Just One of Those Days

You know ... you've had them. One of those blah days when nothing seems to matter. You don't care how you look. You don't care if you eat or not and you certainly don't care if you stick to an eating program to lose weight. You don't care if you take a walk or exercise or even get out of bed. Well ... that's the kind of day I sort of had yesterday.

First, Tim had insomnia and didn't sleep all night. Every time I got up to go to the bathroom (and it was five times because I had water after 7:30 PM the night before ... will I ever learn?) he asked me what time it was. Finally at 4:00 AM I couldn't take it anymore. He kept wanting to chit chat. Why didn't he get up and watch TV or something? Didn't he know I needed my beauty rest?!

At 4:30 he started talking food. He had a craving for something and nothing would make him happy until he got it. So ... at 5 we get up and by 5:15 we are out the door. Now, the closest place to get what he was craving is an hour and a half away! UGH! I don't mind driving, though the cost of gasoline did have me questioning our sanity. Ah heck, you only live once, right? Off we go, arriving at our destination about 7:00.

I wasn't going to eat anything ... trust me ... NOTHING on the menu was NS friendly. The dining room was not open and the food had to be eaten in the truck. But ... I pulled up to the drive thru window and found myself ordering the same thing for me that Tim wants. What in the hell was wrong with me?! I had no desire to even try to fight the urge. I pretty much said, "Ah well ... it's one time and I've been so good for nine months." Damn it! Have I learned nothing in the last nine months? We ate the food and headed back, stopping to run errands in the city near us on the way home.

Let me tell you ... I berated myself over this. I said nothing to Tim but he felt so bad for suggesting this place and then saying nothing when I placed the order. He usually keeps me in line but I don't know that him saying anything would have made a difference.

We get home and since he didn't sleep all night, he went to bed. I rested for about two more hours and then got up. I felt awful. I was physically ill. I had the taste of the horrible food in my mouth. I felt I could smell it seeping out through my skin. I was mad at me and I wanted to just give up and eat all day long. I'm happy to report, I didn't do that. I got right back on track and ate on program for the rest of the day, but the damage was done. I felt crappy all day and into the night. I got up this morning and still feel horrible. How long is it going to take to flush that junk out of my system?

Tim felt so bad last night, especially when he realized I was sick. He feels he let me down. I tried to explain to him that he didn't let me down. I let me down! I was the one who ordered the food. I was the one who ate the food. I was the one who had no self-control. He just said "We're a team and you support me and keep me from eating the things I can't have because of my diabetes. I wasn't a part of your support team and I'm sorry." Poor guy! All is forgiven because there's nothing to forgive.

This morning I'm back on track, though I still don't feel well. I took Fancy for our morning walk. I had NS scrambled eggs with a vegetable sausage patty, an apple, and two slices of whole grain toast (90 calories total in the toast) with ICBINB spread. One meal down and drinking my water. I'm off to do a minimum of 20 minutes with one of my workout videos and hopefully, this horrible feeling will pass.

I've assured Tim, and I'll now assure you all and myself ... that isn't going to happen again for a VERY long time. I don't want to feel like this again. And I have that goal of 100 lbs gone by Thanksgiving to think of. I'm going to get there and keep on going.