I'm Home Again

I am home from the hospital. This hospitalization had NOTHING to do with my weight loss surgery per the cardiologist and I'm thankful for that. I had surgery to increase my health, not to make more problems for me. I wasn't scared so much as pissed about having to be there. I went to the surgeon for a check up and end up admitted into the hospital. I had things to do, damn it! Mandi and family were here. We were supposed to go to Alpha at church that night. It was a royal pain in the butt!

I am thankful that the doctor reached for my wrist out of character. I am thankful that I'm going to be just fine. But ... those were the longest five days in my life!

I had three different roommates. Most were friendly but I was in no mood. I had a huge fight with the dietary people who thought I had to have everything chopped to ground hamburger mush and would not give me most of the things I wanted to eat. I eat all of them at home and they are okay for me to have but they wouldn't let me have them. It got ugly to the point I told them I was going on a hunger strike and not eating another meal at the hospital. I mean, come on now. I'm 46 years old and I think I know what I can eat and how to cut it and chew it thoroughly. Debbie talked to my nurse and she called the doctor and I thought it was resolved. Then I tried to order dinner and it was another nightmare. I'm so glad to be home where I can make my own food and eat what I want to eat!

The atrial fibrillation resolved itself. The cardiologist says it may have been caused by stress (which I've been under quite a bit of lately but not said a lot about) or even my sleep apnea, though that diagnosis pisses me off. I did snore a LOT at my sister's last weekend sleeping in her recliner so I suppose that's possible. Now they wait to see if it happens again.

The heparin drip they had me on did something to my blood and my platelet count dropped enough to be a concern. Once they stopped the drip, the count started to rise again.

I had three IVs and all of them eventually blew. The multiple sticks to draw blood have totally ruined the vein in my right elbow bend. The gal from lab told me that. I am bruised up from all the jabs.

I have to go to the coumadin clinic on Thursday to see if my level is where they want it. It was still low but the cardiologist said if I stayed in the hospital it may be another 4-5 days before it was where it needs to be. Good thing he released me because I was about to go stir crazy and was likely the patient from hell the last two days there. I didn't mean to be but everything just got to me. Thankfully, they can do that test for level with a finger stick instead of a blood draw. I'll be on the coumadin for at least 4-6 weeks and then they will re-evaluate and see where we need to go. Fun!

It took so long to discharge me that I ended up having to say something. It really shouldn't take three plus hours to discharge someone from the hospital, in my humble opinion. My nurse had only three patients and that included me. She came on shift at 7 and by 7:30 knew I was going home. She never even came in to see me and check my vitals until 9:30 and then told me it would be three more hours before I could leave. What the ...? I ended up talking to the charge nurse who agreed to help get me out of there. I swear I heard a cheer go up from that crew when I left. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I was there I had excellent care. But the 3-11 shift the night before and then the day shift my last day were just awful. Guess they save the suck crew for the weekend which is just as well. (My apologies to any nurse reading who may be offended. I did not have a good experience with less than a handful of the nursing staff. For the most part they were an attentive, caring, helpful staff who were there to take care of patients and get the job done.)

I go back to work on Wednesday night. I think I'm strong enough. I will work Wednesday and Thursday and then be off for the weekend. I'll give next week a shot and see how it goes. If it's too much, I'll have my doctor write me up a note to do half shifts for a week to ease me back into it. I have to get back to work. I've got bills to pay and a life to live.

I can return to water aerobics a week from today if I feel up to it. I figure I'll see how I feel. I should be able to get back to that now, too.

It's good to be home. I got to sleep in my own bed, on my tummy no less. I had to get up about 4:30 because my back was hurting due to not sleeping like that for so long but it felt good to be sleeping in my own bed on my tummy once again.

Pain and pulling in my abdomen is almost nil. My abdomenal muscles are tight from getting up and down in bed but that's a good thing. Soon, I guess things will be back to normal here, whatever the heck that is!

In the Hospital

The hospital found my clothes from when I had surgery. They had already sent me gift checks for $100 so I purchased me two pair of size 4X drawstring pants and two 4X tops. They had said I could keep the money for the inconvenience. I thought was quite generous.

Tuesday afternoon I went to see my surgeon for my four week follow-up. I had felt a little off kilter since Saturday. I thought I just needed an adjustment in my blood pressure meds. He reached out and took my pulse and it was erratic. He had them do an EKG and it was abnormal. He called my primary doc who said to send me to the ER. Got to the ER and they determined I was in atrial fibrillation (a-fib) and I ended up being admitted. I was put on different medications and as of two nights ago my heart rhythm is back to normal. I am still here because I was placed on Coumadin and they need me to be at a therapeutic level before they release me. Hopefully I'll be out of here tomorrow.

Other than that, I've been doing fine. Eating is going well. No issues per the surgeon. I got to add veggies but by the time I get my protein down, I'm full. Weight loss is 387 down to 359 though the surgeon said 51 pounds. I don't know what number they have as my start number but it must be different than mine.

Kids have gone home. My sister Debbie came back up to help with Tim. She has been a God send and I am so very thankful for her. Without her I don't know what we would do.

Thanks Barb, for letting my friends know what was going on.

I'm Still Searching

I am still searching for a liquid protein that I like. I did try something I got from vitalady.com finally. It was orange flavored. I made orange crystal lite and added half the packet of powder. It was tolerable but oh so sweet. Next time, I'll use the rest of the bag and add it to just water and see how it is.

I got some high protein ice cream recipes from a blog but haven't tried any of them yet. I got an ice cream maker but am still checking out protein powders. I think I'll get me a small bag (7 servings) of the EAS chocolate and see how I like it. I hated the EAS pre-made shake but am willing to give this a shot. Seems what powder tastes good varies from person to person and what we liked before surgery can change. This is a frustrating process to say the least.

I'm feeling pretty well. Almost no pain now. I do get a "stitch" in my left side from time to time I'll be asking the doctor about it on Tuesday when I go for my four week follow-up. And there is still some pulling on the right but it isn't uncomfortable, just annoying. The incisions have all healed except my belly button. That poor belly button now has "love handles" from where they stapled the incision closed. LOL It's the only one that still has scabs and the drain hole is scabbed as well. That one is getting loose on the edges so will likely come off soon. (I hear lap band patients go home with steri-strips.)

I'm walking 1/4 mile at least once a day right now. I know I should be walking more, but for planned exercise that is pretty good for me. I'm working on increasing it to 1/2 mile this next week. I'm also doing more incidental walking so all is good. Hopefully, I'll be able to return to my water aerobics classes in a couple more weeks.

The hospital finally located my clothes. They lost them when I had surgery and until yesterday they were nowhere to be found. They turned up yesterday. The hospital had already sent me $100 to replace them and the gal said I could keep the money. So ... I went online to Woman Within (formerly Lane Bryant) and got some pretty good deals. I ordered a blouse, a sweater, two pair of 4X drawstring pants (planning ahead), and a new pair of bike shorts for the pool as the ones I was wearing are difficult to keep up now. I still have a little money left over so will be getting new socks and probably another bra since my old ones are too baggy for me to wear anymore.

Only other issue is that I've not had a menstrual cycle since August. Should have been here by now and I think that's part of the reason that my weight loss has slowed way down. I've never been regular so I'm not worried. I KNOW there is no way I am pregnant!

I also know it's slow because of not getting enough protein. I've said from the get-go of my weight loss journey that protein is key. It's all going to fall into place, I just have to keep my nose to the grindstone and believe in me.

I'm heading south later this morning. We're going downstate to visit with both of our daughters and the grands. We're all going to go out for dinner together. My sister who was here to help out during surgery is going to join us as well. I'll be taking photos and will post some next week.

Saturday we're going to Newport, IN to an antique auto show. This little bitty town thrives on this event and it's held the first weekend in October for as long as I can remember. To see what all goes on, feel free to do a Google search for Newport Hill Climb. I'll definitely be getting lots of incidental walking there.

We'll be back home on Sunday evening before dark. Tim doesn't want me to drive after dark for some strange reason. I think it's because he doesn't see well himself at night but no biggie. My younger sister (where we'll be staying) has to work Sunday night and will need to rest anyway. And I have to get things ready for Mandi and family as they will be here Monday thru Friday next week. I can't wait!

Have a GREAT weekend, y'all!

Protein

I tried the EAS Carb Control shake. It was just plain nasty to me. I tried the Atkins Advantage shake and it was also nasty. Then I tried a bottle of Isopure that someone told me would taste like kool-aid. Well it didn't taste like any kool-aid I've ever tried. I tried the Apple Melon which one would think would have more apple taste than melon since that comes first on the bottle. It was like drinking honeydew melon which I'm not all that fond of in the first place. I hated it. I hate that I've basically wasted $20 on all of those products to find out I can't drink any of them. I have one more bottle of Isopure Blue Raspberry. I'll try it but don't have high hopes. I'm going to have to just get my protein from what I eat, I guess. I do still have the vitalady.com samples I ordered. I'll give them each a shot but am a bit gun shy right now.

Other than that, things are going well. I did a LOT of walking yesterday. I may have even walked a little too much. My knees are still screaming today. At least I can take it easy today as we have no real plans except for going to church in a little while.

Mandi (youngest daughter), Tim (her hubby), and Chloe (granddaughter) left North Carolina on Friday night. After a detour and getting a little lost, they finally made it to his dad's house yesterday late afternoon. I'm thankful that they made it safely. They will be up to visit with us for a couple days this week.

Nothing else new going on. Still only getting about four hours sleep per night. Part of the problem is then I nap during the day. I'm working on breaking that little habit.

Have a wonderful Sunday, all!

Two Weeks Post-Op

I had my two week post-op appointment with my surgeon yesterday evening. It went quite well. The day of surgery I weighed 386 pounds. At my appointment yesterday their scale weighed me at 369 which is down 17 pounds since surgery. They then looked at my weight loss since the end of July when I went on the pre-op diet and were quite impressed as that makes down a total of 40 pounds!

They removed my staples. I am now staple free! Yea for me. The incisions are ugly looking to me but he said in 48 hours they will look totally different. The surgeon said that the pulling I'm feeling could be from some inner stitches they had to put in one of the incisions on my right side. The back pain is likely due to the adjustment of core muscles as I heal. He said I have probably made an adjustment to the way I walk (no kidding) due to the pain and the tummy muscles being penetrated. He said the back pain should go away as I continue to heal. He suggested liquid Tylenol to help with the pain until then, especially before I'm going to move around a lot. I think I'll pick some up and go from there. I'm not one to take medication, even for headaches, but I'm considering this for now. At the very least, it will help the pain to not be so strong.

Then I met with the nutritionist. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, pretty much. She said I'm eating the way I should be but may want to eat a little more at each sitting. I'm currently eating only about 2 ounces of protein each time I eat. She wants that to be at least 3 ounces. She also wants me to track the protein intake a bit better. I keep a food log, but haven't bothered with the counts so much. Guess I'd better pick up a protein count pocket book so I can track more accurately. She also suggested I drink at least one protein drink per day. I'm going to get some EAS Lite today to try in shake form and also some Isopure which should help. She said that will at least boost my protein levels to where they should be and I won't have to worry so much about getting enough. They will draw blood at my next appointment in October to check all my levels.

I am to continue to increase my walking. It is slow going but every day I challenge myself to do a little more. The surgeon also wants me to add going up and down at least one flight of stairs per day. He said it will help me to build the core muscles and exercise my calves which is still important to keep me from developing blood clots in my legs. It hurts to just step up and down at curbs but I'll do my best to start this. We do have stairs in our apartment building and I'll just go out and climb one flight of them for now. Eventually I'll add going up to the third floor but baby steps right now.

Overall, things are going well. I still tire pretty easily. The walking increases my back pain. Still going to check into getting some Spanx (or something similar from Lane Bryant) to help in smoothing things out. It will also help my muscles develop a bit as well.

The Woo Hoo Update

When I started this whole process, pre-surgery, I weighed 407 pounds. I weighed 387.5 when I went in for surgery two weeks ago Monday. I was currently at 370 this morning. That is an 18.5 pound loss since surgery. That means I'm down 30.5 pounds in the last two months. Woo hoo! I am now at the smallest weight I've been at in over 20 years. The numbers seem so unreal peering back up at me.

Eating is still going well. I'm still on protein only and getting really tired of it. I'm coping, though. I know it's only a matter of time and I'll be able to eat other healthy foods. This is just the beginning. I likened it to learning to ride a bike to Tim yesterday. Right now I have the training wheels on (learning how to eat properly by eating what is most important-protein). Soon I'll drop one training wheel and get used to leaning as I learn to balance another food group (adding veggies at 4 weeks post-op). And before I know it, the other training wheel will be off and I'll be able to eat all food groups, but in the proper amounts and proportions.

Pain is still minimal and I've not touched the pain medication in over a week now. I still have the tightness and pulling in my right abdominal area. When I sit on regular chairs for a long time or walk too much, I get a pain in my back. It's more a discomfort than a pain, but it can be distracting.

I'm drinking 48-64 ounces of water per day now. I seem to be able to get down Crystal Lite and hot tea easier than just water but I mostly drink water. I don't know why it is the way it is! I'm going to go get some Isopure to try which is a protein drink that supposedly tastes like kool-aid to help me ensure I am getting the protein I need. I'm also going to pick up some EAS protein shakes for the same reason. I ordered some protein powders from vitalady.com but have not tried them yet. I think I'm afraid as I've heard such negative comments about most protein powders. One of these days, I'll try them.

The hospital lost the clothes I wore in. They put them in a bag before surgery and they've not been seen since. I've been patient but had a rather expensive (in my opinion) pair of VANS gym shoes in there and I want them back or replaced. I'm going to give them until Tuesday and then call and talk to a patient advocate. Anyone going into the hospital for surgery, give your clothes to family to take to the car so this doesn't happen to you!

So, all in all, things are going quite well. I'm healing. I'm eating. I'm moving when I can. Best of all, I'm losing weight! Woo hoo!

(Edit: I almost forgot ... I go to see the surgeon on Tuesday for my two week post-op appointment. He should remove my staples. I should also meet with the Nutritionist who will look over my food diary and let me know how I'm doing. I'll likely not update until Wednesday.)

Progressing Well

So far, so good. I have not had any pain medication for about three days now. I do still have a tenderness pulling on one side which I am assuming is the area some of the work may have been done. Other than that, no real pain.

I'm eating and not having much problem other than being bored with the foods I get to eat right now. A couple more weeks and the pureed restriction will be lifted and then I can eat more variety. I will also be able to add veggies back into my diet. I'm not sure I'm eating enough but I don't feel hungry so figure I must be doing okay. I'm eating about two ounces per meal right now and it is all protein. I need to get out and purchase some Isopure or EAS protein drinks and see how they are. I'm hesitant to spend money on something that I'm not sure I'll like, but it would give my protein intake a BIG boost.

Emotionally, I'm still up and down, but heck, I was that way a long time before surgery so I don't really think it's surgery related. I'm hanging in there. Moving easier every day. Only able to sleep in my bed on my back. Last night, Tim and I stacked two sofa pillows on my side of the bed. One flat and the other leaned against it. That enabled me to sleep in bed from 10:30 PM to about 4 AM which would have been about how long I would have slept on my tummy before so I guess that was good. It sure was nice to get out of the recliner for the night, anyway. I did doze in it from 4-7, though.

Just to clairfy

I had the gastric bypass Rou-N-Y surgery. Pain is almost nil today. Did a little too much or I'd probably have no pain at all. Gonna try to sleep in bed tonight. We'll see how it goes. I'm a tummy sleeper.

Emotions and Update

Emotions are right on the surface. Being housebound not only because of surgery but because of rain hasn't helped much. When not raining, I could have at least left this little apartment for a walk outside. Praise the Lord, the rain has stopped and I'll be able to get outside and move more tomorrow. All week is supposed to be quite nice here. Yea!

I'm already tired of pureed chicken, pork, and scrambled egg. I had a little bit of cream of mushroom soup today and that was heaven! I love cream soups and am allowed to have them. Such a nice change of pace. Hot tea seems to help calm my tummy if it feels a little upset.

Only took pain med at bedtime. Still have pain in my right abdomen. It's like a pulling. Hurts but I'm dealing with it. And that's about it for me today.

Sorry for the dealy but I'm okay!

I'm home. I want to say thank you for the well wishes, good thoughts, and prayers. It was because of all the support I have that I went into surgery totally unafraid.

The gall bladder removal added four hours to my surgery. I had 30 stones in my gall bladder. Ouch! They had a hard time reaching it and thought they'd have to open me up, but managed with time and persistence to do the whole thing laproscopically. Thank you, Father in heaven!

Being home is a bit rough, but also a blessing. I can do what I want when I want. Tim has been great heating things for me and helping me up and down. I sent Debbie home yesterday. She has three dogs who here babies now and they missed her. I know how hard it is to be away from home and she couldn't do anything for me that Tim can't do now. She'll be back next Saturday and stay through Tuesday when I get my staples removed and have my two week post op follow-up visit.

I am still in pain, but it is better everyday. I've not had the liquid pain med which tastes really nasty since bedtime last night. The surgeon said the less of it I take, the better off I am so I'm taking him at his word. The pain has been tolerable.

I'm eating but amazed at how little I can eat. I'm trying to get down the water but it's not easy. I've also had diarrhea but it isn't explosive and it isn't clear which are two things I've been told to watch for. It also isn't all watery. Sorry, I know that's too much BM info!

It hurts to sit here but I wanted to post. I love you all and am thankful you are here. I'm hoping in a couple days I'll be back up to speed but that may be pushing it. I've been here long enough to type this post and already I'm feeling worn out!

Take care and I'll check back in a day or so when I can sit a bit longer!

Today is THE day!

Good morning friends,

Yesterday was a good day. My sister is here. We had a nice visit and just hung out. She's making a new afghan while she's here. Lavendar and light yellow and I got to choose the yarn. Not exactly what I wanted but the purple yarn they had was kind of a yucky shade so this will do.

Went to bed early because Sis is here and was sleeping on the sofa. Tonight she gets our bed and Tim will sleep on the sofa. He says he wants to so he can stay up late and not bother her. She goes to bed early and he doesn't since my schedule is so crazy.

I've taken my meds and am finishing off the bottle of water. Nothing else to eat or drink today. I still need to shower and shave the legs and pits. I need to weigh and measure myself as well as take that wonderful before surgery photo. And I STILL need to pack my bag! I have a list so I won't forget stuff but I wait until the last minute to do everything.

I'm not nervous at all. I'm just ready to have the surgery behind me. I know that operating room is going to be packed with angels today. So many prayers going up for me today. I am so blessed to have so many great friends and loved ones. I'll check in as soon as I can. Tim is way too confused on the computer or I'd have him post an update tonight. Sorry but y'all are just going to have to wait until I'm up to it to post it myself.

God bless and I'll check in as soon as I can.

Details

Surgery will be at 2 PM on Monday, Sept 8th. I have to be at the hospital about noon. I can eat until midnight. Yeah, right! I'll have my dinner meal about 5 PM and then nothing after that, more than likely. I can drink water from midnight until 7 AM and then nothing else. I take my blood pressure and thyroid meds in the morning, same as always. I figure by the time I'm starting to feel hunger I should be under anesthesia and won't know I'm hungry! LOL

Tim was diagnosed yesterday as being legally blind. Not sure what that means really as far as his SSI is concerned. We've been told it means he is eligible for more benefits. He put a call in to his adjudicator today to find out. I do know we can go back three years on our taxes amend them to include this as a tax deduction which could mean more money for us. Other than that, it's just one more freaking diagnosis for him to have to come to terms with.

Oh, and I forgot to say I'm back down to 390.5 which is where I was exactly one month ago. I'm hoping to be at 387 by Monday which would be 20 lbs lost on the pre-op diet. It hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

A question for Janet ... I've been reading about some kind of antiseptic soap I should be bathing with, except face and privates before going into the hospital to help with germs. Is that necessary or will I be okay using my usual soap? I'll do it if I have to but it seems like overkill to me. I read this in my online surgery support group. As a nurse, what do you think? I'd have to go back and read again to find the name but it's some kind of surgical soap I can buy at Walgreens.

I promise to post as soon as I can to let you all know how things went and that I'm okay.

Doctor Appointment Update

My doctor was pleased with the weight I've lost since I last saw him about 2 months or so ago (a total of about 16 pounds). I told him it had been more but when my original surgery was cancelled I ate my way back up about ten pounds before I got a grip and got back in the swing. He chuckled and said he understood. The thing is, I honestly do think he 'gets it'. He is so supportive and I feel blessed to have a doctor like him.

He re-took my BP as it was a little up when the nurse took it. She took it in my right arm and usually they use my left. She also took it just after I stepped up to get on the table (why don't they have tables that you can just sit down on like my cardiologist) and the whole table tipped and I almost fell. When the doctor took it, it was just fine! He said he'd call over the report of our visit today (Weds.) and make sure that the hospital gets the lab results for the bloodwork he had done after our appointment. Lastly, he said he'd see me on Tuesday! No more hurdles or obstacles ... just my own thoughts and emotions followed by the surgery. I can hardly believe it's almost here. Five days and counting!

Wow!

Sorry about that. I didn't realize that it has been so long since I last posted here. Life has been tossing us a few curve balls lately.

Went down south for Nadia's first birthday party. It was okay but she really doesn't know us because we live so far away so she wanted nothing to do with us. Her big sister Cecelia didn't want much to do with us because her other grandma was there and she spoils that girl rotten. At least we were there, though.

I go to my primary care doctor on Tuesday and then have bloodwork drawn for the hospital. Wednesday I go to my last water aerobics class until I'm cleared post-op which will be 4-6 weeks. Thursday I take Tim back to the opthalmologist for a vision field acuity test to check his peripheral vision. Depending on the results, he may be then be declared legally blind which will give us one more deduction at tax time. (Like he needs one more diagnosis!) Friday afternoon I call the hospital for the time of my surgery on Monday. Saturday I get to do final grocery shopping and a quick clean of the apartment in preparation for my sister's arrival. She will arrive on Sunday after church and we'll go to get some yarn. She's going to crochet me a new afghan while she's here with us. Monday it's off to surgery for me.

I'm hoping and praying I'll be just busy enough to not dwell on things. As soon as I can, I will post to let you all know I'm okay but don't worry when you don't hear anything on Monday. Tim's going to bring my laptop up to the hospital on Tuesday and I'll at least do a "hey" post. I'm so ready for this but it doesn't seem real, yet.

Have a great week and I'll do my best to check in during the week to update anything that needs to be updated.

Back on Track

I seem to be back on track. I had gained back up to 399 but as of this morning I am back down to 393.5 lbs. I was down to 391 previously so am almost back to where I was when I went off my pre-op diet.

Also, when I got up today all of my regular pants are in the laundry. I scrounged and found a pair in a drawer someone sent me a couple years ago that I never wear. One they are a light bone color which isn't a color I would buy and two they are only a size 4X. I put them on and found that they actually fit quite well. They also have a drawstring so I'll be able to wear them as I lose weight for a while. I have a black pair just like them. Yea for me!

The date is set

I got a call from the gal who schedules the surgeries yesterday. She offered to move me up to Thursday, Sept. 4th. All things considered, that wasn't going to make much of a difference in my life and was going to mess with my timing of my weeks off so I declined. The surgery date is now going to be September 8th. My older sister is going to come up to be with Tim while I'm in the hospital and to stay for at least a week. I'm thankful to have her come as she is a CNA who works in a hospital so she knows how to best help me.

Other than that, nothing much to report here. I'm back on my pre-op diet and making myself stick to it. I had gained some weight the week I was off but not beating myself up over it. My body was holding onto everything anyway since I'd been on such a low calorie diet for so long. Hopefully, I'll get back down to my lowest weight which was 391. I got a little ways to go. Ha!

Been one of those weeks

It's been a week that made things difficult to stay focused and positive. I did have to make a second trip down to my brother's to get my rear brakes repaired. All new rotars and brake pads. Thankfully, he saved us a LOT of money by helping us out and doing the work himself. Everything seems to be okay, for now. "knocking on wood"

Found out that Mandi and Chloe will be staying with her hubby's dad and stepmom instead of with us. I totally understand why. She and Chloe will have their own room, the house is much bigger than our little apartment, and maybe she can reconnect with a friend or two but ... it still hurts that she doesn't want to stay with us. I got the whole "I'll visit you every couple weeks speech" but I doubt that will happen. It didn't before and I know this time will be no different. I'm just bummed about that.

Will call the surgeon's office on Tuesday to find out if my official date is September 8th. That's the date I was last told, but she also said there was a slight chance it could be earlier on a Thursday instead of a Monday. She had to talk to the surgeon who will be back on Monday this week.

Weight has gone up a bit. It's because I had a bad week and my eating reflected it. I am back on track and back on the pre-op diet so things should be okay.

Hope all are well.

Just Stuff

The weight loss has slowed to non-existance. I think my body has gone into starvation mode. I am coming off the pre-op diet for this week and will hit the ground running again on Sunday. I'm not eating unhealthy, just eating different things and getting a few more calories.

I have one more week of water aerobics and then the Weds after Labor Day and I'm done until after surgery. I'm told it will be 4-6 weeks that I'll have to be out. I guess I better make sure I have a good pair of walking shoes as it sounds like that's the only form of exercise I'm going to be getting.

My car is a piece of crap. My brother put new front brakes on it over the weekend. Everything seemed fine. Then, Sunday afternoon I notice a noise from the rear of the car. I think it now needs rear brakes. They just put those on the car less than 10,000 miles ago, I'm sure. Going to take it back to the dealer and see what's going on. I am so irritated by this I could scream. I don't have the money right now to pay for repairs on this heap. It's supposed to be a nice car. We maintain it pretty well and yet, this happens. If it is the rear brakes, they need to fix them yet again!

Cardiology Results and New Surgery Date

Just back from the cardiologist and it was exactly as I knew it would be. There is NOTHING wrong with my heart. I have not had a heart attack. I am just FINE! I could have had my surgeon and my surgery and been recuperating right now. But ... everything happens for a reason. I know that.

That said, called the surgeon's office and the earliest she can get me back on the schedule is September 8th so it's another month of waiting for me. I don't think that's fair but then life isn't fair. Being a spiritual person, I'm pretty sure I'm starting to figure out part of the why when I looked at my calendar. It's disappointing and I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up on my surgery nor am I going to take back my committment I've made to something at church. I am going to win!

I will continue on the diet, somewhat but will likely not be quite as careful about the dinner meal. I don't want to regain what I've lost but I think my body is going into starvation mode as the scale hasn't changed in a few days. Changing things up for the next couple weeks before restarting the pre-op diet may be just what my body needs.

I'm trying to look at this how everyone else will tell me to see it. I still get to have surgery. I now know my heart is fine. It's better to be safe than sorry. I really don't care. The disappointment of having to wait so long is still here. I know it's selfish and stupid but it is what it is and I am who I am.

There is a slim chance the surgery date could be moved up but I'm not holding my breath. The surgeon is out of town next week and the schedulerer said she'd talk to him the following Monday when he returns. If he agrees to do the surgery on a Thursday instead of a Monday, I may get in a little sooner. We'll see. Right now I'm planning on Sept 8.

Surprise

Got a surprise call from my original surgeon this morning. He said he was sorry he wasn't going to be able to do my surgery but assured me that his partner (Dr. V) will take very good care of me. He said for me not to let this recent development discourage me at all. I thought it was sweet of him to call me personally. I told him I guess I'd have to accept second best but would rather have had him doing my surgery.

I went for the first part of the stress test yesterday. I had to walk on a treadmill and get my heart rate over 140 for them to do the test. It took less than three minutes for me to achieve that. Then they injected some kind of nuclear medication into an IV and I had to wait about 30 minutes. Went and laid on a very uncomfortable surface for 15 minutes while a camera took multiple pictures of my heart. I go back tomorrow morning for the second part of the test which is another injection and more pictures. I meet with the cardiologist on Friday afternoon and we'll see what he says about proceeding with surgery of if I have in fact had a heart attack.

I still just want all of this behind me and the surgery to be over. I suppose that's only natural.

Stress Test Scheduled

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. I know that this is just the latest speed bump in my journey. I have moved beyond it and accepted it knowing that the surgery will happen in God's time and not my own. There is a reason this has happened and in time I may even find that out! I sometimes wish I had His playbook but then life would be oh so boring.

I have an appointment for the first part of the 'cardiolite' stress test tomorrow morning. The second part will be on Thursday morning and I meet with the cardiologist on Friday afternoon to discuss the results. They stressed over and over again that I MUST be under 400 lbs to have this test. Funny, I had this same test two years ago and weighed at least 425 lbs and they did it no problem. At any rate, my scale weighed me at 390.5 today so even if their scale adds 5 lbs (which just about every scale in that hospital does), I should be fine. It just irritates me that she said it about six times during our conversation!

I've alerted the surgeon's office of all the appointment times and dates. The cardiology office suggested they may put me back on the schedule with a cancellation clause in case. I had to leave a message at the surgeon's office and we'll see what happens. I'm betting they won't schedule me until they have the clearance but we'll see.

That's where I'm at. I took tonight off work since I have the stress test early in the morning. I also took off the night before part two for the same reason. Thankfully, I had two sick days I could use for this part which still leaves my vacation and donated sick time in place for the surgery itself. So ... wish me success and pray there is really wrong with my heart. Not only would it affect my surgery but it would really mess with my mind.

And now it's shower time, dinner time, and off to my water aerobics class. I was so tempted to say to heck with it. Barb and anonymous, my first instinct was to head for the fridge. I did grab two small pieces of pizza Tim had the night before. I ate them and wanted something else and then my mind came back. What was I doing to me? I cannot react to disappointment by eating. I really wanted a pound of fried mushrooms from Brown's Chicken. I didn't give in to that, either. I can't wreck all that I've accomplished. Unlike others, I don't turn to sweets when upset, I turn to food in general. I managed to break that cycle this time and feel good about only eating the two small rectangles of pizza.

Have a good one and expect an update later on Friday afternoon.

Surgery Cancelled

Totally devestated right now. Got a call from my doctor. Surgery is cancelled for now. Something not right in my EKG so I have to have a stress test before anything else. Said the EKG shows I've had a heart attack since my last surgery. Huh? You'd think I'd know if I had a heart attack. I am very disappointed. Now my surgeon is not going to do the operation. When this is all behind me it will be his partner to do the surgery. I can't say anything else right now as the tears are coming on again. I know it's just a bump but it's one I didn't need right now.

Surgery Time

My surgery will be at 4:15 PM on Monday. I'm not happy with the time, but will survive. Last food will likely be a boiled egg and one slice of whole grain toast at 6 AM. All food stops at 7 AM. Can have water up to 11 AM and then nothing after that at all, not even a stick of gum! I have to be at the hospital at 2:45 PM so will likely check in on Monday morning and then be MIA until Tuesday. Tim is going to bring my laptop to me when he comes that day and if I'm up to it, I'll jump on to at least let you all know how I'm doing.

I have mixed emotions but a busy weekend planned so hopefully time will pass quickly. This last week has been rough and seemed two weeks long!

Hanging In There

I'm hanging in there. Went to my last water aerobic class last night. It went well but the water was pretty chilly. Everyone was so excited for me and supportive. All told me to just do what the doctor and nutritionist say and I'll be fine. It was nice to have the added encouragement and support. All said they'll be looking forward to my return when cleared by my surgeon.

I'm having something going on with my right leg. It has happened before. It's like a dull ache down to the bone and it really hurts. It goes from my hip all the way down my shin to my ankle. When I rub it, the area is a little bit tender. I had something I was taking for it but I can't take that right now. No Nsaids, ibuprofen, aleve, etc ever again. It can lay in one spot and eat into my stomach lining, especially after surgery with my little bitty pouch. Nothing much gives me relief. This morning, so I could sleep, I did take one of the pills I used to take (that I'm not supposed to). I won't do it again but I had to have some relief so I could sleep as I have this last night of work. The pain was so bad that I was in tears. And Tim rubbed Bengay on it. He's such a honey bear! Between the two I got enough relief to get about five hours of sleep. Yea for me! I'm going to get some more Tylenol later. It's the only 'pain killer' I can have right now and after surgery so may as well lay some in. Well, that's other than the drug the doc sends me home with!

Got my book in the mail today. It's called 'Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies' and came highly recommended by many. It is an easy read and covers everything from deciding if WLS is right for you, choosing a surgeon, insurance and how to get approval, preparing for the surgery, going through the surgery, after surgery, exercise, recipes, and a lot more. I'm so excited to finally get it. I ordered it a while ago from amazon.com but the vendor had to back order it.

Other than that, I'm doing fine. Weight has come down to 393 and has remained there for the last two days. I'm still following the diet so don't know why the stall, but I'm not going to sweat it. That still means I've lost 14 pounds since starting the pre-op diet so they (surgeon and whoever else cares) should be happy. I'm okay with how it's gone.

I'm just ready for this to be over. This has been THE LONGEST week of my life, I think. I'm guessing the same will be said of the weekend. I did a little bit of second guessing about this being the right thing yesterday. I've read that's pretty normal at this stage. I know it's going to be a life-saving and live-changing event for me. I know it's what I have to do to be healthy and improve the quality of life I have as well as extend my life. It's all just head games right now.

But, I'm okay. I'm going to do this and keep moving.

Busy day

I'm down from 407 last Friday to 397 today. They said on the pre-op diet I'd lose 10-20 lbs these two weeks but I was skeptical to say the least. I had to retire my pajama pants (which are actually an old pair of capri pants I hated) this morning. I can't keep them up anymore. I'm almost out of my size 5X pants. I have a couple pair of 4X so I'll wear those and when they are falling off, I'll buy a couple pair of drawstring 3X pants.

The pre-op diet is going well. I haven't cheated but to add an extra mozzarella stick each day. I figure it's protein and they allow me 'empty calories' from sugar free popsicles or such so why not at least make the calories count? I'm not minding it and obviously from the info imparted above, it's working just fine.

When I called pre-admissions yesterday I found out when the surgeon does my surgery he's also going to remove my gall bladder. I don't know if that's because something showed on my gall bladder ultrasound back in March or if he just does this as a part of the procedure as some surgeons do. When people lose a good amount of weight, gall bladder problems usually follow. I'm grateful because I figure that's one less surgery I'll have to have down the road.

Got all my FMLA paperwork completed and turned in. I have two weeks covered by vacation time. One week is currently covered by donated sick time for one of my co-workers who gave me 40 hours of her own banked sick time. What a blessing! I have the HR department soliciting the company for 40 more hours. That will cover four weeks which I just found out yesterday is the minimum time off I can expect. The FMLA paperwork said 4-6 weeks. Praying it's only four as that's about all I'm going to have covered to be paid. Whatever happens, the Lord will work it out.

And now for the bad news ... Took my hubby to the neurologist today and he was finally diagnosed formally with Parkinson's. I had feared for some time now that was what caused his tremors but had so hoped it wasn't true. Now it is and it has rocked my world a little. It can grow to be an ugly thing as the disease progresses. I felt my heart tear just a bit when she confirmed it.

It's a Go!

I just got off the phone with my favorite Utilization Review person at my medical group. My surgery has been authorized and approved! I really am having this surgery on August 4th; less than two weeks to my newest beginning. I cannot express the gratitude and excitement I feel as well as the relief of knowing it is now really going to happen. I am so dang EXCITED!

Day two of the new diet has gone well thus far. Changed things up a bit so if you're interested, here's how my eats for today have looked so far ...

11:45 PM South Beach 100 Calorie Chocolate Snack Bar
2:30 AM Strawberry Protein Drink
6 AM Slice of whole wheat bread with 1 oz turkey and mustard

My main meal in a little while will likely be a repeat of yesterday. There are other things I can have but that one works for me so I'll probably repeat it today. I've had two bottle of water so far today. Later on, about 7 or 8 PM I'll have my second Protein Drink and I need to drink two more bottles of water. I'm working on the first one now.

Jamie, I spoke with the gal in my water aerobics class last night and she said she was on a very similar diet the two weeks before her lap band surgery. Her surgery was one week ago and she was back in class last night. Five steri-strips covering her incisions and it's all good. She took it a little easy but said other than feeling hungry, she's doing fine. Her surgeon requires two weeks liquid diet post op before she gets to start mushy foods.

Many hugs to all of you for your support. Thanks once again for being here with me on this special journey to regain my life.

One day almost done

I started the pre-op diet today. Here is what I've had to eat so far today:

11:45 pm last cereal bar (since the diet didn't officially start til midnight. Ha!)
3 am protein chocolate milk drink
6 am tuna with fat free mayo
4 pm grilled chicken breast on whole wheat bun and a salad with light dressing

I also drank two bottles of water through the night. After my water aerobics class I'll finish off today with the following ...

9 pm protein strawberry milk drink

11:45 pm South Beach 100 cal chocolate snack bar

I will also drink at least two more bottles of water today. I had a little bit of hunger pangs but made it and know that I can do this. Woo hoo!

The "Liver Shrink" Diet

I met with the nutritionist today. She is the person who runs the bariatric nutrition support groups that I plan on attending post surgery. I could go now, but have chosen to wait.

Here's the diet I have to stick to for the next two weeks. It isn't nearly as bad as I had thought it might be.

Breakfast--Protein Beverage (will probably do Carnation Instant Sugar-free with added dry milk powder OR Slimfast Low Carb which were two of the options on the list she gave me)

Lunch--Protein Beverage

Dinner--2-3 oz protein, 2 servings of starch, 2 servings veggies, 1 serving fat OR a Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice meal as long as it has meat in it

I can also have 2 snacks with quite a list to choose from if I need them and also up to two servings per day of sugar free popsicles, fudgesicles, jello, 1 c soup broth, sugar free hard candy or fat free cool whip.

In addition to all that I must start the vitamins that they are going to require me to take for the rest of my days. They are called Optisource and she said they are only available at Walgreens stores or their online store. I thought I could take chewable Flintstone vitamins but she said these would be the best as they are formulated for gastric bypass patients. Okay, I'll do what I'm told. They're a little pricey but I want this to all work out!

I also have to drink a minimum of 64 oz of liquids per day. I get water, crystal light, diet v-8 splash, unsweetened decaf tea, minute maid lite, and sugar-free kool-aid.

We talked about my weird working and sleeping hours and I think we came up with a workable schedule for meals that will work now and then post-op when I return to work. I figure it will all work itself out eventually.

She said that I am down five pounds since the last time I was there. I weighed 412 on their scale and 407 on mine this morning. Their scale has always weighed me five pounds heavier and the nurse said that everyone says that so I'm guessing their scale is five pounds heavy. She also said that on this diet I should lose 10-20 pounds over the next two weeks. It is to shrink my liver so that they can move it easier to get to my stomach for the pouch and bypass.

So that's where it all stands for now. I'm going to start this and know in my heart that insurance approval is just around the corner. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Hee hee!

My head is spinning

Are y'all ready for this? I am scheduled for surgery on August 4th! My mind started whirling and I was thinking "are you freaking kidding me?". That is two weeks from Monday! Oh my. Then she went on to say that it is pending insurance approval but they don't think there will be a problem with that. I don't think there will be either.

I have so much to do. I did call the bariatric center and am waiting for a call-back from the nutritionist about what kind of diet I need to follow for the next two weeks. It's either a liquid or partial liquid diet that is designed to shrink my liver. Wow! Can you even believe it's only two weeks away? I am still amazed!

I have to go for pre-admission testing but was not in the system yet so they couldn't set me up for any of that. I'll wait til later today to call back or tomorrow.

I have to fill out the paperwork for FMLA at work. I need to request a donation of sick time from other employees so I will be guaranteed a minimum of three weeks off paid before I have to worry about it. (The surgeon told me I'd be off 3-4 weeks at least and I'm hoping it's only three as I don't know that I can cover four financially.) I need to get some things done here at home but I guess I have two weeks to get it done. Gosh, thinking of all I have to do has my head spinning.

Okay, breathing and moving on.

A few photos to share

I have a few photos to share. My new avatar over there on the right is my granddaughter Cecilia and I in the pool at my brother's on the 5th of July. We had such fun!



This one is Ceci and her baby sister Nadia who will be one year old next month.




And this one is of Chloe Jayne who turned one in April.

Nothing else to say. Just wanted to share the pictures since I finally made time to load them on my computer.

Finally ...

Finally, after much angst and many phone calls, the psychologist who did my psych eval sent the report to the bariatric center. It was the final report they were waiting on. The bariatric center faxed 42 pages to my surgeon for review before submission for insurance approval. The nurse there said that I should hear back with an approval in the next two weeks since I have an HMO. I sure hope so because I am ready to get this done and proceed on. I can hardly wait!

Still going to the water aerobics. It's been six weeks I've stuck with it now. I just signed up for the next six week session. The trainer said if I have surgery during the session, they will refund a portion of the money to me. I just know that as soon as I'm cleared, I'll be back in the water.

I moved up to the harder hand weights in the pool and the more difficult stretch bands this week. The trainer thought I was ready. Boy did I feel the difference! It was a good ache, though so I'll continue with the more difficult ones. It's all about building muscle to replace the fat and if I hurt a little bit, I know it's got to be working, right?

So that's the status on everything right now. When I have a surgery date, I'll be sure to be screaming it. Thanks again for all the support from y'all.

What a weekend!

I had the most wonderful weekend over the holiday weekend. We drove downstate and visited with my family. We stayed Thursday night with my brother and his wife. She made yummy spaghetti with tossed salad and garlic bread for dinner. We visited a little bit and then I fell asleep cuz I hadn't had much sleep before we drove down.

Friday got up and spent the day with my sister and her family. We went in her new pool which is really nice. She got steps that would support my weight. The water was very COLD but we survived. Moving around helped somewhat. Dinner there was steak on the grill with california blend veggies, au gratin potatoes, and crescent rolls. Yum! Dessert was turtle pie of which I had a sliver. Then we went to see the fireworks. I think it was the first time Tim and I had been to fireworks since our girls were little! They were AWESOME and we had a wonderful time.

Saturday we headed back to my brother's for fun in his pool. It is huge and the water was freezing! I managed to spend about two hours in there, though. My daughter showed up with Crys and Nadia and they joined me in the water for a little while. It was so much fun!

He had a lot of food there ... big fat hotdogs, various brats, chicken of all kinds, teryaki deer strips, baked beans, mac n cheese, au gratin taters, chips and dip, pickles, and then the most yummy mushrooms I ever tasted; not very diet friendly, but I didn't go hog wild. My sister-in-law cuts off the stem of the mushroom and stuffs a piece of kielbasa or sausage in there. She wraps two strips of bacon around it and secures it with a toothpick. She then bakes (or in this case grilled) them until the bacon is done. Oh my but they were delicious!

The bugs started to get to me so we left and went back to my sister's. We ended up getting into her pool (which was warmer than my brother's) and playing monkey in the middle with one of her sons and her hubby. It was so much fun! Relaxed and fell asleep so spent an extra night there.

This was the best weekend we've had in forever!

On the surgery front, I call the bariatric center today to make sure they finally got the psych report. The psychologist assured me last Tues she would send it by Friday. They will fax my chart to the surgeon on Weds and hopefully by Monday he'll send it on to the insurance company. It's all a waiting game now.

So that's that! God bless America, this beautiful land we live in. And may God bless you, too!

Quick Update

Stopping in with a quick update and then it's off to bed for me. I am pretty tired this morning and have had the mother of all headaches for most of the night.

I got a call from the bariatric treatment center my surgeon is with. They said that they were ready to fax my chart to the surgeon for his approval and discovered that the nurse had marked off that they have received psychiatric clearance, but they have not. She requested I call the doctor I saw and ask her to fax the report to them so they can then get the chart to my surgeon. Naturally I did that immediately! LOL

I'm still going to and loving the water aerobics classes. I end up with some muscle tenderness after each class, but I figure that's a good thing. They seem to work different parts of the body and that is nice so we don't get tired of it or bored with it. This past Wednesday it was the arms. One of the gals in class (who just got approval for lapband surgery on July 14th) said she wants "fabulous arms" so the instructor focused on our arms. Can I just say mine were screaming "stop" long before she moved on to the core? Still it wasn't bad and I am slowly making friends there who understand all I'm going through right now. I will definitely be going to the support group meetings every month post surgery. I'm also going to join the other exercise classes post surgery when the surgeon says it's okay to return exercising. I will already know people there and that's half the battle. The other half is it's a class for large people or people who've been large so I just don't have to be so self conscious about how I look.

Anyway, thanks to all for stopping by and posting. It's nice to have the support. Randy, I have misplaced your email addy. Maybe I need to stop by 'The Cabin' if I can find the link for it and see how things are going with you, Eric and the others. Have you heard from Karen lately? Last I knew she was very ill and I've been thinking about her a lot lately.

Take care all and I'll update again soon.

Pulmonary Visit Completed

I'm just back from the appointment with the pulmonary doctor. He said he sees no reason not to give the go ahead for surgery, from a lung standpoint. He did caution me about using the breathing apparatus post surgery so I don't get pneumonia. He also gave a couple other cautions that I cannot for the life of me remember right now. I also had chest x-rays done. Status now is to check with the bariatric center tomorrow to see if they have everything they need. Chart gets sent to the surgeon for a once over and his approval. Then it all goes to the insurance and the wait begins. I pray they don't keep me waiting and approval is swift. Now that I've decided to do this, I just want it behind me.

Paying Off

Seems the water aerobics is paying off. I have dropped nine pounds since starting and the inches are also coming off somewhat. I am pleased with those results and still am enjoying the classes. One thing that helps is that there are three different instructors so things are changed up all the time.

This week will be a busy one for me. I have an appointment to see my primary doc on Monday afternoon. Tuesday I have a meeting at work mid-day, smack in the middle of my sleeping time. I don't have a choice but to go. Wednesday I have my appointment with the pulmonary doc and hopefully that will wrap up the testing. The file will then go to the surgeon for his approval and then be sent on to the insurance company for their approval. I think I'll just be glad when this week is over!

Water Aerobics

Okay, so I finally went to water aerobics last night. The pool has glass windows over it and the sun was shining yesterday. The water temp was 86 though it didn't feel that warm to me! The rest of the group assured me it was definitely warmer than usual.

Who knew one could sweat in the pool? I had it running over my face and into my eyes. I got quite the workout. I managed to pull something twice (once in my inner thigh doing a move and the other I twisted my knee). But no worries. I managed to keep up with everyone else and it was kind of fun. We lifted and pointed. We jogged. We did jumping jacks and scissor steps. We played volleyball. We used some kind of hand weight things and did a lot of movement with them. We did cross country skiing. We used "noodles" and rode bicycles in the water. It really wasn't like working out at all. After all the bouncing, we ended with stretching.

My knees ache, but I know that will pass in time. I have some aches in my thighs and in my arms and shoulders. I figure that's a sign that my muscles did some work. I will definitely go back and am enrolling in the class, twice a week for six weeks. I figure by the time the class ends, I will hopefully be headed for surgery. Everyone was very nice, though most of them were people who have been going to this class for more than a year, they welcomed me right in.

No one cared that I had on shorts and a t-shirt. One gal even said you'd be amazed at some of the outfits that people wear there! Now I just have to get my clothes dried out so I can go again tomorrow!

The Fitness Evaluation

I went yesterday and met with the fitness person at the bariatric center. We talked for over an hour and then I had to sign a contract saying I would start exercising as of today. I have to do a minimum of 30 minutes of planned physical activity at least 3 days a week. Within four weeks she expects me to be doing a minimum of 30 minutes 5 days a week and I am to maintain that. I also have to track it on this paper she gave me and send it in to her.

So ... I am going to a trial water aerobics class tonight. It will meet on Mondays and Wednesdays 7:30-8:15 PM. I get to go to one class free and the new session starts next week so I'm starting at a good time. They would pro-rate me if I started mid session but I'm getting in at the start. Tim is going to go with me and he can even join the class if he wants but will first have to get medical clearance from his doctor. That may take a bit so I'll start without him. She said if I don't like this class (held in cold water, whatever that means) then there is an earlier class for people with arthritis and other medical conditions held in warm water which I'm assuming is in a hot tub like environment. At least that's what it sounded like to me. She said that there are people in all stages of the surgery process and some who are only doing medically managed dieting who attend so I'm going to go give it a shot.

I also have to walk, do my exercise tapes (Leslie and Richard), and increase physical activity on a daily basis by parking farther away, taking stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

She also wants me to start doing some strength training using handheld weights and fitness bands. I got one in the box with the ball Teresa sent me a couple years ago so will start using it to stretch. Also she said using the ball is a good idea as well.

So ... there you have. Gotta get my butt moving and maybe I'll drop a few pounds before the surgery. It won't be enough to consider cancelling the surgery, but any loss would be good.

God Bless the Veterans

I just want to publicly (or as publicly as this blog may be) say thank you to all the veterans out there who have made living my life as free as it is. I have read a lot about how things are in other countries and I know I, as an American, have taken a lot for granted. It is because of the dedicated service of the men and women who have served our country in times of war and peace, that I have the life I have now. Thanks to each of them for their dedication to making the world a safer and better place to live in. I don't necessarily agree with war but oh the freedoms gained by it over the centuries.

God bless!

Testing Completed

I went for the psych testing last Friday. I think it went well. The psychiatrist was very nice. She asked me lots of background information. We talked about what I know about the surgery and life after it. We talked about support I have and how I will cope with the things that make me want to eat now. I don't have a lot of them, but still have a trigger or two here and there. I have ideas and she seemed satisfied with my answers. Then it was on to the personality test. Egads, 537 true or false questions and fill in the circle with a lead pencil, please. My eyes were a bit buggy when I was finally finished with all of that. At the end of the appointment, she shook my hand and wished me luck with the surgery so I'm guessing unless something glares out in my personality test, I got the nod from her.

I'm just back from the pulmonary function test. Tim is furious! The guy who did the testing was a mid 20s kid. He actually hit on me! I was so flabbergasted and Tim was breathing fire! It was kind of funny, actually. Anyway, that test went well and he compared it to the one I had this time last year. He said there has been minimal change so I'm taking that to mean I will be cleared for surgery on that. Woo hoo! All of the pre-op testing is now complete. Still have to wait on the appointment with the pulmonary doctor but he checked and I'm moving up on the waiting list to be called for a cancellation. Yea!

I meet the exercise gal on Tuesday and will advise her that all of the testing is done. Hopefully, they will complete the chart, send it to the surgeon and it will all go out to the insurance company the first week of June. Surgery in July is still possible. Yes!

This part of the process is nearly over and a new phase will begin. In the meantime, my weight is happily going up and down the same few pounds it has been for months now. I've tried changing up what I was eating, when I was eating, etc and so far nothing seems to make much of a difference. To continue to maintain is okay but to be losing again would be nice, too.

Sometimes Work Stinks

I think I mentioned that I went back to working overnight shift as a supervisor for the entire campus a couple weeks back. One of my job responsibilities is to visit the homes and make certain that none of the overnight staff are asleep.

So last night I go to the home I used to work in to get some paperwork and check on how things are. One of the evening staff was still there doing paperwork. One of the overnight staff was at the table doing paperwork and the other was on the couch. She appeared to be sleeping but when I asked for the paperwork, she got up and got it so I figured I must have been mistaken. She sat down and I continued to hang out for a short while chatting with the other two staff in the home.

All of a sudden, I hear snoring. The staff on the sofa had gone sound asleep. I couldn't believe it. To be asleep and snoring with me sitting right there was not good. And this where work stinks.

I call the Program Manager (PM) this afternoon to tell her and she grills me about why I didn't page her and tell her when it was happening. That person should have been fired on the spot. Well ... no one told me the procedure to follow. I was told only to "report if I ever discover someone asleep on the job". The woman who was sleeping is 63 years old and has been working there for 13 years now. I know for a fact that she has been sleeping on overnights since she was hired, but to date no one had done anything about it. I also figured with two other staff there that could verify what happened, I could wait a little while to report it.

Now I'm waiting to hear from the PM who was going to talk to the Program Director (my immediate boss) to find out how we are going to proceed. She very well may be fired for this, as she should be but I hate that it is in part my fault. I hate that she put me in this position. And I could get written up for 'not following procedure' but since I haven't been given a procedure I will fight it if that should happen. This PM wants to work out a code so that if a staff is discovered sleeping on the job, I would page the PM of whatever home it is and put in the code. She would then know to come to the home because a staff is sleeping. Okay, fine but they need to make it the same for every home and not different because of how the managers want it. Ah ... work just stinks sometimes, I guess.

Another step set

I spoke with the person at my medical group utilization management yesterday. She said now that I am qualified to go through testing for bariatric surgery, she will have the claims department re-file for the surgical and nutrition bill I have been getting. That way the insurance will back up and pay the claim.

I also called the person who I have to meet for the physical therapy evaluation about exercise before and after surgery. She was very nice. I explained that my insurance is not going to cover that expense and she advised me that it rarely does. Not a big deal really. I just needed to know how much the consultation would cost so I can plan for it in my budget. I was surprised to find out it will be less than $75. I already know what kinds of exercise I want to do following surgery. I want to do water aerobics (which will run around $72 for every six week session) and they offer a basic training class to teach me how to use things like the treadmill, recumbent bike, rowing machine, weights, etc properly. I figure if I'm going to do those things I may as well know how to do them correctly. They also offer a low impact aerobics class but I'm going to wait on that one for a short while. And of course there is always walking. I meet with her on the 27th and will let you know how that goes.

All that will be left by the end of this month is my pulmonary evaluation. I called yesterday and left a message for the nurse to call me back, hoping there had been a cancellation they could squeeze me into. So far, nothing and no return call. I know she's busy and I know she will call when she can.

I'd love to finish the testing by the end of this month. The surgeon's office then needs about a week to prepare my chart for the insurance company and they then have 30 days to approve or deny my surgery. It would be nice if I could have approval and the surgery date set for some time in July. My brother is losing his job (company closing) the end of June. My sister-in-law works in the public schools and has summer off. One or both of them could come up for a day or two to help Tim get back and forth to the hospital. My brother said he'd stay until I am home and able to get around well. Both of them probably can't stay more than one night as they have a lovely dog named Bubba. I know they won't kennel him as the last time they did that he didn't eat for weeks. They could bring him with, but I don't know how well he'd do out of his own environment. Here he couldn't just be let out to run like he is at home.

So that's my timeline. I know it's not up to me. I know I may have a lot longer, especially if I have to file an appeal. But I also know I'm going to do this and will make it through each and every step along the way.

I have to agree with something Janet said recently in my comment section. It would have been so much better if I had just learned to eat healthy and not gotten so big in the first place. (Not exactly what you said, but that's the gist of it.) But I grew up learning bad habits about food. I have been addressing triggers that make me want to eat. I've come a long way and I continue to be proud of losing 130 pounds and maintaining for two years. I stress to my daughters all the time to teach their girls how to eat healthy now so they never have to worry about this. I know they are both doing a fantastic job!

Controversy

If you are offended by me posting about weight loss surgery and how I feel about things, perhaps you should be reading somewhere else. Those of you who have known me a long time are fully aware I am not a mean spirited person but will speak my mind from time to time when things don't go as well I think they should. This is my blog to post in what I want. And with that, I'm letting this whole issue about nurses drop.

One more test down

So, I went yesterday for my upper endoscopy and h-pylori biopsy. Other than the fact that the twit of a nurse tried to put an IV in right next to my wrist in the bend, I made out okay. That hurt more than anything I think I've ever had done to me in my life. Our friend Mike drove us to the hospital. Barb picked us up and carried us back home.

The procedure itself was a piece of cake. They gave me something in the IV to relax me. Being as how I'd been up all night at work, I went right off to sleep and knew nothing. I guess they asked me in recovery five times if I was ready for something to eat and drink before I finally answered them. Then I took a sip of apple juice and and ate a tiny piece of cracker. Ought oh! Looked at Tim and told him I was going to be sick. Poor baby jumped up and started yelling for help. They got me a puke thing just in the nick of time! I rested for another 20 mins or so and then felt okay to go home. Was a little tipsy and slept the rest of the day but went out to dinner with Mike and Barb late in the day.

Result was that my esophagus is beautifully normal. The stomach is normal. The results of the biopsy will be back in 7-10 days. Woo hoo! I think I passed this test with flying colors.

Got a call from the psychiatrist. She set my appointment for Friday May 16 as she's off this next week. I meet with her for an hour and then have to do a two hour pencil and paper personality test. Egads! Wonder what she'll want to talk about. Never been to a psychiatrist before.

The wheels are finally slowly rolling toward finalizing the testing phase and submitting to the insurance company. I swear if they deny me I'm gonna go postal on them! Seriously, the chit they put you through. I can understand for someone who doesn't have over 200 lbs to lose and a BMI over 65 but come on now!

Rant over. Thanks for listening. LOL

Finally some good news

Got good news, finally RE the surgical process. I am all set for the upper endoscopy on Friday morning. I also have the name and number for the psychiatrist who will do my psych eval. I go back to my doctor in a couple weeks and will get the referral for the cardiologist. I still have the pulmonary appt in July but if I get everything else done before then, maybe they will rush me in and get me pushed through. The end of the testing phase is nearing. I was told I will have to pay out-of-pocket for the fitness eval. It has to be done prior to surgery per the Bariatric Center. I'll double check on that one. If it is true, I'll figure it out somehow. I am beginning to think the end is near.

As far as the visit with little Chloe, we had a blast. She is such a doll, even when she is cranky. We played on the floor, went to a petting farm, played in the kiddy park at the local mall, and just had fun. It's hard to believe she's back home already. Here are a couple of my favorite shots taken of her while she was here:

Mandi, Tim, and Chloe


Chloe Jayne on her birthday

Gotta love those facial expressions!

Update

Went to the doctor yesterday. Gave him the what for about all the failed referrals and how it is holding things up. He spoke with the gal who does the referrals and she seemed to know nothing. That figures! He said he will call the Utilization Review person himself to see what they need and get back to me about it all. I am still waiting for the fitness consultation. Seems they didn't know who the person I was referred to worked for (the bariatric clinic, duh) so that was the problem with that one. It has supposedly been resubmitted so I'll call in a day or two to check on status.

I'm also waiting on the referral for the psych testing. That one the UR people supposedly needed info from my doctor and he hasn't responded so they just dropped it. Well, chit! That is one of the main ones he's supposed to be checking on.

I am scheduled for the upper endoscopy on May 2nd. I have to look up the info, and I have to call the hospital to make certain it has been authorized by my insurance. It was on hold last time I checked. I won't be going for the procedure until I know it has been authorized!

My pulmonary appointment is still the one that will hold me up the longest. I will have to have a breathing test, again. Why can't I go ahead and have it so the pulmonologist can just read the darn thing and clear me at my visit with him in mid-July? I don't understand why I have to be seen by him first. Also, I have this sinking feeling that he will want me to do another sleep study. That is going to torque me off. By then, I'm going to be in full swing with working night shift again and want to be up all night. I'm going to demand they do it during the day when I would normally be sleeping if this is the case. They can't expect me to sleep at night if I am used to being up all night at work. Or at least they shouldn't at any rate. On the one hand, a study that came back with sleep apnea would be one more pro for weight loss surgery! *sigh*

So, that is where everything is at. I am still waiting and still trying to get all the testing done so things can be submitted to the insurance company. Meanwhile, the scale has not been nice to me. I really need to regain my focus and get my arse in gear. Surgery is only a tool. I need to make sure I get my head back on straight and now is the time to do that!

Thanks to Maggie for the info about SB.

Chloe and Mandi will be here on Monday. They may even stay longer. Woo hoo! She and the hubby are at odds. Of course, they generally make up so we'll see how it goes. Either way, I get to spend time with that precious girl I haven't seen since last June. I am so excited!

Like a yo-yo

Up and down, back and forth, around and around ... just like a yo-yo. That is how I'm feeling these days. The scale goes up and down to the point I'm trying to only step on it once a week instead of daily. My moods are swinging the same way. And dealing with the doctor offices is just downright irritating to me!

I got a promotion at work. It means returning to the overnight shift. Tim did better when I worked nights so I guess it's a good thing. I get a 10% raise (not where I wanted but as much as they will offer) and have EVERY Friday and Saturday off. I will also be off all day on Sunday and then go into work on Sunday night 11p-7a. I'll be able to go to church every week again and so will Tim so of course he's happy.

Things have been ugly for my oldest daughter and it's been on my mind a lot lately. She is a victim of domestic violence. I've been trying to convince her to leave but she feels trapped with two children, I think. Tim and I said she could come up here and we'd manage somehow. I wish she would and get herself and those babies out of harm's way. Those of you who are prayers, please include her. It's a struggle for her, I know.

My youngest daughter is coming home with hubby and baby Chloe next week. I am so excited and can't wait to see them. Chloe will be a year old at the end of the month. It's so hard to believe she's so grown up already. Needless to say I'll likely have LOTS of pictures to share somewhere.

Have a good week! I'm going to research the South Beach diet. I've read several places that is one diet those who have had weight loss surgery can follow when they get to their goal weight. I figure maybe I can start learning it now and drop a few more pounds in the meantime. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

Ranting about the process

Got a call from my pulmonologist office today. Seems there isn't an appointment available until July. Are they kidding me? I really wanted to have all the testing done by the end of May so everything could be submitted to the insurance company and I could hopefully be approved and set for surgery no later than June. I am so frustrated by this entire process.

I have my primary doctor who has to do referrals for everything under the sun. I have the bariatric center which wants me to get things to them they should be able to access on their own in the computer system. I have the surgeon's office wanting me to get everything done. And then I have all the others who just don't get how important this is to me now that I've made the decision.

My husband says it's all this way because everyone wants to make sure that I am committed and really want this surgery. I'm beginning to think I've lost my mind! One day at a time and I guess I just have to wait and see. It's the waiting that makes me nuts. Once I make a decision I'm a "I want it yesterday" kind of person. I know the process will not be a miracle happening over night but I didn't expect to hit roadblocks like this all along the way.

Okay, I guess my rant is over. *sigh*

Somehow

I don't know how I managed to do it, but somehow I have managed to drop below 400 yet again. I weighed in yesterday and today (just to see if it would stick) at 399. Wow! I have changed my eating habits just slightly. I'm more active at work. I park a little farther from my front door. I guess maybe it's a combo of everything. Whatever it is, I'll take it!

Nothing new on the surgical front. Just making appointments, waiting for referrals, waiting for appointments, and living life.

Tim was in hospital last week. He was having dizzy spells and even blacked out three times, which I didn't know about. Took him to the ER on doctor orders and his blood glucose level was over 600. Most of us 'regular folk' (non-diabetics) would be in a coma at that number! He was also 'bone dry' according to his labs. The Dr said that the dehydration is likely what caused the blackouts and dizzy spells.

He was in Tuesday late evening until Thursday early evening. He is doing really well since getting home. This gave him the kick in the butt he needed to get back to checking his blood sugar (which he hadn't done since before Thanksgiving) and eating three meals a day. Sheesh! I've been telling how important that is for years now.

At any rate ... life goes on.

Bah

So today I went for the gallbladder ultrasound. That test was a piece of cake! I didn't even to undress. Woo hoo! It was over in about ten minutes.

There is some kind of issue with the referral for the psych testing. I know that one is going to take a while. Looks like my surgery date could be as late as July, easily. Bah humbug! We'll see how it goes.

I'm feeling a little better. Still have a cough, though it's now more of a cry cough. I have become incontinent when I cough, though and that's a bother! Wonder if my surgeon would be willing to tie up my bladder while he's in there poking around. *laughing*

Other than that, nothing much to report. For those of you wondering what protein drink I tried it was called Unjury. It's a powder mix that she had mixed in with the newest orange flavor of Crystal Light. (I think she called it Sunlight Orange or something like that.) It actually was pretty good and I could see me drinking it with no problems. As I find more things that I like, I'll be sure to share them here. I know a few of you are interested in the process.

Doctor Appts

I met with the gastroenterologist yesterday. He basically explained the upper endoscopy procedure and h-pylori biopsy to me. His nurse scheduled it and then called me later to say I couldn't have it done in the surgical center but had to have it done in the hospital. I'm guessing that's because of my weight and any risks that might be involved.

I met with my PCP for my monthly visit. It went okay. He put in referrals for me to see the exercise guru and the psychologist. He said that the psych one may get kicked back. He's supposed to call the bariatric treatment center to find out how to handle it. Insurance says it's not a medical issue. Psych will say it is because of it being for bariatric surgery. *sigh* Just one more hoop to get through.

Went to a nutrition group for those who are going to have or who have had bariatric surgery. It was interesting. It really was all about support. I did get to taste two protein drinks. One was so bad I thought I was going to gag. The other one, I think I could deal with.

I am sick this morning. Woke up barely able to breathe. Sinuses are draining, I guess. Got sick and feel like crap. And so ... it's off to work I go!

What's Happening?

Sorry for the delay in posting. I went down to my sister's this past weekend and kept my granddaughters (ages 7 mos and 3 yrs) overnight. They were quite the handful but I had a blast.

I also played Dance Dance Revolution with my sister and had fun. I tried to do a slower song by myself but it was a no go. So, we shared the same pad and I did the forward and right steps while she did the backward and left steps. We actually did pretty well that way and it was just as fun!

As far as the surgery process ... I have an appointment early Weds morning with the endocrinologist for a consultation. He will then need to schedule me for an endoscopy and a h-pylori biopsy. Hopefully, that will be done soon so it won't hold me up.

After that appointment, I have an appointment with my primary physician. I will need to ask if I have to do lab work again that was done in February or can they use that. I need a definitive answer. I have the order from the surgeon to have the blood work done so if I need it, I'll get it done Weds morning.

I also need to get two referrals from my PCP. I need one to meet with the exercise person. I'm looking forward to it. I think I'll suggest water aerobics and the recumbent bike for my exercise. I also need the referral for the psychological. That one can take a few weeks to get the results back from so I need it done like yesterday!

And then, in the early evening, I will go to my second required support group meeting. This one is a post-surgery nutrition group. They share recipes and talk about how to get the necessary nutrients to keep the body going. I'm looking forward to it.

Next week, on Tues I go to the imaging department to have my gall bladder ultrasound. That will leave me with just the psych, exercise, and pulmonary appts. The pulmonary appt is the most frustrating right now. I am waiting for a cancellation so I can be seen earlier than June. Once I have everything else done, I will hound them daily until they get me in. I am not going to let one consultation hold me back for a long time. I'm ready to do this now.

So, as you can see, I'm doing fine. My weight continues to bounce up and down 405-410. I hate to admit it, but I've accepted that's the way it's going to be until I resolve the surgery issue. Until then, I've joined a group online at Yahoo! Groups for additional support, horror stories, and information. I figure one can never be too informed. I want to know everything I'm letting myself in for. After all, this is a lifetime committment and one that cannot ever be changed.

Nothing new

I have nothing new to say but figured I'd check in. I did get mail from the bariatric treatment center today. It was an update of testing I have to have done for gastric bypass instead of the lap band surgery. I've added some kind of endoscopy now with a biopsy included. Woo hoo!

I wish the center would send me a list of things my doctor sent so I'd know what I really still need to have done. I know I need psych eval, endoscopy with biopsy of something or other, gall bladder ultrasound, meeting with exercise guru, and pulmonary eval. (The last one is going to take a long time. My pulmonary office seems to booked until sometime in June. I pray I won't have to wait that long. I'm supposedly on the list for a cancellation. Keep your fingers crossed!)

I wish all the testing was done and I had a surgery date. I feel I'm ready for this now. It's going to be a HUGE change but one that I welcome.

Later ...

The Journey Continues

Last night I attended the first of at least two support group meetings for those who are considering bariatric surgery at the treatment center I'm using. I went to a general support group. Most of us there were pre-op patients. Only one person was there who has had gastric bypass surgery. No lapband patients were there, but they have their own support group which I will attend the last Monday of the month. It was informative and nice to talk with someone who has been through the surgery. I enjoyed myself and learned a little bit.

The next meeting I go to will be a nutrition support group post surgery (not after my surgery, but that's who mainly attends this group). I hear they share food there and also exchange recipes and ideas. I was told to check it out as there are a lot more who attend that group than the one I went to last night.

I talked to Blue Cross today. It was an interesting conversation and I'll be repeating it tomorrow to make sure I'm told the same thing twice as it wasn't what I expected. I asked about the surgeries being covered and was told that both are. I asked about criteria for approval and they said it would be up to my primary care physician and the medical group. HUH? I was told they had things I had to do like be on a medically supervised diet for 6-12 months among other things. I definitely need to make sure that was correct info.

The next step is to call for a psychological referral and then go for an evaluation. I also have to set up a gall bladder ultrasound. I think that will just about do it for the testing as most of the other testing I just had done at my physical last month. They said they can use those test results so we'll see.

I think the only other thing I will have to complete will be a meeting with the exercise specialist. Once that is done, everything is submitted to the surgeon's office for approval and they send it all off to the insurance company. I've been told to expect to be denied the first time around. Seems that's what happens to the majority of patients trying for bariatric surgery. I will then have to appeal the decision, with the help of my PCP and surgeon and fight for it.

Other than that, nothing much new for me. Work is pretty wicked right now but I'm hanging in there. Hope everyone is having a good week. I'll check in again soon.

Oh my ... Thank YOU!

As I read through everyone's comments last night I was in awe and wonder at the love I felt. Thanks to each of you for commenting. I know I read many blogs and never leave a comment and I wasn't asking for them, but I do treasure them. As Jamie said in my comments, this seems to be a very emotional time for me right now. I know the day I posted about not posting regarding surgery was one of my darkest days yet.

I do have people I talk to. Tim (the hubby) has been as supportive as ever. He is my rock and without him I honestly don't know what I'd do. As always, he supports me 150% on this and that means the world to him. He goes with me to all appointments and he knows the risks as well as how much this will change not only my life, but his as well. After all, I cook all the food. I take him out to eat. I doubt he's going to want to eat the things I am finding I will be eating, especially for the first 8-12 weeks post surgery if I do this.

And I do believe I'm going to do it if I can get insurance approval. I met with the surgeon and a dietician who works with bariatric surgery patients already. I have had some of the necessary testing done by my doctor at a physical the end of January. The bloodwork is out of the way. I had a sleep apnea test last fall and they can use those results for that. I do have to have a gallbladder ultrasound and a psych evaluation. I'm waiting to hear from my insurance company if they will even cover bariatric surgery but the treatment center my surgeon is at believes it will, I will just have to jump through all the hoops. Lucky me! I still have to attend two support group meetings. I will go to one for lapband patients and one for gastric bypass patients. I may go to more than that but that is a requirement of the treatment center I'll be going to.

I was dead set against the bypass but have been reconsidering after talking to my surgeon. I realize I will never be skinny. I wouldn't want to be. As much as I love my younger sister (who has lost about 90 lbs and kept it off for a year now and was never as obese as I ... she weighs about 107 right now at the age of 43) I would not want to be as thin as she is, ever. She doesn't look healthy. She lost her weight on her own post cancer. She's just too bony for me.

Statistically, lapband patients lose 40-60% of their EXCESS weight over 2-3 years. Gastric bypass patients lose 60-80% over the course of 18 mos. to 2 years. At least those are the statistics I've read in more than one place. My surgeon and I did the numbers. MY goal is to be right around 200 lbs when I'm done. To get there, gastric bypass is my best option. I have not made the final decision. He said he would do the lapband surgery on me, but would recommend bypass due to where I would like to be.

I do know that surgery is a tool. I do know that it will drastically change my life and not just the number on the scale. There are the vitamins, the 'dumping', the eating habits, and of course EXERCISE. And let's not forget that bypass is irreversible and changes how my body functions forever. I know all of that. I also know that being thin will not solve any problems I have other than the inability to do the things I WANT to do right now. As I go through the testing phase and the gathering of info phase, I am gathering more and more knowledge. I will not make a decision based upon fear. I will learn and make an informed decision.

Thanks for being here. I will share this journey with you all. I am thankful to have you gals and guys along for the ride. Knowing I am not alone makes it a little less scarey.

So ...

It seems I'm not very comfortable talking about the possibility of weight loss surgery anywhere but with the hubby. I belong to a wonderful group of ladies at Sparkpeople who say they will support me no matter what but I still feel judged by them for thinking about it.

I mentioned it here and got mixed feeling from others about it so I don't know that I want to talk about it here either. I guess the bottom line is I will do what I feel I need to do for me. Anyone who doesn't like what I do will just move on, as many have evidently done. I used to get lots of comments and I know most have stopped now. Of course, I've gone to sporadically posting and I haven't lost any weight for almost two years so why bother to read the ramblings of this fat woman who seems to have lost her edge. At least that's how I feel.

It really makes me sad to feel this way. It isn't anything any one person has said about surgery. It's just everything I guess. It doesn't help that I'm torn about it as well. I wanted to believe I could go from over 500 pounds to just under 200 all by myself. But I am here to tell you that ain't gonna happen. I've been trying and continue to hit the wall. Why beat myself up over this on a daily basis? I don't know.

I continue to seek wisdom and to pray about what I really need to do about this mess I've created for myself. It is of my own doing anyway.

I did go to a new doctor because my doctor changed medical groups and I didn't want to travel the extra distance or go to the hospital she is now affiliated with. He was really nice and questioned how I managed to get over 500 pounds. He honestly feels there is something genetic and physical about people getting as big I was. He says I've tried everything else and now should seriously consider surgery.

So there you have it. On the weigh-in front, I'm sitting at 407 right now. I don't even remember what I weighed last time I reported it. It isn't where I want to be for the rest of my life, I can tell you that!

And with that, I have to finish up dinner and head off to church.

Here I Am

Hey Janet ... I'm here. Moved this past weekend and then there was a problem with transferring my internet to the new apartment. That's been settled now and voila! Here I am!

The move was difficult for me. The hubby and I did just about everything except the furniture. My younger sister and her family came up to do that. With their help we finished before dark and then had a nice visit. She was amazed at all I had managed to move before she got here. Shoot, I was pretty amazed myself! We moved so much using only three boxes and two clothes baskets in my car. It was difficult, but not impossible. Good thing we were only moving to another building in the same apartment complex!

Weight wise things are still going up and down. I honestly haven't been so focused on it with the move and all. I need to buckle down this coming week and get back to it. I'm also planning to start walking as soon as it warms up a little bit. I have my mp3 player loaded and ready to go. I'm actually looking forward to it. Now if only I can convince Tim I can do it alone. I know he means well but he distracts me and I really want this time for me. I feel selfish saying that being as how he sits in the apartment all day every day waiting for me to come home so he has someone to talk to. Ah well ... if I use the mp3 player maybe I can feel like I'm alone even when he's along.

Not much else to report. I hope to not disappear for so long this time!

Loss for the Week

Weigh in was yesterday (Saturday). What with all the snow shoveling I had to do around here I managed to eek off six pounds. Yep! Six pounds gone so now down to 405 once again.

Working days is helping but sleep cycle is still off. Guess that's going to take a lot longer to readjust than I thought. The girls seem to act the best on the morning shift for some reason. Today, it was like 2:30 pm and they all went "cuckoo for cocoa puffs"! It got to be so loud we put them all in their rooms for about 20 minutes. Egads!

Eating is going much better on day shift. I manage to eat about every two hours, a little bit of something. And I am eating healthier foods as well. Also using the stairs at work down and up so that helps as well.

We'll see how this next week goes. I need the snow to go away or at least stay away through the coming weekend. We move on Saturday. I am not looking forward to it. We move from the two bedroom we now live in (moved here last April for Mandi and the baby to be with us) back to a one bedroom in the same complex. I would have liked to move elsewhere but money kept us here for now. I can live with the decision. At least I know their snow removal sucks! LOL

Have a great week. I'll try to check in mid-week if anything exciting is happening.

Stupid Scale

So I weighed yesterday and find that I am once again back up to 411. I don't understand it as I ate pretty well and moved more than usual. I did do a lot of shoveling snow and perhaps therein lays the explanation. Muscle tears and retention of water as they repair themselves. I don't know. I was in tears about it yesterday but today am moving on. I will continue to eat well, track, and move as I can. Maybe a good loss will show on the scale next week. I sure hope so as this is getting old really fast!