but I'll make it!